Friday Q&A

Questionable Evisceration

Hello there, crickets and trolls! Has it been a week already? Looks like it's once again time for the Friday Q&A. In my blog's longest running regular feature, I like to answer questions relevant to the Fark Photoshop community. That being said, I don't have any information about why Boner's life is a miserable failure. I'd appreciate it if he would stop asking.

Q: Why doesn't TheSniperZERO troll here any more?

A: I'm not sure, and I find it a little disappointing. Responding to dozens upon dozens of inelegantly-phrased insults and contradictions used to be the highlight of my day. That all changed recently, when TSZ exiled himself to lurk mode. Such a pity, because I could go another two hundred rounds with him in a good old-fashioned flame war. Speak up any time you want to get served, TSZ. Endlessly arguing with me is certainly easier than just giving a specific apology to everyone you insulted. Such a task might take as long as ten minutes. Why waste time making us think you're a human being?

Q: Is this blog still a parody?

A: Congratulations on formulating a half-decent question. It's obvious that expending such a large amount of mental energy has depleted your meager constitution. I won't fault you for taking a nap after what has to be your greatest intellectual feat since correctly spelling your name on the SATs.

To answer your question, this blog is indeed still a parody. Our Critic may be gone, but there will always be a place for the mockery of mean-spirited elitism. In a world filled with the constant din of ranting idiots, my own idiotic rantings have served as a shining beacon of hope to anyone whom I do not specifically refer to as having some sort of mental deficiency.

Q: Can you help me become a better 'shopper?

A: Absolutely not. Unlike my predecessor the Critic, I won't even pretend that I want people's work to improve. Always remember Unwritten Photoshop Rule #36: You are only as good or funny as your opponent is not. If I were to impart all of my PS wisdom to the unwashed masses, who knows how good they might get? Talent and creativity would spread like a virus, and before long my absurdly brilliant creations would be lost in a sea of equality. The very thought makes me shudder.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. I hope everyone has a great weekend, unless you disagree with me slightly, in which case I hope rats feast upon your intestines. But only after the maggots devour your eyeballs, of course.

Stay tuned for more vivid imagery from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Distraction

Greetings, crickets and trolls, and welcome to the latest edition of the Friday Q&A. Since the Clinic's inception, I've tried to make this blog a shining beacon of hope an positivity. Unless you disagree with me slightly, in which case I sincerely hope you die. Go swallow some razor blades and jump on a trampoline.

Q: What have you been up to this week, Doc?

A: I've been doing some spring cleaning here at the Clinic. As a good doctor, I always follow standard procedure and sterilize my medical instruments every six weeks or so, weather permitting. It helps keep the outbreaks of gangrene and flipper babies to a minimum. Though to be honest, I don't see what the big deal is about the flipper babies. You'd think the parents would be glad to have their child basically guaranteed a job at Sea World. Some people are never happy, I guess.

Q: Can you clarify your mission statement?

A: Certainly! I'd be delighted to explain the Clinic's purpose, since you seem to possess the attention span of a crack baby afflicted with ADD. The purpose of this blog is to provide a resource for Fark Photoshoppers, while continuing to annoy TheSniperZERO. From where I sit, it looks like I've done a pretty good job of accomplishing both tasks.

Q: Why does TheSniperZERO still read this blog?

A: Honestly, I'm not quite sure. It's really intended as more of a resource for the Fark community, so I don't know why he's still hanging around like a stale fart. No one cares about his attempt to improve the overall quality of work on our site by alienating a large portion of the photoshoppers. Though I personally still think he's a complete waste of life, and therefore don't mind devoting much of my blog's focus to irritating him.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As always, thanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend, and keep watching my blog for further updates. This is usually where I taunt TSZ and Boner for being insufferable dick-brains, but this time, I want to try something more positive. So instead, I'm going to congratulate TSZ and Boner for being insufferable dick-brains. Way to go, guys. I always knew you could do it.

Stay tuned for more sincere congratulations from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Determination

Greetings, crickets and trolls! Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A, now officially the longest running regular feature of any Fark-related blog. Each week, I take time to answer the important questions that you'd most likely ask, if you were able go long enough without picking your nose to type a complete sentence. Thanks to my heroic actions, you don't have to.

Q: How does it feel to win the blog war?

A: It feels damn good to be the last blogger standing. Many (or more accurately two) people have stood against me, and now they lie at my feet in a crumpled mass. I don't mind writing this blog for the rest of my life, while I wait for them to open their bitch mouths again.

Q: Why doesn't TheSniperZERO troll the Clinic Chat any more?

A: This is a stupid question, but I want to commend you on mastering the usage of such complicated words as "any" and "the." Congratulations! You are now one step higher on the evolutionary scale than retired blogger Edward Boner. It'll take some time, but I'm confident that you will adjust to walking upright. Look for an upcoming feature on ridding yourself of those irritating body lice.

In answer to your question, TSZ doesn't bother to log in over at the Chat any more because he never successfully tricked me with his series of ridiculous ruses. Keep trying, TSZ! Everyone knows you're still lurking here, you pathetic troll.

Q: Why did TSZ stop posting his blog again?

A: I have no idea. TheSniperZERO got our hopes up a while back, when he wrote a post about the now-defunct Fark Honor Roll. I guess nothing newsworthy has happened since then, or perhaps he doesn't feel the need to insult any of his fellow 'shoppers. At any rate, I'm still waiting for his return. Maybe I'll go sign the petition again.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Remember to keep watching the Clinic for further updates. I've got some exciting new features in the works that you won't want to miss. Surprisingly enough, none of them involve TSZ or his pathetic attempts to troll my blog. I've decided to take a more positive direction, in the spirit of a "kinder gentler Fark."

Stay tuned for more sarcasm from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Investigation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. It's Friday again, and that means it's time for another edition of the Friday Q&A. I hope everyone had as good a week as I did. I spent most of my time, as I always do, lurking in the bushes outside of Wayne Newton's house. That's a topic for another discussion, however. Let's get to your questions, which I have once again taken the liberty of asking for you.

Q: What's up, Doc?

A: I've been keeping a low profile this week, and doing a bit of investigating. As you may remember, I recently stumbled onto a conspiracy that shocked even me. Rest assured, the discovery was accidental. It's not like I make a habit of raking the muck. Frankly, there's just too much of it. However, withholding evidence from the Fark community would be a crime in itself. You can see the bind I'm in.

Q: What's Boner been up to?

A: This week, curiosity finally got the better of retired blogger Edward Boner, who must have gotten his mom to help him breach the security parameter over at my forum. For about fifteen minutes, Boner had access to all the classified discussions he normally isn't allowed to view. This utterly predictable development was the highlight of my week. Did he think I wouldn't notice? Look for an update to the Boner thread in the near future.

Q: Have you seen TheSniperZERO lately?

A: Of course I have, stupid. Good old TSZ, your friend and mine, is never far from the Picture Clinic. He can cut back on how much he visits, but he'll never be able to quit me. I wonder why that is. After all, you don't see me railing against him or his ridiculous blog any more. You don't see me pointing out that I've beaten him in every argument we've ever had. He doesn't even bother to leave a bunch of asinine "anonymous" comments wherein he claims not to be himself. Jeez, TSZ. It's almost like you don't love me any more.

That's all for this week, gentle reader. Keep watching this blog for further updates and new features. As for Boner, well, I know that he knows what I know, and he also knows who knows what I know. Back away from the Internet slowly, Boner. You have, once again, been pwned.

Stay tuned for more pwnings from the Doctor!