Friday Q&A

Questionable Repetition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. I hope everyone had a nice Christmas. With the rush of the holiday season, it looks like there just isn't enough time to answer your idiotic questions this week. To any readers who may rely on this feature's accuracy, I offer my sincerest apologies. I also have to wonder what the hell is wrong with you.

Q: You aren't going to answer any questions this week?

A: I'm afraid not. Apparently my schedule just won't allow for it. I hope you can understand. Next week will see the return of our standard format, so just stay calm until then. Do not attempt to answer questions on your own! My research indicates that you are ill-suited for such a task.

Q: Didn't you do this last year?

A: I certainly did. Regular visitors to the Clinic may recall that I pulled a similar stunt last Christmas. Of course, hate-blogging doesn't take a vacation. If you disagree with me about Photoshop, fuck off. Go hit yourself in the head with a claw hammer, shit dick. Hopefully, the preceding tirade will satisfy your recommended weekly allowance of bile.

Q: TSZ blows goats.

A: Such an eloquent statement. Have you ever considered hate-blogging? For future reference, please phrase your questions in the form of a question. But I guess it doesn't matter since I'm not answering anyway.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Look for my upcoming New Year's edition, where I count down the top hate blog postings of 2008. You won't want to miss it. When the time comes to hand out praise, I'm always the first to pat myself on the back.

Stay tuned for more self-congratulatory pap from the Doctor!

Christmas with the Doctor 2008

The Picture Clinic: Holiday Edition

Season's greetings, crickets and elves! Welcome to the second annual Picture Clinic Christmas Edition. Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? Good tidings to you, and all of your kin. Unless you disagree with me, in which case I sincerely hope you die. That being said, the holidays are a time to set differences aside. I have no qualms with that, assuming you admit to being a complete jackass.


This really is the most wonderful time of the year. The holidays are a season for sharing, whether you share venereal disease or self-righteous moral certitude. Personally, I make a habit of both. There's no such thing as too much sharing (unless you're the RIAA). On that note, I'm going to close this post by wishing a merry Christmas to you all!

Stay tuned for more good will from the Doctor!

The Doctor's Gift Guide

The Year of Giving Dangerously

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to the first annual Doctor's Gift Guide. Hopefully you've followed my advice, and put off Christmas shopping until the very last minute. Times are tough, and many Americans have a pretty slim budget this holiday season. Don't worry, I'm here to help! If you've actually purchased any gifts, just throw them in the garbage or burn them. You can't afford to waste a single dollar with the economy like this!

Gifts to Give:

1. Nothing: Every gift makes a statement, so why not say nothing? After all, nothing says nothing like nothing!

2. Name a fake star: There are quite a few websites that allow you to name a star after your loved one for a nominal price. They even provide you with a certificate of authenticity to validate your purchase. Of course, any good Photoshopper can replicate the certificate's design in a few minutes. No need to waste money on what is ostensibly the lamest gift imaginable. Follow my advice, and you could give the lamest gift imaginable for free!

3. Expired medication: Everyone likes pills! Now you can thrill your loved ones with the fun and mystery of taking an unknown controlled substance, whilst ridding your medicine cabinet of any unwanted Cipro or anti-psychotic drugs.

4. Charitable donation: Instead of spending big bucks on presents for your kids, just lie and tell them you gave all their gifts away to the Salvation Army. That way your kids learn a valuable lesson about giving, and you save a bit of cash. The needy families don't actually get anything, but they're probably too busy picking through the garbage for their next meal to notice.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Sorry there weren't more options in the Gift Guide this year. What can I say? Times are tough. Hopefully, these money-saving tips will allow you to enjoy the holiday season without breaking your budget. I think you'll find it's still possible to enjoy the warmth of family togetherness without decadent luxuries like mp3 players, video games, plasma TVs, food, clothing or basic medical care.

Stay tuned for more season's greetings from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Colorization

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Season's greetings to you all, unless you disagree with me. Christmas is just a few short days away! I love to spread peace and joy during this magical time of year, at least amongst the dozen or so people who haven't made my shit list. Thanks for joining me today. This week's questions address a number of concerns with the quality of recently approved Photoshop links.

Q: Why are people so mad about the queue?

A: There will always be a level of frustration with the Photoshop queue. PSers have varied tastes, and too many greenlights of a specific type will cause rumblings amongst the various factions. Last year's flap concerned the abundance of so-called "jumping O's." The carping over that particular type of image became somewhat of a cliche itself. In 2008, black and white pictures are fast becoming the new "jumping O." Their presence in the queue has dwarfed that of themes and Iron Photoshop contests. Thus the unrest has begun anew.

Q: What's the best kind of contest?

A: That depends on whom you ask. Some PSers prefer working with an O, whilst others enjoy the freestyle nature of theme contests. Admins have the unenviable task of accommodating both sides. If enough themes aren't approved, or if too many of the O's are black and white, people start bitching. It takes a soft touch to please the Photoshop masses. Unfortunately, displeasure with the queue seems to be fairly universal right now. Themes have taken a back seat in recent months, with many going live on weekends or late at night. Approved O's have increasingly been b&w, blurry, too busy or otherwise ill-suited for Photoshopping.

Q: How do we solve this problem?

A: First of all, not everyone sees a problem with the recently approved Photoshop links. Some people like colorizing pictures, after all. However, even they have to admit there's been an over-abundance of b&w images in recent months. Short of complaining to the PSAEF, there's not much the average PSer can do. Boycotting the contests won't work. Neither will voting -1 on a thread that people have already posted entries in. That just insults anyone who actually tried to make something of the image. The best course of action is to submit stuff that you do like, and hope it gets approved. Flood the queue with open-ended themes and good quality color images. Short of a DDOS attack on Shorpy.com, that's pretty much our only option.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks so much for stopping by. I want to congratulate TheSniperZERO, who recently took time out from trolling the Clinic to actually make some Photoshops. He even helped out during this week's theme drought by submitting a thread. Way to go, TSZ! Hopefully no "stewpid newbs" brushed up against you in the process.

Stay tuned for more sanitary concerns from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Interrogation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. I'm sending holiday cheer to each and every one of you that agrees with me. Christmas is right around the corner! There's a fat man making a list and checking it twice. No, I'm not talking about TheSniperZERO. He doesn't update his list of enemies until mid January. TSZ also doesn't have the mental capacity to check anything twice, given his propensity for spelling mistakes. Speaking of everyone's favorite Photoshop troll, this week's questions are inspired by a WHARGARBL-style rant he left in the comment section of my last post. Sorry to divert attention from the important topics at hand, but he raised some issues I'd like to discuss.

Q: Are you a journalist?

A: Absolutely not. Anyone who would mistake the Picture Clinic for journalism must really have something wrong with his penis. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a journalist. I am a blogger. Journalists are professionals with years of training. They search out the facts, and never let their opinions get in the way of the story. With such strong integrity, it's no wonder that pretty much all of their parent companies have gone bankrupt.

Q: Are you TheSniperZERO?

A: Wow, that's a new one. You heard it here first, readers. Today TSZ actually accused me of being TSZ. It's like even he knows how much of an insult that is. I feel compelled to reassure all of you that I'm not my arch-nemesis. How fucked up would that be? If I were TheSniperZERO, I'd be overcome by depression because of how much I would suck at Photoshop. I would also need to pay a homeless person fifty bucks to slice my face with a rusty box cutter. If you've ever seen a picture of TSZ, you know the resulting scars would be a vast improvement.

Q: Are you a liar?

A: Of course not. I already told you, I'm not TheSniperZERO. Who needs lies, when the truth is so ridiculous? Making things up would cheapen what we have going here. A stroll through the archives of the Clinic reveals that I always tell the truth, and am 100% right about everything all of the time. No lies here, my friend. This website remains the center of reason for the Fark Photoshop-related blog universe. But if it would please my critic(s) , I'll give lying a try: TheSniperZERO is a decent human being. I would urinate on him, if his body were ever to become engulfed in flames. There, now I'm a filthy liar. Happy?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Stay tuned for the upcoming Doctor's Gift Guide, and please try not to mistake it for serious journalism. I want to thank TSZ for resurfacing, like a turd in the toilet of whatever bus station men's room he currently inhabits. Way to go, TSZ. It's good to know that I can still provoke you after all this time.

Stay tuned for more smug satisfaction from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Version

Greetings, crickets and trolls. How nice of you to join me for another edition of the Friday Q&A. With the holiday season beginning, I hope we can put our differences behind us and move forward together in the spirit of positivity. As long as you admit that you're 100% wrong and a jackass. Let's agree to agree while I answer this week's questions.

Q: When is the TotalFark convention?

A: That's a damn good question. When Drew introduced ads to TF, he promised a number of trade offs to make up for the lameness of advertising on a pay site. One such trade off was the UltraFark email domain, which is currently being offered to users who purchase a six month subscription. Along with the email system, Drew also announced a yearly TotalFark-only convention. No further details were given, but it was assumed that the festivities would involve five hundred people camped out on his living room floor with sleeping bags.

Q: Will we ever see a return to 700 pixel width for Photoshop entries?

A: This question is mulled over periodically in the Photoshop community, but never gets an official response. You may recall that before the Fark redesign, Photoshop contest entries could be a maximum of 700 pixels in width. Then along came Fark 2.0, and suddenly we had a new 640 width restriction to deal with and collectively "get over." The disappointing official response to this problem is something most site regulars would rather forget. Look for changes sometime after Hell freezes over, but slightly before pigs fly.

Q: Why does Fark's management continue to ignore our concerns?

A: The powers that be are in no hurry to address any issues of site layout, no matter how shrill the cries of their detractors may be. Unfortunate, because Fark's ad space is poorly utilized. A few simple changes would allow for wider comments. But what happens? Those 340 gray pixels continue to mock us as we resize our latest artistic masterpiece and/or fart joke to fit the 640 restriction.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Remember to voice your concerns about problems like the size restriction in a constructive manner. Hopefully, Drew will take the width issue into consideration when Fark 3.0 is one day introduced. While the majority of regular Farkers have moved on, most Photoshoppers would like their 60 pixels back.

Stay tuned for more obvious understatements from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Alteration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Hopefully everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. As the Christmas season approaches, I think it's important to celebrate the spirit of giving. Look for an upcoming installment of The Doctor's Gift Guide, wherein I'll share my wealth of knowledge on the art of bribing people to like you. In the meantime, you'll have to settle for the gift of me answering your moronic questions.

Q: Did you change the Clinic's template?

A: I sure did. Congratulations on your keen powers of observation. It's really surprising that you "accidentally" bring home as many transsexual prostitutes as you do. The old Clinic template had gotten a bit dusty, and I felt it was time for a change. I also repaired the broken links to my theme song and TSZ testimonial. Mp3 hosts seem to flame out pretty quickly, as I've gone through three or more in this blog's lifespan alone. Hopefully the new one will stick around for a while.

Q: What happened to Curveball?

A: I moved it back to the Arcade. Having games here on the main page was fun for a while, but now it's time to free up that valuable real estate for an even better feature. What will it be? Another widget? More polls? Only time will tell. In the meantime, you can still find Curveball and all the other great games at the Clinic Arcade. Look for updates to that page in the future.

Q: Will we ever get another Honor Roll?

A: Apparently so. As you no doubt remember, StovepipeBender shut down the venerable Fark Honor Roll earlier this year. While the Scrutinizer serves its purpose admirably, many of us still miss the simplicity of the old HR. That's why I was excited to read a recent blog posting by the creator of Manipster. According to him, a forthcoming update will mimic the design and functionality of the original Honor Roll. This is good news for anyone who still misses that classic site. I'll make sure to bring any such revisions to your attention.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As always, thanks for stopping by. Don't be surprised if the Clinic undergoes a few more template changes in the coming days. Pardon my dust, as I've only altered this site's appearance twice so far. Stark contrast indeed to TheSniperZERO, who changed TFPSTC every time someone made him look like a douchey fucktard (which was two or three times per day for a while).

Stay tuned for more overdue remodeling from the Doctor!

Special Thanksgiving Edition 2008

Greetings, turkeys and rolls. Welcome the the second annual Picture Clinic Thanksgiving edition. I hope you're having a wonderful day filled with the warmth of family togetherness. Assuming you agree with me about Photoshop, of course. Otherwise, feel free to die of hepatitis in the gutter, whilst derelicts jab your eyeballs with rusty hypodermic needles.

We've got a lot to be thankful for this year. To honor the season, I'm preparing a delicious feast for the Fark Photoshoppers to enjoy. Invitations have been sent to all the cool, popular people in our community. Did you not get one? It's probably just an oversight, or perhaps you suck at Photoshop and nobody likes you. Either way, I'll try to save you some leftovers.

Stay tuned for more holiday greetings from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Division

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me on such a fine day. As always, I know you have a choice in hate blogs. It was smart of you to choose mine over the one that was written by a cretin. I suppose this is where being able to string more than three sentences together without starting a new paragraph pays off. But let's get to the questions. I grow weary insulting the writing style of a well-known jackass.

Q: Do you miss the Golden Age?

A: Which one? In my mind, there will always be two: the Golden Age of Photoshop and the Golden Age of being a complete prick about Photoshop. I was assured that the latter was cyclical. That all the shitheads from last year would come crawling back to embroil our forum in controversy once again, whilst simultaneously dragging innocent people into a dispute more idiotic than it is nuanced. I'm still waiting for that, of course. Perhaps another mass email is in order, TSZ?

Meanwhile, the actual Golden Age of Photoshop seems to exist in a different time depending on who you talk to. Some people claim that the Golden Age of Photoshop happened last Tuesday at 9:17 AM. Others claim it happened at 9:16AM, and anything posted afterward is the work of ignorant hacks whose mothers never loved them. The point is, the "Golden Age" begins when you start 'shopping, and dies a gruesome death the minute you lose interest. When that happens, be sure to hit spell check before posting your sour grapes missive on our community's decline.

Q: Does our community need conflict?

A: Of course not, you hideous imbecile. Your choice of wording immediately tells me that you are bad at Photoshop and probably impotent as well. People participate in Fark contests to escape the tedium of their boring lives, not squabble endlessly. I'm proud of the good sportsmanship exhibited by my friends and rivals. We're altogether a pretty mature group, and there's no room for mean-spirited jackasses. Except for me, but I'm a charismatic antihero whom everyone likes and wants to give fifty dollars to.

Q: Did you win the Blog War?

A: In war there are no winners, only losers. And stupid losers who don't know how to debate a point without immediately calling someone a homosexual. I'm proud to fall into the former category. Proud to be a loser, you ask? Well, as the musician Beck once declared, "there's a devil's haircut in my mind." And while there are no winners in war, history is written by the victors. Anyone named Victor is urged to immediately begin transcribing the events of this epic struggle for Photoshop dominance. Make sure to note how I won.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. You're always a welcome guest at the Clinic, assuming you agree with everything I have to say. If not, you're stupid and I hate you. Leave now, and I promise I'll only write another 87 posts about what a lame asshole you are.

Stay tuned for more petty grudges from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Communication

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A, a weekly feature that tells you what to think. After all, if there's one thing creative types like, it's being told what to think. Yes, you like that very much. You've made a very wise decision by joining me once again, for a post that promises to be informative and filled with words.

Q: Is there any breaking news?

A: Yes, and some of it is actually positive. Today I was contacted by Chris, proprietor of the PS archive Manipster. He politely thanked me for my input, and assured that some recent updates have increased Manipster's tabulation accuracy. The site is apparently still evolving, so look for more news on this story in the coming months.

Q: Why doesn't everyone get an UltraFark email account?

A: That seems to be the question that no one's asking. For anyone who isn't aware, TFers with a six month or greater subscription were recently gifted with a new UltraFark email address. Thanks to Drew for keeping his promise of providing a few trade-offs to make up for the presence of ads on TotalFark. It's just unfortunate that so many users won't get to enjoy it. After all, many TFers purchase their subscriptions month by month, and have been doing it that way for years.

Q: Why is the email plan potentially dangerous?

A: Because assigning everyone a predictable address is like putting out troll bait. There's a reason why Fark gives you the option of concealing your email. Many users I've spoken with have reported getting spammed by cowardly trolls. We all remember Boner's hate mail campaign. While the idea of having the UltraFark domain seems cool on the outset, I'm afraid some users may discover the perils of having an easily predictable email address.

That's all for this time gentle reader. As always, have a great weekend. I want to end this post by once again thanking Chris from Manipster for his kind words. I look forward to reporting on the forthcoming updates to his site. I'm hopeful that it will become a useful resource for our community.

Stay tuned for more cautious optimism from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Ascension

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. As always, I hope you had a great week. Unless you disagree with me about photoshop, in which case I hope you had explosive diarrhea while you were stuck in an elevator. Change your pants so we can move on to the questions.

Q: Will the end of the election cycle effect Fark?

A: Only for the better, I'm sure. Election season is probably one of the most annoying times to be a Farker. Our community is seen as a battleground by the opposing sides, and virtually the same gaggle of morons can be found trolling every political discussion to death. Shameful, really. They could be expressing their skewed views through the time-honored tradition of a poorly written Blogspot page.

Q: What about the political theme contests?

A: I doubt we've seen the last of those. Along with the standard astro-turf comments and partisan headlines, this election cycle also saw a sharp rise in the submission of politically themed photoshop contests. While the entries in each were hilarious, that same aforementioned gaggle of morons would inevitably arrive to ruin the thread with their vitriolic discussions. At this point, I'm sure the mods/admins are more burned out with politics than we are. Maybe now the PSers can get back to envisioning what it would be like if various groups ruled the world.

Q: Who did you vote for?

A: Honestly, that's none of your business. I've done my best over these past few months not to let my bile-drenched political opinions interfere with my bile-drenched views on photoshop. There's enough hatred to go around here at the Clinic without bringing political affiliations into the mix. However, with the elections at an end, I suppose it would be okay to share my choice. With regards to voting, I wrote in my name on the ballot like I always do.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As always, thanks for stopping by. Allow me to apologize for this brief foray into the political sphere. Throughout this election, I've been disgusted with the lack of decency shown by followers from both sides. It seems that the Internet, which was intended to spread knowledge, is all too often a breeding ground for ignorance. That's why I'm determined to spread my version of the truth. I'm sure the world is anxious to hear my views.

Stay tuned for more flawed logic from the Doctor!

Dieday Q&A

Questionable Bastardization

Greetings, crickets and ghouls. Welcome to the second annual Picture Clinic Halloween Special. This year's post is a very spooky edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me. October 31st is truly the most terrifying day of the year, especially if you're spooked by mass-marketed plastic crap.

Q : What's the most frightening Fark cliche?

A: I would have said the Nutsack Squirrel and his over-zealous lawyers, but the answer is apparently Domo Kun. That character's license was obtained by the Target corporation for use as a Halloween mascot. I'm pretty sure it's the first time a Fark meme has been part of a national ad campaign. This is good news for Domo fans, as a wide range products featuring his likeness are now available.

Q: Was Target aware of Domo's status as an Internet meme?

A: It's likely just a coincidence. I seriously doubt this is some kind of attempt at catering to the Fark demographic. Very few people are Farkers. However, it's always a possibility. Maybe Target's Easter promotion will feature the Pancake Bunny.

Q: Why did they choose Domo Kun?

A: He's apparently the next big thing. Domo Kun is set to debut his own TV show on Nickelodeon. Pretty soon he'll forget all about his old Fark cliche friends and stop taking their phone calls. There's no way that a star like him would bring Ceiling Cat and HaHa Guy to all the limousine jacuzzi sex parties he'll no doubt be attending.

That's all for this time, sinful reader. Best wishes for a happy Halloween! I want to close this post by welcoming any new visitors to the Picture Clinic. Thanks for making me your hate blog of choice.

Stay tuned for more vague platitudes from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Repudiation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Since the Clinic's inception, this site has remained the gold standard for Fark photoshop community interest blogs. I do my best to provide the most up to date information available, and present it each week in the form of an asinine rant. In this edition, I'll be taking another look at the website Manipster, which was once again linked in the PSAEF recently.

Q: What is Manipster?

A: Manipster is a website that archives the entries from Fark photoshop threads. It appeared a few months ago, around the time that the Honor Roll went offline. Unfortunately, it's never been a useful resource like the HR was. Originally, it only archived the last five contests. This made the site pretty useless, given the volume of PS threads on Fark. Fortunately, Manipster appears to be a work in progress. Many new features have been added since my original review of the site, and it's only fair for me to take another look.

Q: What kind of new features?

A: First of all, it appears that Manipster will now remember all the contests since mid September, instead of only the last five. While this is a definite improvement, the site still stops counting votes way too early. We all know that photoshop entries can continue to get votes many days after live time, but Manipster only keeps track for a few hours. Another notable feature is the addition of a comment section for each contest, though right now every thread displays the same identical set of responses.


Q: So who's running Manipster?

A: I suppose that's been the question all along. Since Manipster first appeared, we've had no clue about the creator's identity or motives. Thankfully, his latest updates contained a write up about the site's purpose. It is apparently intended to be a digest of PS contests, for people too busy to actually Fark. The owner seems to be a nice guy, but he's definitely not a photoshopper. Otherwise, he would know the importance of displaying an accurate vote tally.

The good news is that he seems open to suggestions about how Manipster should work. In time, the site could actually become a valuable resource, though presently it's still pretty useless. Until Manipster displays an individual user's PS profile like the Scrutinizer does, our community won't have much use for it.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I want to close today's post by apologizing to TheSniperZERO for not openly mocking him more in this edition of the Q&A. Sorry TSZ, maybe next time. Perhaps now that I've mentioned him, he won't feel compelled to leave a snotty anonymous comment.

Stay tuned for more obvious flame-baiting from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Delusion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. I'm glad you're here, unless you disagree with me in any way whatsoever, in which case you can go fuck yourself. This week, I'll be taking questions about the newest changes to Fark. We've got a lot of ground to cover, so I'll have to skip my conventional opening diatribe about TheSniperZERO. I'm sure he won't mind, because he's a stupid jerk.

Q: Why is Fark selling headline t-shirts?

A: Drew must need more beer money. In a feature similar to CNN, Farkers can now buy a shirt with their favorite headline proudly emblazoned on the front. Unfortunately, many users took issue with the annoying presence of t-shirt icons all over the main page. Others noted that the tags on the shirts don't match the standard Fark tags, the left-justified text looks awkward, and anyone seen wearing a Fark shirt should immediately be punched in the face.


Even worse is the fact that 90% of all headlines don't make sense/aren't funny when printed out of context on a t-shirt. Some pretty bizarre examples were posted in this thread. Can you imagine having to constantly explain the shirt to everyone who sees it? I don't know many people who are even aware of what Fark is. Thankfully, the PS community escapes this blatant consumerism due to the quasi-legality of what we do (at least according to the lawyers of a certain well-endowed rodent). Don't look for your favorite photoshop entry on a shirt any time soon. In fact, no PS headlines are available for purchase.

In the end, I suppose submitters may want their headline on a shirt, so there's the potential for at least one sale per link. Unless users figure out they can reproduce Fark's craptastic design in less than five minutes with MSPaint, Drew stands to make a good 15 bucks for every link that gets greenlit. That makes enough sense on paper to justify the attempt, and I'll be interested to see how sales go. In the meantime, Adblock can eliminate the annoying t-shirt icon.

Q: What happened to the TotalFark logo?

A: The logo was shortened in order to make room for all that new ad space. This redesign was necessary, and no one really expected much in the way of graphical styling. After all, the original TotalFark logo was nothing special. Unfortunately, the new logo is a mess.



I don't know why the powers that be went with that design, but critiquing a web site logo is asinine. Personally, I adblock the damn thing. It makes the top of the page look a lot cleaner if you're already using Stylish to remove the banner.

Q: Are you a commie or a fascist?

A: I can only assume you're asking that question in reference to Fark's new Political Inclination Thermometric Analyzer. According to Drew's description, the PITA meter has been implemented in order to pacify accusations of bias by both left and right wing whiners. I personally was not aware of the delicate balance between communism and fascism. It's kind of depressing that the extreme of both ideologies ends in a police state.


At any rate, this is just another new feature that doesn't affect the photoshoppers. I suppose if you really hate the graphic you could adblock it (this blog is becoming like a damn advertisement for that plug in). As for my own political views, I try not to make them an issue here at the Clinic, something that I'm sure my international readers are thankful for. American politics is surely an annoying distraction from scratching at the dirt in front of their ramshackle huts.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As always, thanks for stopping by. While some of you may be upset at the unappealing look of Fark 2.5, keep in mind that things could be a lot worse. While a contest to design the t-shirt template or TF logo would have been fun, Drew chose to go another route. I for one am glad we didn't get involved. People are going to hate the shirts and reduced logo regardless of who creates them.

Stay tuned for more truthful cynicism from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Depression

Greetings, crickets and trolls. This was a pretty eventful week for our community, and I'm sad to say we suffered an unfortunate loss. There are a few items I'd like to go over, so I'm going to dispense with the conventional character assassination and self-aggrandizing pap. Don't worry, I'll make up for this temporary lull in narcissistic aggression with next week's post.

Q: What happened to Cliche City?

A: It's offline until further notice. Grampy, esteemed Fark PSer and Cliche City founder, received a threat of legal action from the lawyers representing photographer Kevin Schaffer. Apparently Schaffer owns the copyright to that infamous Farknut squirrel picture, and his lawyers took issue with a particular item in the Cliche City's online store. While the dispute had nothing to do with Fark or its photoshop contests, Drew was more than willing to lend his personal and even financial support to Grampy. I sincerely hope this puts all the complaints that "Drew doesn't care about PSers" to bed. Some quick communication with Schaffer was all it took to resolve the situation, but Cliche City unfortunately remains offline for the time being.


Q: Will any good come of this situation?

A: At first glance, no. I'm sure TheSniperZERO is pissing his pants with glee right now, but he should consider a few things before celebrating too much. Some of our community members believed Grampy's site was part of the cliche abuse problem. They failed to realize that these pictures are easily found with a GIS. Eliminating one archive won't rid us of the Paint Huffer Guy, Mustard Man, or the infamous Farknut Squirrel. I hope Grampy will get Cliche City back online soon, since it has always been a great reference tool for learning how Fark memes originated.

Q: What about the new Totalfark features?

A: They are supposedly forthcoming. Last week, Drew announced some new goodies intended to act as a trade-off for the addition of ads to the Totalfark service. First of all, anyone purchasing a six month or year long subscription will receive a "{yourname}@ultrafark.com" email address. Whether you can continue to use it after the subscription expires has not been made clear yet. Hopefully the powers that be will find a way to integrate this email function seamlessly into the site. Given their track record for design, I can only assume they will be using duct tape and bungee cords. There are actually a few new features on the horizon, and Totalfark users have been promised full access to the beta testing. Hopefully we won't be told to "get over" any bugs we report.

The last TF perk proposed was an annual Totalfark-only convention. This seems like a logistically impossible task, given the site's international appeal and the general laziness of its users. I also have a few questions about the event's exclusivity to Totalfark. What if you have TF, but your spouse doesn't? Can Liters come to the convention if you sponsor them just for that month? Hopefully we'll get the answers to these and other inane questions soon enough.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I want to take some time here at the end to offer Grampy an apology for discussing his personal business here at the Clinic. While his legal troubles are none of my concern, the loss of Cliche City is a noteworthy event in our community. As the last remaining photoshop blogger, I feel the need to comment on the situation.

Stay tuned for more situational commentary from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Compression

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This week, we witnessed the unpopular debut of ads on Totalfark. Until now, freedom from advertisements was a major selling point of the TF subscription. In this week's post, we'll be looking at why Drew chose to make the change.

Q: Why do we need ads on Totalfark?

A: It's all about money. Drew apparently needs the revenue generated by the sale of these ads to keep the site running. If this truly is the case, then TF ads are a necessary evil. The layout certainly isn't new. Farklite users have dealt with extra ads and an extremely narrow comment section since the site's redesign. Avoiding such annoyances was a key selling point of Totalfark. Now that the "kinder gentler" edict has ruined TFD, the last real enticement is early access to the contests. That's a fine lure for PSers, but what about the rest of the community?

Q: Why are people so mad?

A: I don't think anyone is questioning the actual presence of the ads. We all know that the economy is in the shitter, and Drew has to do what it takes to make ends meet. We want Fark to survive, and if that means the inclusion of a few banners, so be it. However, there is no excuse for ignoring the problem of the layout. The large gray area on the right hand side of the screen is a joke.

Fark's ad space isn't nearly as obtrusive or annoying when compared with some other sites I've seen. However, it also seems to be poorly utilized. Once you scroll past a certain point, the banners aren't even visible. Why they refuse to alter that layout is beyond me.

Q: Is there anything we can do to fix the problem?

A: Thankfully, yes. By using Firefox and a couple of plug-ins, you can completely ignore the new Totalfark reformatting. This workaround was posted in the PSAEF and the Squirrel Forums, but I'll go over it here in case anyone missed out. You'll need the Firefox browser, as well as the Adblock and Stylish plugins. Once you've installed these programs, open up the options menu for Stylish and click the button to write a new style. Give it a description and paste the following text into the appropriate box:

@namespace url(http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml); @-moz-document domain("fark.com") { #topAd728x90 { display: none !important;} #bodyRightSideContainer {width:150px !important;} #rightAd300x250{display: none !important;} #rightSideRightMenubar{display: none !important;} #bodyHeadlineContainer {margin:0 170px 15px 0 !important;} }@-moz-document domain("totalfark.com") { #bodyRightSideContainer {width:150px !important;} #rightAd300x250{display: none !important;} #rightSideRightMenubar{display: none !important;} #bodyHeadlineContainer {margin:0 170px 15px 0 !important;} }

Thanks to the TFers who helped provide this workaround. Once it's enabled, you won't have to worry about your comment sections getting compressed. You'll also find that all banners have been removed from the Fark main page. The stylish plug-in is a must, even for Liters. You won't be able to see the classifieds, but who the hell reads that crap?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Next week, I'll be discussing the new Totalfark features intended to make up for the unwelcome presence of ads. Hopefully, these trade offs will be enough to keep subscribers on board.

Stay tuned for more wishful thinking from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Preparation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A. As you all know, my favorite activity here at the Clinic is answering questions relevant to the Fark photoshop community. Above all, I believe in spreading awareness. For example, were you aware that TheSniperZERO is a prick? If not, you may have missed my previous hundred posts on the subject. Please read them before continuing, because petty grudges are the most important aspect of good photoshopping. Aside from lens flare, of course.

Q: How much time should be spent on a photoshop entry?

A: This is an area where my opinion differs from most of the PS elites, and all of the elitists. One sentiment that I hear time and again is that as Totalfark subscribers, we should spend a greater amount of time on our work than the Liters do. And yet, anyone who reads the PSAEF has observed countless people complain about how their Q&D work gets higher scores than something they spent hours on. This happens a lot, and it obviously isn't a random occurrence.

Q: Do the voters prefer crappy photoshops?

A: Yes and no. We're all aware of the bump in voting that comes from the usage of a cliche, geek reference or attractive female. However, even people who don't rely on these old standards have reported achieving more success with a simple concept than with something they spent hours on. Every time this discussion comes up, the prevailing logic is that Fark voters are unpredictable. Once again, I have to disagree. The reason that these simple concepts eclipse the more elaborate endeavors has nothing to do with a flaky voting public. In my opinion, you can spend too much time on an entry. If you expend enough effort trying to make the concept work, you sometimes forget to ask yourself if it's even worth doing in the first place.

Q: So I should only spend a few minutes on my images?

A: Of course not. There's a big difference between polishing a sharp concept and spending hours trying to bring an ill-conceived idea to fruition. Just because you've spent a day or two working on an image doesn't mean the voters will be compelled to vote for it. They don't see the process, only the results. While you may have invested hours of your life in an entry, to the voters it's just another image. If it doesn't have a good punchline or artistic "wow," your brilliant idea will just blend in with the rest of the crowd.

That's all for this time gentle reader. I certainly didn't mean offense to the more "artsy" element of our community with my endorsement of simple 'shopping. Some of the most talented PSers couldn't care less about their vote average. Others have the skills to own a contest with an elaborate design that's entirely joke free. The views expressed in this post obviously don't apply to these people. However, I've observed the voting trends enough to understand that voters like purity. It's very easy to over think a concept. The next time you find yourself struggling to make an idea work, try re-sourcing it to see if you can express the same design more simplistically.

Stay tuned for more pragmatic suggestions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Perfection

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A, your source for worthless opinions and drawn-out Internet grudges. I hope everyone had a great week, unless you disagree with me, in which case I hope you drowned in dog shit while choking on a horse's cock. Anyone not asphyxiated by canine fecal matter and equine genitalia is free to join me for some questions.

Q: Will people ever stop using cliches?

A: I sure hope not. After all, I know how much cliches piss people off. The creation and dissemination of Internet memes can actually be pretty interesting, if you're able to pay attention and stop foaming at the mouth for a few minutes. Complaining about how much you hate a particular cliche only breathes more life into it. Regardless of your zeal or bluster, no one is going to read your ill-conceived diatribe and think "I'd better stop using Mustard Man, this guy sounds serious."

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: cliches have a shelf life. If you don't like a particular meme, don't vote for it and don't use it in your work. That is the one and only way to make a cliche disappear. Trying to shame others into following your example is an exercise in futility, as it has been proven time and again that people on the Internet have no shame.

Q: Are you encouraging cliche abuse?

A: One thing that separates me from a lot of my photoshop peers is that I don't perceive cliche usage to be a problem. People have the right to post whatever they want in a Fark contest, assuming they can work within the rather amorphous guidelines of the posting rules. A cliche is just a choice of concept for a photoshop entry. Being critical of an other's concept leaves you open to criticism of your own, something I more than proved to our good friend TheSniperZERO.

Q: Doesn't cliche usage limit the creativity in a thread?

A: You're assuming that people choose between posting a well-crafted image or a Q&D cliche pic. Not everyone has the time or even the ability to put out a masterpiece. I applaud those who do, but the beauty of Fark is that anyone can compete and win. Cliches even the playing field, which can sometimes be frustrating. After all, no one likes to see their carefully-crafted original image go down in flames against a cut/pasted Paint Huffer. Next time this happens to you, try taking a second look at your own concept instead of damning the ubiquitous cliche user. If your work isn't good enough to beat Pat Tribbett, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. Blogging has taught me that while you can't change anyone's mind on the Internet, you can always insult people with whom you disagree. Who cares about intelligent discourse, when you can just tell someone to fuck off and DIAF?

Stay tuned for more incendiary rhetoric from the Doctor!

Birthday Q&A

Questionable Conception

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special edition of the Friday Q&A. It's TheSniperZERO's birthday! Just 37 years ago, a small-minded jackass was born. Let's all join together in celebration of this unique individual, who captivated us with backbiting insults.

Q: What is TheSniperZERO's problem?

A: I've been trying to figure that out since I first discovered him. TSZ is truly a man of mystery. Since our first skirmish, I've been wondering exactly what crawled up this guy's ass. He has a mile-long list of people whom he can't stand, which makes me wonder why he bothered with trying to "save" the Fark community in the first place. Regardless of his hamfisted intervention, I think we're doing just fine.


Q: Why didn't TSZ respond to last week's post?

A: I have no idea. I was all set for an epic flame war, filled with pseudo-psychoanalytical posturing and straw man arguments. What a letdown! How rude of him to disappoint my readers like that. Maybe he'll come to his senses this week and call me a fag or a retard. I've had so much fun baiting him into dozens of pointless tantrums, and I sure hope I'm not losing my touch.

Q: Why is TheSniperZERO such a lousy critic?

A: He seems to prefer the "do as I say, not as I do" approach to photoshopping. For all his bluster towards so-called cliche abusers, TSZ's own photoshop work is largely dependent on Star Wars and other geek culture references. If you're going to set yourself up as some kind of guru, at least have the decency to follow your own guidelines.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. I want to close this post by once again wishing TheSniperZERO a happy birthday. It's been said that when they made TSZ, they broke the mold. Okay, no one's ever said that, but I still hope it's true.

Stay tuned for more cautious optimism from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Attrition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Every week, I distill my vast array of photoshop knowledge into a pineapple-shaped cluster of wisdom, which I then proceed to cram up TheSniperZERO's expansive shit hole. It's my way of giving back to the Fark community, by proliferating my negative opinions and constantly proclaiming how heroic I am.

Q: Did you talk to any old friends this week?

A: I sure did. We finally heard something from TheSniperZERO, who crawled out from the gutter to spew some more bile. This was a nice change of pace from the last few months, when he thought pretending to ignore my blog would make it go away. Since that tactic failed more than his quest for photoshop relevance, TSZ has once again fallen back into his comfort zone of profanity and schoolyard insults. I was wondering how long that mouth-breathing jackass could hold his tongue.

Q: Why did TSZ pick this week to stop lurking?

A: I would say that he disagreed with my stance on the Fail tag, but I think we all know that he doesn't really have an opinion about that issue. Why would someone who barely uses Fark care what one of the tags looked like? I believe he may be feeling frustrated after a recent PSAEF conversation, wherein his erstwhile whipping boy Tillman professed to have only recently discovered the wit and wisdom of TFPSTC. I found this to be extremely amusing, given how the Critic thought he was making some kind of a stand by "calling out" our favorite Krylon enthusiast. The dumbfuck might as well have been talking to a brick wall.

Q: Are you doing anything special for TheSniperZERO's birthday?

A: You bet I am. Many of you will remember last year's celebration. As luck would have it, TSZ's birthday falls on a Friday this time around. You can expect a very special Q&A next week. It will be vastly different from previous editions devoted entirely to TSZ (including this one). You won't want to miss the festivities!

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by to once again bask in the warmth of my self-proclaimed genius. I want to congratulate TSZ for finally speaking up after all these months. It may have only been a snide four-line comment, but hopefully there's a lot more where that came from.

Stay tuned for more flame baiting from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Definition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to the last Q&A of our anniversary month. I know I promised more events as part of our celebration, but if you've been reading the secret coded messages I include in each post, you'd know that the festivities have only been postponed briefly. Keep checking back for further details. Right now I've got some questions to answer.

Q: Should Fark's management take a more active role in our community?

A: Not in my opinion. One complaint I've heard many times is that Drew and company seem to turn a blind eye to the photoshop community. Farkbacks go unanswered, and suggestions go ignored. The higher ups on the site seem to take a hands off approach when it comes to the photoshop contests. Personally, I'm glad they don't go mucking around with the formula. If the site's disastrous redesign and the subsequent creation of that hideous new tag are any indications, change at Fark is hardly a good thing. Except when they canceled FarkTV, of course.

Q: Should Drew have consulted a photoshopper to create the new Fail tag?

A: Certainly not. Fark photoshoppers already get enough disrespect on the Internet without being to blame for that monstrosity. There's actually some debate as to whether or not the new tag is intended to look like shit, but I personally don't care what the intention was. It's pretty clear that management dropped the ball here. They could have made an effort to match it to the existing tags, or even held a contest and let the users create it themselves. I believe the latter option would have been very popular. Instead we get handed down something that most photoshoppers resent, at least the ones who still visit the main page.

Q: Are the other Fark users enjoying the Fail tag?

A: They seem to be, but it doesn't have the popularity that some people expected. At one point today, the Fail tag was only used three times on the main page, while the Dumbass tag was used more than ten. Of course, the Stupid tag was only used once, so Fail has at least some popularity with the masses. However, even they have trouble denying that it looks terrible.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks so much for visiting the Clinic. As we bring our anniversary month to a close, I want to thank everyone who has helped make this blog possible, especially TheSniperZERO. His lame attempts at trolling made the first few months a blast. Hopefully, one of these days he'll decide to stop lurking. Then I can once again look forward to reading two or three dozen "anonymous" comments on each post about how I'm a waste of time.

Stay tuned for more wishful thinking from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Degradation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I delve deeply into the consciousness of the Fark photoshop community, then pat myself on the back for doing an awesome job. Sometimes I even skip the first step, so I can focus on great I am.

Q: What makes your blog so awesome?

A: First of all, you're doing the right thing by sucking up to me. It's a good look for you. That being said, it's important to note that I'm not the most awesome person on Fark. However, I am the loudest and most abrasively sanctimonious. This gives me an edge in the blogging world, where self-serving narcissism reigns supreme.

Q: Can others learn from your example?

A: I like to think so. In a perfect world, we would all have blogs. Think of what a glorious utopia that would be! Every fool would blither endlessly into the void, scrawling down their worthless opinions as if they mattered to anyone. Actually, that's pretty close to what we have now. This is truly a marvelous time to be alive.

Q: Was the critic right about Fark's decline?

A: Of course not. The Critic (aka: TheSniperZERO) was never right about anything. Not only were his assessments of my fellow photoshoppers inaccurate, but his rants about the so-called "Golden Age" coming to an end were utterly laughable. In my opinion, the only things that change on Fark are which clichés people bitch about being "abused." There will always be good work and lousy work, and neither has more right to exist in our community than the other.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. As we continue to celebrate the Clinic's one year anniversary, keep checking this blog for the well-written commentary you demand. One of these days, it just might be here.

Stay tuned for more self satire from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Insertion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special edition of the Friday Q&A. Today is our one year anniversary! I sure hope you got me a nice present. If I'm not mistaken, the first year's gift is traditionally paper. While I'm hoping for a crisp hundred dollar bill, I would also accept a few wads of toilet tissue. Assuming at least one ply is unused.

Q: Why do you keep this blog going?

A: Why not? Blogging is the thing to do these days. If you have a warped opinion and a semi-functional keyboard, you can complain to the whole world. I have one advantage over most bloggers in that I am always 200% right. I attain this feat by being an argumentative jackass. You should try it some time! Unless you're TheSniperZERO, in which case you should probably cut back a bit.

Q: Why do you love being a blogger?

A: It's a natural fit for me. Blogging combines two of my favorite things: self congratulatory pap, and the time honored tradition of complaining. Before the Picture Clinic, you had to stand in my general vicinity, or accidentally call me on the telephone to hear my opinions. Modern technology has allowed me to spread my message of peace, unity, and undying hatred to people around the world.

Q: Do you like working alone?

A: Absolutely. I enjoy the wonderful togetherness and community spirit of Fark, but there are some things you just have to do by yourself. While there were a few mutual Critic antagonists, no one conspired against him. If anything, most of us disagree on who was most effective at fucking up TFPSTC. I'm not after bragging rights, so I'll let whomever wants to take credit for that rag's downfall do so without comment.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Once again, thanks for making this blog possible. Keep checking the Clinic for more special events during our anniversary month. While I have a life outside of Fark, you can always look to this site for an unbiased opinion on how TheSniperZERO is a complete ass.

Stay tuned for more factual veracity from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Supposition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another fine edition of the Friday Q&A. How's your summer going? I've spent mine trying to decide if I have a God complex or just a messiah complex. In the end, I've decided I'm actually a little better than the FSM. After all, he never even had a blog. And unlike the invisible sky wizard, I actually answer your questions.

Q: How do we make Fark better?

A: You must be new around here to express such an optimistic sentiment. Or incredibly stupid. Either way, I doubt you're much help with the crossword puzzle. Now that I've finished deriding you, I can see why you might think your opinion matters. The close-knit aspect of our community makes the illusion of democracy tantalizingly plausible. However, much like American politics, this is sadly not the case. Fark is much more akin to a dictatorship, however benevolent, and the will of the people is of little consequence.

Q: Why is it so difficult to get photoshop links approved?

A: Unlike most of the insipidly brainless questions you ask, this one is at least mildly interesting. Every day, dozens of photoshop links are submitted to Fark. The fact that anyone can submit a picture or theme leads to a lot of junk. Every time an image is featured in the news, you can bet that some idiot will submit it as a PS contest. Likewise, incredibly narrow themes appear to be a staple. These throwaway links lead to a lot of noise, so don't be surprised if your great thread idea gets drowned out by all the crap.

Q: Why doesn't Drew appoint a Photoshop admin?

A: Ah, the eternal question. Whenever this discussion comes up, someone invariably suggests that Drew appoint a special administrator to approve PS links. It seems like a logical solution from the perspective of the photoshoppers, but it's utterly laughable in the eyes of the Fark brass. The reason is quite simple, and it isn't because "Drew doesn't care about PSers" or whatever shrill nonsense the anti-Fark crowd espouses. Adding another link in the chain would only serve to cause a logjam. It's already enough of a chore to review all the crap that gets submitted without extending the approval process.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. As we continue to celebrate the Picture Clinic's one year anniversary, I want to thank all the readers who've made this blog possible, especially TheSniperZERO. I may have a lot of fun at his expense, but that's only because he's an arrogant prick with no discernible sense of humor or social skills.

Stay tuned for more factual statements from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Captivation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to the first Q&A of August! As you may already know, this is a very important month for us here at the Picture Clinic. It's our one year anniversary! Just a little less than twelve months ago saw the Clinic's inception and subsequent attack from TheSniperZERO. In celebration of this monumental occasion, I've planned a month-long gala. Sit back and enjoy my salute to petty grudges and infinite bickering!

Q: Why is Fark suddenly so unreliable?

A: Fark has been undergoing a hardware upgrade, and that means reliability has really been in the toilet. I've experienced technical difficulties several times over the last couple of weeks, though none of the outages lasted very long or interfered with the contests. Still, like dead air on the radio, any down time for a site like Fark is going to be noticed and commented on, usually by ignorant pricks who think their opinions matter. That's where I come in.

Q: What makes this blog different from the others?

A: This isn't your average blog. It's more like an anti-blog. There are many subtleties that differentiate myself from run-of-the-mill bloggers who only bitch about their worthless lives. I take pride in the fact that none of my readers visit the Clinic to hear what I think about modern society. Instead, they care about what really matters: the minutiae and pageantry surrounding Fark's photoshop threads.

Another important difference is my use of proper English, casting aside the LOLspeak and jumbled sentence structure that typically infests Internet communication. I personally find the OMG LOL crap to be pretty tiresome. Having to constantly look up the meanings of non-intuitive abbreviations is powerfully tedious. The same tedium I can imagine TSZ experiences while trying to find definitions for the multi-syllabic words I use.

Q: Do you welcome TheSniperZERO's return to Fark?

A: Absolutely. Anyone who has followed the drama surrounding TFPSTC is well aware that the blog's elusive proprietor TheSniperZERO has left Fark many times in a huff, periodically returning to post some contest entries every few months or so. Whenever he does this, I cross my fingers that he'll stick around for good, but each time I've been sorely disappointed. He had so many ideas for how others could "improve" their work, can't he come up with a few images of his own?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. Be sure to check back throughout the month for exciting coverage of the Clinic's anniversary, as well as new features and informed commentary (inclusion of the latter pending its discovery somewhere on the Internet). Before signing off, I feel as though I should apologize to TSZ for only devoting 1/3 of this week's column to our ongoing feud. Sorry, but our never-ending grudge match is not exactly "first comment" material.

Stay tuned for more important things from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Opinions

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another thrilling edition of the Friday Q&A. As you already know, this is the time of the week when I try my best to answer some of your idiotic questions. That's a pretty tall order, as it takes me a substantial amount of time just to correct the misspelled words. Too bad this column isn't about your wanton refusal or inability to operate the spell check function of a computer. If that were the case, I'd have enough fodder for a thousand posts.

Q: Is cliché abuse still as big a problem as it was last year?

A: First of all, I don't think that cliché abuse has ever been a problem. Cliché use was a bit more prevalent a few months ago, but the claims of infestation were hyperbole if not outright falsehood. For whatever reason, many of the clichés that were in active rotation back then have since died off. Mustard Man and the Icy Hot Stuntaz are becoming as rare as the endangered spotted owl and white rhino. And the much maligned Cliché City has begun to resemble a graveyard.

Q: Has the overall quality of photoshop work declined?

A: Certainly not. I see many competitors improving their skills on a daily basis, whilst others choose not to. I love that people have the right to post whatever they want in terms of quality. The beauty of Fark is that anyone can compete, regardless of their skill level. If you don't like someone's work, feel free to use the celebrated ignore feature. Or you can do what I do, and favorite the people you most dislike, so you can scroll right to their comments in a thread and get to hating. That way you don't have to waste time admiring the awesome creations of our veteran artists. This choice will no doubt serve your ego well.

Q: Has the voter turnout declined?

A: Yes, but I think that fact has a little bit more to do with Fark's current policy of draconian moderation than the overall quality of the photoshop work. After all, you can't vote if you've been banned for threadjacking or posting pictures of bikini girls. The battle to keep our site safe for work may result in a Pyrrhic victory, as disenfranchised Farkers get increasingly fed up with the mods. No small problem, but blaming the ensuing exodus on the photoshop community is completely insulting and wrong-headed.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks so much for stopping by. As always, I'm glad you took the time to let me tell you what to think. My opinions are a shining beacon of light to the small-minded and ignorant. Feel free to bask in the warming glow of my wisdom.

Stay tuned for more God complexes from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Assertion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. It's time for another thrilling edition of the Friday Q&A, your weekly source for opinionated ranting and pointless grudges. There are many voices in the photoshop community, but mine is obviously the most important, because it is the loudest. On a decibel scale, it would rate somewhere between an AC/DC concert and a jet engine. Hopefully the thundering sound of my righteous indignation won't drown out your pathetic queries.

Q: Why do you defend the work of novice photoshoppers?

A: Because I don't just enjoy their work, I also appreciate the infusion of new blood into our community. While I've come to love the veteran image manglers, I always keep an eye out for future stars. Fark is a harsh realm, fraught with peril for anyone who doesn't firmly grasp the nebulous posting guidelines. Many newcomers wash out, burn out, or get rubbed out by the mods. Only a special few remain. And while their skills may be dwarfed by yours and even mine, the simple fact that they aren't posting GISes or trolling with off topic rants are reasons enough for us to welcome them with open arms.

Q: Isn't it important to improve your skills?

A: Absolutely. A common misconception is that I have a problem with anyone who wants to improve the standards of Fark Photoshop contests. I happen to think such an idealistic mindset is crucial to maintaining our community. That being said, improvement begins at home. By all means, work on your own skills. Strive to better your image concepts. Just don't lose sight of the fact that we're all doing this to have a good time. Surprising as it may seem, upstart hacks get just as much of a rush from creating cliché atrocities as the Big Guns get from bringing a carefully crafted masterpiece into the world. Seniority and skill do not entitle you to spoil the fun of others.

Q: Is it more important to show improvement or enjoyment?

A: Ideally, both would be of equal importance. However, you have to remember that Fark is a friendly competition. There are no fabulous prizes, and only minimal bragging rights. That means enjoyment is always going to win out. If you don't enjoy improving your skills, you're perfectly free not to. This creative freedom is just one of countless examples as to why Fark is infinitely better than the more "serious" PS sites.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. I'm glad you took the time to stop by. Sorry if I got so caught up in my sanctimonious preaching that I forgot to insult TheSniperZERO. I have, however, once again carefully aligned myself against his infantile opinions. A simple task, since I'm not so hung up on the Golden Age that I can't see the gold in this age.

Stay tuned for more dramatic juxtapositions from the Doctor!