Friday Q&A

Questionable Discretion

Greeting, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. As a doctor, I get asked a lot of questions. Whether it's the standard "does this look infected?" or the more annoying "are you drunk?" it seems like I'm always answering some dumbfuck's asinine query. Luckily, it's all been good preparation for life as a blogger.

Q: Have you learned anything new about Manipster?

A: I sure have. For anyone just tuning in, we've been tracking the progress of a new Fark PS archive site, called Manipster. It's similar to the Scrutinizer, except for being utterly worthless. In addition to the fact that it only tracks the last five contests (the blink of an eye by Fark standards) it has a number of other problems as well. Recently, I noticed that Manipster thinks the first poster of any given thread is the subby. This somewhat innocuous misconception all but proves the site's administrator is not a regular of the Fark PS community. After all, everyone knows that the first post (or "O") is often rehosted by whomever gets to it first. If the submitter was a Liter, he won't see the contest until its live date.

I don't want to be down on Manipster. I want it to be a good site, and offer useful services. Unfortunately, I don't see any usefulness at all. I doubt it even draws much bandwidth. I can't imagine it gets a lot of hits. For something that was copyrighted in 2006, Manipster has to go a long way to justify its relevance.

Q: Why is the queue so short?

A: It's difficult to say why, but we're apparently in the midst of a photoshop drought. I hope they move to rectify this situation soon, because two approved PS contests a day and a queue that only lists up until the middle of next week is just not cool. Remember when they were showing two weeks worth of contests at once? We bitched about that, too, but at least we had some stuff to work on.

I kept hoping that this week's discussions in the PSAEF about link submissions would prompt some actual greenlights. Unfortunately, that was not the case. I hope this issue has been resolved by the time you read this, but presently there are only about thirteen contests in the queue.

Q: What was the "shocking conspiracy" you spoke of last week?

A: That's an ongoing investigation, and I'm afraid that I can't comment on it at this time. Right now, I'm still in the evidence-gathering phase of the operation. You can be certain that in good time, I will present the results. But not before I hold it over your heads a little while longer. Otherwise, you might forget what an asshole I am.

That's all for this week, gentle reader. I want to take some time at the end of the post to taunt TheSniperZERO and Boner for being such ignorant shit heads. I'm glad they still feel the need to skulk around my blog on a regular basis. It gives me plenty of opportunities to say "fuck you."

Stay tuned for more expletives from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Excretion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another special edition of the Friday Q&A. It appears that my efforts in taunting Boner have produced the opposite of my intended result. Instead of responding with a torrent of rhyming obscenities, my old foe has simply dried up and blown away. Perhaps another round of insults will throttle him back into existence.

Q: Did Boner delete Fark the Vote?

A: Apparently so. It looks like the blogger known as Edward Boner has written his last hate poem. It's a shame that he's too much of a bitch to troll here any more, but I'm glad that he still feels the need to lurk around for some reason. That way he can hear me scoffing at his pathetic attempts to act as a rival.

Q: Are the collected works of Edward Boner lost forever?

A: Fear not, gentle reader! Boner is far too stupid to do a thorough job of scrubbing his shit stains off the Internet. In his haste, he seems to have forgotten about the FtV mirror site. I guess he was too busy being a hopeless imbecile to notice. That's to be expected, of course. I'm surprised that Boner can blink and breathe at the same time. The man's only a couple of evolutionary notches above an Amoeba in terms of intelligence. On the other hand, I think like a Paramecium, and therefore can outsmart him at every turn.

Q: What was your favorite Boner moment?

A: That's a tough call, because there are so many. Like the time that he left dozens of anonymous comments, all written in the same brainless style, claiming in each one to be a different person. Or the time when he briefly switched sides, becoming a brown-nosing sycophant. Of course, his hollow praise fell on deaf ears. Honestly, Boner. Why do you bother waking up in the morning? I'm sure I speak for everyone who has ever received one of your "emails" when I say to DIAF. Stop mucking around my Internet, you fucking oxygen thief.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Join me again next week, when I will be focusing on subjects that do not concern complete idiots. You can also look for the return of a few classic features, and even some new ones to spice things up. I'm at work on securing an interview with the proprietor of the Manipster.com website, as well as uncovering a evidence of a shocking conspiracy. You won't want to miss it.

Stay tuned for more investigative reporting from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Retardation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to an all-Boner edition of the Friday Q&A. This week's post is dedicated to the now-retired creator of Fark the Vote. My erstwhile nemesis, Edward Boner exploded onto the blogging scene several months ago. Hopefully, what follows will clear up some of the questions left unanswered by his sudden disappearance.

Q: Boner's really gone?

A: Apparently so. If his last post is to be believed, it's back to lurking for our good friend Boner. No more Fark the Vote, with its insipid poetry and ad hominem attacks on our fellow PSAEFers. We may have one less blog to read, but some solace can be taken in the knowledge that Boner will continue to lurk here for the rest of his miserable life. I can't wait until he finally breaks down and leaves some asinine comment (anonymously of course). Bring it on, bitch.

Q: What makes Boner the perfect enemy?

A: The answer is quite simple: lack of intelligence. Boner has a fundamental deficit of intellect that makes winning arguments against him easier than boxing a two year-old. His complete ignorance of the English language, misinterpretation of forum discussions, and general failure to comprehend how the Internet works have led me to a couple of rather stark conclusions. First of all, Boner is far too stupid to be called retarded. Statements like that are demeaning to the mentally handicapped. Secondly, Boner will never be able to stop reading this blog. I make a game of seeing how long he can go without visiting the Clinic. The answer, like his dick, is not very long.

Q: So what's next for Boner?

A: You mean after he reads this post? There's really no telling. If his suicide note is to be believed, Boner intends to lurk around the Scrutinizer Forums. I doubt he's stupid enough to cause any real trouble, but just in case, I wanted to share this info with the mods over there. Just a friendly heads-up.

That's all for this week, gentle reader. I want to end this post by once again taunting Boner to post on this blog. I doubt it will happen, since he's obviously too much of a sniveling coward, but I might as well give it a shot. If he was worth a shit, he'd find a way to break in to the Clinic Forums. Of course we all know by now that he's far too stupid to accomplish that feat.

Stay tuned for more intelligence estimates from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Retribution

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. It was a pretty boring week without the inane blather of Edward Boner to pass the time. Looks like that shit-for-brains has finally found a way to take revenge on me. Reading his bungled attempts at sentence construction had become my favorite way to pass a lazy afternoon. Now that he's gone, I have a lot of extra time on my hands. At least I'll be able to answer plenty of your idiotic questions. And by "plenty," of course, I mean "three."

Q: What happened to the Picture Maker?

A: A couple days ago, the Picture Maker widget started fucking up. I thought it was a fluke at first, but after some brief observation, I have determined that the problems are the result of sabotage by hackers or perhaps a large unicorn. At any rate, I have removed that application until all the bugs can be sorted out. Keep reading for further updates.

Q: Is Boner really retired?

A: It sure looks like it. What a sad day for the Picture Clinic! Boner was always my biggest reader, sometimes checking the site for updates as many as forty times a day. But what's become of him now? He might be trying to learn the English language, or perhaps even Photoshop. Whatever it is, I truly hope he enjoys himself, and that his dick gets caught in a bear trap shortly before maggots eat his eyeballs.

Q: Do you have any more info on Manipster?

A: I sure do. Regular Clinic readers will recall I recently brought you the story of Manipster, a site which tries to display the results of Fark PS contests. Unfortunately, it has its share of problems and a fundamental lack of purpose. For example, this week I discovered that the site doesn't even give an accurate vote total. Any score shown on Manipster is bound to be off by at least 20%. At first I thought the site was just slow to update, but now I can see that even the oldest contest displayed is affected. So in other words, the site is utterly useless. I mean, why give the option of sorting by votes if the tally isn't right?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Keep watching this blog for further updates. I'm working on contacting the author of Manipster, and will be bringing you an exclusive interview in an upcoming post. Until then, you can pass the time by leaving some comments for Boner at Fark the Vote. I'm sure he'd love to hear from you, even if he's too much of a pathetic bitch to respond.

Stay tuned for more leisure suggestions from the Doctor!