Responding to Your Emails

Heed their Rising Voices
Hai stoopid!
Greetings again, crickets and trolls. A few days ago I set up an email address for you to write to, because I value the opinions of my readers. Hundreds of letters poured in, and believe me, it has taken a long time to go through them all. Over the coming weeks and months, I will try my best to highlight your concerns.
I'm a crazy son of a bitch.
This first letter comes from an anonymous sender that was not me:
You've got no idea what I'm capable of.
Doctor Idiot,
Your blogging incompetence is an inspiration to botched lobotomy patients everywhere. Your ineffective imitation of good posting style only serves to illuminate your lack of substance, good taste, and decency.
If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to drive an ant's Go-cart around the inside of a bottle cap.
You have about as much class as a bucket of mucous lodged on top of a dumpster in a Blue Light district of New Jersey. Maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if your brain cells weren't on the Endangered Species list. Who am I kidding? You would.
Finally, why don't you go and get lost somewhere where they don't have a "found" department?
Sincerely,
Anonymous
Why aren't you posting, Critty boy? Too scared?
Wow, sorry you feel that way. Thank the FSM you cared enough to favor us with your opinion through the time honored tradition of the harshly-worded email. Your ideas are well formed, and you have shown great initiative by taking five minutes to vomit out a mindless diatribe for all the world to see. Good for you, anonymous. That being said, don't ever talk that way about Jersey. Those are fighing words with me.
Delete your blog.
This next email was also definitely not written by me:
I will never go away
Dear Person I Hate,
Your "Clinic" is a tedious, homogenised, chameleon-esque scribble which amounts to nothing more than the demented cacophonous racket of a mindless lunatic banging loudly on kitchen pots and pans. Dullard, do yourself and everyone else a favor: disconnect your computer from the Internet.
The Anti-Moron™ software on my PC went crazy when I started to read your blog. You could type every thing you know about photoshopping on back of a microscopic postage stamp and still have room leftover for a shopping list.
Finally, take a look at this map. See this little tiny island, way out in the Gulf of Mexico Ocean? That's where the people who care live.
Sincerely Yours Truly,
Anonymous
Even if you ignore me
Sorry, anonymous. I couldn't get your map attachment to load properly. Try resending it as a .jpg file. I would be interested to know where this Gulf of Mexico Ocean is located. At any rate, thank you for your concern. Your harsh words have shamed me so much that I hereby resolve to stop blogging forever, after 5000 posts. Until then I look forward to receiving further electronic messages from you.
See you in your nightmares!
Stay tuned for more vitriolic bile from the Doctor's critics! And keep those hate emails coming!