Friday Q&A

Questionable Infuriation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to the Friday Q&A. That was a nice vacation, wasn't it? I hope everyone had a good time, unless you disagree with me slightly about Photoshop, in which case I hope you choked on tainted meat while being anally violated by a rabid baboon. But enough about Boner's mom. Let's get to the questions.

Q: Why are you still antagonizing TheSniperZERO?

A: Why not? He's never given me a reason to stop. He has never shown an ounce of integrity, nor any remorse for his actions. He's had innumerable opportunities to clear his name, but has been more concerned with perpetuating a series of ridiculous ruses. As though tricking me in a chat room would gain him any insight into what motivates my agenda.

Q: Do you really expect TSZ to apologize for what he did?

A: Of course not. Sometimes I think that people forget this is a parody blog, and many of my statements are made purely for comedic effect. I wouldn't expect TheSniperZERO to apologize any more than I would expect him to shower or clean his genitals. You have to remember who we're talking about here. He would much rather preserve his legacy of being a dick. Bravo, TSZ. It's a good look for you.

Q: How's Boner doing?

A: Boner's still skulking around. I can only hope that he has been spending the last few months learning to read, in breathless anticipation of our next encounter. A working knowledge of the written word is important if you want to successfully troll someone. That's the thing about Boner. The English language is not one of his strong suits. Perhaps he spent too much time mastering turd burglary.

That's all for this edition, gentle reader. Thanks for joining me again. I know you have a choice in hate blogs (at least you did a few months ago). Keep watching the Clinic for new updates and surprises. I will continue to bring you fair and balanced reports on how TSZ is a stupid douche.

Stay tuned for more journalistic bias from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Hibernation

Hello there, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special holiday weekend edition of the Friday Q&A. Like most Americans, I'm taking some time off to remember the sacrifices of our brave soldiers, and perhaps drunkenly injure myself whilst attempting to operate the barbecue grill. At any rate, my plans don't leave lot of time for questions, so we'll have to keep things brief.

Q: You won't be answering any questions?

A: Absolutely not. My weekend plans simply don't allow enough time to translate your idiotic musings into proper English sentences. When faced with the decision to reduce quality or take the week off, I chose the latter. For those of you with a public school education, "latter" means "the second thing."

Q: Wouldn't it be easier not to post at all?

A: I suppose so, if you want to get technical. Of course, I was never taught to take the easy way out. That would be like TSZ giving a heartfelt apology to everyone he insulted. It just wouldn't be natural.

Q: Haven't you already used this gimmick?

A: Let me applaud your memory. I'm astonished that someone with such a small amount of functioning brain cells can recall what they had for breakfast, let alone the details of a blog posting from over five months ago. We'll be back on schedule next week. And don't worry, I won't be asking what you had for breakfast.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As always, thanks for stopping by. I hope you have a great Memorial Day weekend. For my international visitors who don't celebrate the holiday, I ask that you please stop disrespecting America. Go blow your fingers off with some fireworks. We probably saved your ass in World War Two.

Stay tuned for more patriotic rantings from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Infection

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to yet another edition of the Friday Q&A. This week's post is dedicated to discussing some of Fark's newest guidelines. If you're not aware, we were given an answer to our longstanding debate over the SFW status of bikini pics. Unfortunately, it wasn't the one many of us were looking for. It was, however, the one I was expecting.

Q: Why did Drew ban boobies?

A: First of all, he didn't ban them. He made an ambiguous declaration that we were reaching some sort of "critical mass" with regards to bikini pics posted in boob-related threads. These so-called "boob threads" used be considered SFW, as they contain no actual nudity. However, as I'm sure most PSers are aware, pictures of scantily clad women have increasingly drawn the ire of Fark's moderators. This paved the way for Drew's ultimatum, in which he first noted that the message didn't apply to "99.99%" of us, then declared his intentions to "permanently remove instigators from our community." Surprisingly enough, not even one person took the opportunity to bitch and moan about Fark's decline.

Just kidding, of course. Apparently everyone took it upon themselves to complain. Even people who had only been around the site a short time were waxing nostalgic about the "good old days" that often occurred years before their first actual Farking experience.

Q: So everyone ganged up on Drew?

A: Of course not. This is Fark, after all. We have a good mix of ass kissers and whiney cunts, so Drew's apologists were in full effect. There are basically two camps, the asinine "bewbz r awesome!!1!" sect and the whiny "I'm wasting time at work, don't get me fired!" crowd. Personally, I don't care for either. The bewbz people are annoying, since their main argument hinges on the "right" to post on a website they don't own. Meanwhile, the workers piss me off, because in most cases spending all day browsing the Internet is already a violation of their employer's web policy. Boobies or not, those people are fucked if the IT department ever happens to notice how they spend their time at work. The bewbz folk never fail to mention this fact, since it's pretty much their only argument.

Q: How does this new policy effect the Fark PS community?

A: It doesn't, as long as you don't post 100 bikini pics in your photoshops. Or perhaps just one or two people can use boobs per thread. In that case, we can set up a boob lottery to determine the pecking order. Maybe Drew wasn't talking to us at all. Maybe he was specifically referring to boob threads and not PS contests. The fact of the matter is, he just wasn't that clear. Whenever there's a concentrated effort made to permanently remove anyone from our community, it would be nice to know exactly where we stand.

If it was just concerning these specific threads, that begs the question of why they don't just automatically disable pic posting whenever a link has to do with female anatomy. I've seen them do it to a Caturday thread, so why not a boob thread? Why even greenlight boob links at all? Such actions would have negated the need for an ultimatum in the first place.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I've made the point before that Fark is Drew's site, and he will run it however he sees fit. I also made the case in last week's Q&A that if the site were sold, not much would change. If anything, this week's events did a lot to prove my point. Fark has been a corporate whore for quite some time. If you haven't noticed by now, you may actually be dumber than retired blogger Edward Boner. Please make sure you haven't sustained a major head injury.

Stay tuned for more medical advice from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Submission

Greetings, crickets and trolls! Welcome to another fabulous edition of the Friday Q&A. This weekly feature often includes complete sentences and a minimum of misspelled words. Unlike certain other bloggers, I care enough to spell check my rants before posting. Does that mean that I'm a better person? Of course it does. Join me once again, as I take some time to answer the questions no one is asking.

Q: Does negativity have a place on Fark?

A: Absolutely not. One point where the Critic and I always disagreed was Fark's policy on negative comments about PS entries. I fully support free speech, but I'm glad the Bill of Rights doesn't apply to Fark. While the occasionally draconian tactics of our beloved moderators have led to the punishment of a few well-meaning users, I'm always happy to see a troll get banned. You can say what you want about the way our mods handle things, but I rarely see the same offender twice. That means they either learn their lesson or move on.

Q: What about our rights?

A: The civil rights argument falls apart when you realize that freedom of speech is not actually being abridged. Fark is a business, not a government. A business can refuse service to anyone. Try going in to your local grocery store, insulting the manager, clerks and other customers, then insisting on your "right" to shop there. The first amendment does not apply if you're creating a disturbance.

There are plenty of places on the Internet to troll. Nobody is saying you can't be a dick, just don't be one on Fark. This is the new Fark, the kinder and gentler news aggregate. Negativity has no place here. Except in the political discussions. And the classifieds. And occasionally the Caturday threads.

Q: Does a cleaner Fark mean that it's being prepped for sale?

A: The ridiculous rumor of a Fark sale has been floating around for months now. While I'm not sure who started it, I can tell you that it will never happen. I know how much Drew wants for the site, and trust me, no company will ever pay it. Why would they, when it's easier to just steal the idea and make a Fark clone?

What would be so bad about a Fark buyout, anyway? If the site was sold to Newscorp or Viacom, everyone assumes that Photoshop contests would be the first thing on the chopping block. Why would the hypothetical new owners seek to eliminate a staff of talent that creates free content for the site, and pays a monthly premium for the right to do so? I've heard the argument that our contests would be problematic from a legal standpoint, but I'm pretty sure that most large media conglomerates keep lawyers on staff. Besides, user-created content isn't made for profit, and thus is considered fair use. There are no fabulous prizes, after all.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks so much for stopping by. Keep watching for new features and commentary, all with the unbiased perspective you've come to demand from your hate blog of record.

Stay tuned for more unflinching integrity from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Recrimination

Hello there, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to the Friday Q&A, the only regular feature to constantly remind its readers of the fact that it occasionally occurs on the same day. I want to start by welcoming all my new visitors. Stick around! You just might learn something.

Q: Do you have any more information about the conspiracy?

A: I sure do, and I'll be damned if I'm going to share it right now. This is the Picture Clinic, not some infantile conspiracy corner run by the tinfoil hat community. I am not a theorist. I deal only in facts, and refuse to speculate on what motivates the various parties involved. I also like to be vague and hold things over your head, because I'm a jackass.

Q: Do you still miss the Honor Roll?

A: I actually never missed the Honor Roll. The curt way StovepipeBender chose to end things never sat right with me. Why did he withhold the source code? What possible use could it be to him? Surely he didn't think any of us would try to profit from his hard work. This is an archive site used by, at best, a few dozen people. Luckily, Mr Squirrel has recreated the original HR layout quite faithfully at the Scrutinizer. So I guess we won't be needing that code after all.

Q: Why don't you want to make Fark better?

A: Who says it needs improvement? For all the arguments I've heard that Fark has declined over the years, it still seems to get the job done. When I view the contests, the majority of the stuff I see is quite good. I like that Fark gives us the freedom to take things as seriously, or not seriously, as we want. Regardless of what path you choose, always remember that other people's work has just as much of a right to exist as yours.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Have a great weekend, and stay tuned for the unveiling of a brand new feature. I want to take some time at the end to taunt Edward Boner, who recently tried again to access the Clinic Forums. Nice try, Boner. Why don't you stick to what you're good at? The world needs more jizz-moppers.

Stay tuned for more employment suggestions from the Doctor!