Poetry Coroner

Post Moron Depression

Happy Monday, crickets and trolls. I'm trying out a new feature here at the Clinic. Since my good buddy Boner has left behind such a wealth of hateful verses, why not critique a few? Today's masterpiece is called Post Mortem Depression, and it appeared on the second version of Fark the Vote.
you there Boner?
Post Mortem Depression
by Edward Boner
Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum
Your multiple accounts are so much fun.
You whore and you troll in your quest for more votes.
It's a symphony of disgust, hitting all the sour notes.
I'd be a liar if I said that you all lacked great skill,
but you've fed me so much bullshit, I've had quite my fill.
The new sheep to your flock, are as pretentious as ever.
Unshopped images abound, those are really quite clever.
Where's Aarkieboy to show you all the errors of your ways.
Where's the humor and the skill that once filled our yesterdays.
A wasteland's all that's left upon the contest pages.
The losers have taken over, the bickering still rages.
There's nothing exquicite about this corpse, it's merely beginning to rot.
And the votes and participation will continue to die, whether you like it or not.
your poetry is a joke.
Glad that's over. Post moron depression is more like it. This puppy is ten pounds of suck in a five pound bag. I love how Boner kicks it off with a non-rhyme. "Dum" and "fun"? It just doesn't work. I'm not being a dick here, either. Any teacher on Earth (even a science teacher) would tell you that this poem has no structure. Writing in verse is more complex than just rhyming the last words of some bile-drenched sentences. It takes a measure of wit and sophistication.

Boner must realize he's putting out a pretty limp-wristed effort, because about 3/4 of the way through it he drops Aarkieboy's name in there. Pretty lame, Boner. I met George Clooney once, and he said anyone who does that is an asshole. However, if you insist on dragging even more Farkers into this clusterfuck, perhaps you should check out this quote from Aarkieboy's profile:
go fuck yourself.
People who have no sense of humor chap my ass...Rule #62: Don't take yourself (or anything for that matter) too damn serious.

I couldn't agree more. It should be followed immediately by:

Rule #63: If you're a humorless dick, don't assume that everyone else is, too.

Some of us like to laugh. If you're having trouble getting the joke, turn off the magic porno-box and fix yourself a nice warm glass of STFU. We don't give two shits about what you think of Fark. Fuck you and the trite literary cliche you rode in on.

This poem sounds as though it were subcontracted out to a 14 year-old emo douchebag. It certainly wasn't written by anyone intelligent enough to spell exquisite correctly. But then, we're dealing with a guy who thought posting contest pictures on a blog read by no one would make a difference, so we already know Boner's pretty dumb. I just can't believe he's too scared to comment here at the Clinic. Keep in mind that he has pledged not "...to correspond or go back and forth with anyone trying to start some pathetic feud..." so don't expect a brilliantly composed rebuttal. Just remember, Boner: you might not think you started this feud, but if you show up on my property, Richard Dawson will tear you limb-from-limb.

Stay tuned for more poetic deconstructions by the Doctor!