Hate Mail Bag
SECRET CODES ARE TEH AWESOME
Greetings again, crickets and trolls. I'm super swamped here trying to respond to the steady stream of angry emails flowing into my new listed address. Rest assured, your opinions matter to me. That being said, here are a few more of your complaints.
Get your detector rings ready, kids!
This first letter, as always, was not written by me:
Today's coded message GHO/PYSS15A/H7HEX/DA23HED LOLz!
Dear Lamer,
I see that you are fluent in Gibbering Moronese. Unfortunately, I'm not. Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read? Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001 worth of electricity used to send them? Your life is one big W.O.M.B.A.T. and your future doesn't look promising either. The good news is that no normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to go into the sewers in search of your git. I shall leave you with a quote from the Bard.
"Thou art unfit for any place but hell."
Taken from: Richard III
Best Wishes,
A Friend
Show us you true face. No more hiding behind the Cobra Commander.
Ah, Shakespeare. My one true weakness. I shall favor you with this quotation from Henry IV, part 2. "Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you filthy bung, away!" As for your own quote, it's right on target.
(I've already seen it by the way)
This next message was also not written by me:
Secrets are fun
Dear Doctor,
You are so clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself in clue musk, and did the clue dance in the middle of a field of horny clues at the height of clue mating season, you still would not have a clue. If you were a movie you would be a double feature; Battlefield Earth and Moron Movies II. You would be out of focus.
Regards,
Doctor Hate Club Local 637
It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
Thank you. It's good to hear from your chapter of the Hate Club. Please try to check in more often. You raise several good points in your message. However, I must take issue with your mild insinuation that I am clueless. I assure you, I am great at getting clues. I could even get a clue in a parallel universe where the board game "Clue" had instead been called "Murderer."
Also, don't you ever talk about Battlefield Earth like that again. That movie is a sacred text in my religion.
Isn't the Blogosphere GREAT?! LETS GO SAVE DARFUR!!!11!
Stay tuned for more frustration and anger from the Doctor's vanquished foes!
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Responding to your Emails Part II
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27 comments:
Kudos to TheSniperZERO for turning his comments back on. Of course, he moderates them, but then he was doing that before my blog ever existed.
What was really great was being able to go back through all those comment sections and prove that the Google Blogger account for "Opinionator" was repurposed as the fake Clinic. Clicking his profile link takes you right to the fake site.
Let me see if I understand
An anonymous person (Opinionator) made a "fake" anonymous blog to fuck with an anonymous blogger (you) who posts an anonymous blog about a (formerly) anonymous blog. And you're taking the time to uncover the anonymous blogger's anonymous identity.
This is all time well spent.
Signed,
Anonymous
An anonymous person (TheSniperZERO) made a "fake" anonymous blog in a failed attempt to discredit (you) who posts an anonymous blog
Fixed that for ya.
And you're taking the time to uncover the anonymous blogger's anonymous identity.
Um, no. Just confirming how pathetic he is that he can't even start a new profile, he just repurposes his old one. Lazy trolling, TSZ.
This is all time well spent.
Well damn, Sunshine. What are you, an efficency expert? I'm gonna go take a dump. Time me.
Thank you for taking the time to anonymously decry my exposure of an anonymous sock puppeteer's anonymous identity. Anonymous.
Help HALP! I'm wasting my time! OH NOES!!! (I still get laid more than you)
Also, please note that I knew who the Critic was before he even came back. It was pretty obvious. TheSniperZERO goes away, and the blog stops posting. Then he comes back, and what do you know, the blog starts posting again. Ok, Captain Obvious.
I was disapointed. I had hoped it would be a greater mystery.
I'm the real opinionator. That other guy is a weak imposter.
Travel back through time with me, to 08/24/2006, when TheSniperZERO had this to say:
So in recognition of their efforts, I would like to salute the following Farkers for going above & beyond the call of duty. {redacted}, {redacted}, {redacted}, {redacted}, {redacted}, {redacted}, {redacted}, TheSniperZERO, & {redacted}. You should all be proud of yourselves.
In a comment section of a post from 08/18/06, this message appears.
TheSniperZero said...
It's funny cause you say what we're all thinking.
And phrase it in the form of a jackass.
Then, on 08/17/06, he responds to a fake email from himself. What a loser.
TheSniperZERO writes:
"I wasn't going to say anything about it but, the last thing this place needs is that much negativity. That blog is worthless junk and was obviously created to provoke certain people.
Don't buy into that crap. I think that everyone should just forget about it. It's meaningless garbage."
I seem to remember that you once wrote in your blog that SomethingAwful was funnier than Fark. So, you have to at least agree with some of this blog.
lol diversions
That wasn't an email. If I recall correctly, it was a post in the photoshop forum.
That wasn't an email. If I recall correctly, it was a post in the photoshop forum.
Oops, sorry. I don't really read TFPSTC for details. At any rate it's still a cute diversion.
Oh, and in case you guys were wondering, here is TheSniperZERO's first blog
From your latest post:
everyone, have a field day.
But then we see this:
So, I've turned the comments back on. Go nuts. The catch is that they are moderated. Don't worry. There is a 99.9% chance that it will be posted.
99.9? What the fuck does that even mean? Why even moderate? Just post with a bunch of sock puppets and delete any dissenting opinions like you used to. Or is that too tiresome? This has confirmed even my most basic of suspicions. It's all about control with you. Not all that shocking, really.
Like we'd even believe anyone posting in there is credible, if they'd been vetted by you.
LMAO all the way to ROFL-town
hey fuck you doc. So If post over there I'm automagically no longer credible? who else is gonna eat the crayolas and playdough?
I'm Switzerland, dammit
That blog archive sure is damning evidence that I posted a blog and had an opinion. SHOCKING! LOL
Bill said...
hey fuck you doc. So If post over there I'm automagically no longer credible? who else is gonna eat the crayolas and playdough?
I'm Switzerland, dammit
Presto Agra Kadabera! Your credibility is now A BUNNY!
J/k Bill. I'll leave an extra box of crayons out for you.
The Critic said...
That blog archive sure is damning evidence that I posted a blog and had an opinion. SHOCKING! LOL
Sure enough. I love the one where you talk about how much greater Something Awful is than Fark. And that was in 2004. Why are you still on Fark all these years later, if you didn't even like it back then? You obviously haven't changed shit. LMAO
can I get a box with the new colors that smell like fruit? heck I'd settle for some magic markers in a pinch. Ohh, and round paper. the other ones give me ouchy boo boos.
can I get a box with the new colors that smell like fruit?
Does that really exist? What does black smell like?
wikki wikki
so pinch of salt as always
Magic Scents Crayons was a line of Crayola crayons that were scented. Binney & Smith Inc. introduced them in 1994 with mostly food scents. There were numerous reports that children were eating the food-scented crayons, so the food scents were retired and replaced with non-food scents, which later evolved into Color 'N Smell in 1997. Crayola stopped producing scented crayons until a new line called Silly Scents in 2007.
Wow... They couldn't have been surprised to learn the kids were eating the food scented crayons.
I hope they make pine-scented model airplane cement next.
It says 'funnier' in his post, not 'greater'. There is a slight difference. You can't be that retarded?
I agree that photoshop features at SA are funnier than Fark.com contests. Not 50 times funnier but definitely funnier than an average Fark thread.
It doesn't really matter who you are. But you should reveal yourself and get it out of the way. What's the worst that could happen?
If you do, I'll reveal who I am.
You shouldn't reveal yourself because your blog is embarrassing.
Not as embarrassing as your photoshops I'm guessing.
"What does black smell like?"
Fried chicken and watermelon.
It says 'funnier' in his post, not 'greater'. There is a slight difference. You can't be that retarded?
Yes, I can't be that retarded, that I fail to notice a slight difference. How stupid of me, lol.
You obviously know when to use a question mark?
Anonymous said...
It doesn't really matter who you are. But you should reveal yourself and get it out of the way. What's the worst that could happen?
If you do, I'll reveal who I am.
Ooo. Such a deal. Let me get this striaght... If I reveal MYself, your'll tell me who YOU are? I'm just dying to know. This mystery has been eating away at me for dozens of seconds.
You shouldn't reveal yourself because your blog is embarrassing.
HAHAHAHA... Nice reverse pyschology, idiot.
Not as embarrassing as your photoshops I'm guessing.
Oh yeah, they're REAL embarassing. Better than your shit, I'll wager. I'll bet you fucking suck. Of course, since I don't care who you are, I'm content to just assume.
"What does black smell like?"
Fried chicken and watermelon.
lol race baiting
Has anyone else ever wondered what the true face of TSZ looks like? Surprisingly enough, he does not even slightly resemble the Cobra Commander or Palpatine.
I agree that photoshop features at SA are funnier than Fark.com contests. Not 50 times funnier but definitely funnier than an average Fark thread.
That's a matter of opinion. Our opinions are different, so that probably means you're stupid and I hate you. If there's one thing I hate, it's people with opinions that are different than mine.
Personally, I think Fark is always funny, sometimes brilliant. If it doesn't make you laugh, feel free to go to another site. Something Awful may be the place for you.
If you aren't laughing at the Fark contests, then LEAVE. Don't stay around and bitch about how it may or may not have been better in the past. You need to buy an express ticket to Now Town. We have simply left you behind.
If you think SA is better, then it is the site for you. Go there, hate there, but by all means STAY there.
And don't let the door hit you on the way out.
Bill said...
I'm Switzerland, dammit
We all know what side the "Critic" is.
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