Responding to your Emails Part III

Hate Mail Bag
you are stupid
Greetings again, crickets and trolls. The hate mail keeps on flowing in here at the Clinic. In the latest installment of an ongoing series, I will try to address some of your most pertinent concerns.
I am not Texaco Saves or Heamer
Our first letter comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous, and is not me:
Posting upcoming Os is teh suxxorsz.
Dear Idiotface,
Your blog is the world's greatest proof of reincarnation; no one could get that dumb in just one lifetime. How about putting that into proper syntax, form, and grammar so that I can at least understand what you are saying before I dismiss it?
I suppose I should have some sympathy for your handicap. You are obviously paralyzed from the neck up. You wouldn't know Up from Down if you had three guesses. To quote Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
Your Clinic has that certain nothing. Truly, it is about as interesting as watching a slug move slowly across a large rock. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. All that and you probably have a face that could scare a hungry wolf off a meat truck. Please DIAF.
Sincerly,
Enonymous
blogs are fun.
Wow. Did it feel good to let that out? I bet it did. Probably like taking a big shit. That's a great metaphor for the Internet. Millions of people shitting on each other. As for guessing up from down, I think I could probably get it in two tries.
I banged your mom.
Here is another anonymous email that wasn't written by me:
KILL YOURSELFKILL YOURSELFKILL YOURSELFKILL YOURSELF
Dear Fucktard
Everyone knows you bathe in the opaline off-scum rejecting from the underarm cavity of a Kterigadian Pimple Popper. Your body reeks of the misty mucidness pugging from the sweat orifices of a Chartreudian Earspider. Your chances for the future are the bronze cesspool browsing from the dirt pores of a Danthian Hnot. May you step in the glaucous extravasation imbedding from the secret pore of a Perdian Mucousdripper. Caution: Someone knows about your jaundiced grime multiplying from the slime nooks of a Boogfudian Floppydwart. May your hip pockets overflow with the lurid leucorrhea oozing from the sweat cavities of a Quooxmudgian Maggotdangler.
Your friend,
Halfwit Critic Fan
Seriously. KILL YOURSELF.
Wow. That hurts. Especially the Boogfudian Floppydwart part. You didn't have to go there. Below the belt, IMO, but what do I know? I'm just a Perdian Mucousdripper. Your kind of opinions are precisely why I posted my email address. Every opinion is valid, especially ignorant ones that are unsupported by reality.
secret code: GSKD/HGED/GFDGH/HDF/JSDHW
Stay tuned for more sad truths from the Doctor!