Friday Q&A

Questionable Opinions

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another thrilling edition of the Friday Q&A. As you already know, this is the time of the week when I try my best to answer some of your idiotic questions. That's a pretty tall order, as it takes me a substantial amount of time just to correct the misspelled words. Too bad this column isn't about your wanton refusal or inability to operate the spell check function of a computer. If that were the case, I'd have enough fodder for a thousand posts.

Q: Is cliché abuse still as big a problem as it was last year?

A: First of all, I don't think that cliché abuse has ever been a problem. Cliché use was a bit more prevalent a few months ago, but the claims of infestation were hyperbole if not outright falsehood. For whatever reason, many of the clichés that were in active rotation back then have since died off. Mustard Man and the Icy Hot Stuntaz are becoming as rare as the endangered spotted owl and white rhino. And the much maligned Cliché City has begun to resemble a graveyard.

Q: Has the overall quality of photoshop work declined?

A: Certainly not. I see many competitors improving their skills on a daily basis, whilst others choose not to. I love that people have the right to post whatever they want in terms of quality. The beauty of Fark is that anyone can compete, regardless of their skill level. If you don't like someone's work, feel free to use the celebrated ignore feature. Or you can do what I do, and favorite the people you most dislike, so you can scroll right to their comments in a thread and get to hating. That way you don't have to waste time admiring the awesome creations of our veteran artists. This choice will no doubt serve your ego well.

Q: Has the voter turnout declined?

A: Yes, but I think that fact has a little bit more to do with Fark's current policy of draconian moderation than the overall quality of the photoshop work. After all, you can't vote if you've been banned for threadjacking or posting pictures of bikini girls. The battle to keep our site safe for work may result in a Pyrrhic victory, as disenfranchised Farkers get increasingly fed up with the mods. No small problem, but blaming the ensuing exodus on the photoshop community is completely insulting and wrong-headed.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks so much for stopping by. As always, I'm glad you took the time to let me tell you what to think. My opinions are a shining beacon of light to the small-minded and ignorant. Feel free to bask in the warming glow of my wisdom.

Stay tuned for more God complexes from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Assertion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. It's time for another thrilling edition of the Friday Q&A, your weekly source for opinionated ranting and pointless grudges. There are many voices in the photoshop community, but mine is obviously the most important, because it is the loudest. On a decibel scale, it would rate somewhere between an AC/DC concert and a jet engine. Hopefully the thundering sound of my righteous indignation won't drown out your pathetic queries.

Q: Why do you defend the work of novice photoshoppers?

A: Because I don't just enjoy their work, I also appreciate the infusion of new blood into our community. While I've come to love the veteran image manglers, I always keep an eye out for future stars. Fark is a harsh realm, fraught with peril for anyone who doesn't firmly grasp the nebulous posting guidelines. Many newcomers wash out, burn out, or get rubbed out by the mods. Only a special few remain. And while their skills may be dwarfed by yours and even mine, the simple fact that they aren't posting GISes or trolling with off topic rants are reasons enough for us to welcome them with open arms.

Q: Isn't it important to improve your skills?

A: Absolutely. A common misconception is that I have a problem with anyone who wants to improve the standards of Fark Photoshop contests. I happen to think such an idealistic mindset is crucial to maintaining our community. That being said, improvement begins at home. By all means, work on your own skills. Strive to better your image concepts. Just don't lose sight of the fact that we're all doing this to have a good time. Surprising as it may seem, upstart hacks get just as much of a rush from creating cliché atrocities as the Big Guns get from bringing a carefully crafted masterpiece into the world. Seniority and skill do not entitle you to spoil the fun of others.

Q: Is it more important to show improvement or enjoyment?

A: Ideally, both would be of equal importance. However, you have to remember that Fark is a friendly competition. There are no fabulous prizes, and only minimal bragging rights. That means enjoyment is always going to win out. If you don't enjoy improving your skills, you're perfectly free not to. This creative freedom is just one of countless examples as to why Fark is infinitely better than the more "serious" PS sites.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. I'm glad you took the time to stop by. Sorry if I got so caught up in my sanctimonious preaching that I forgot to insult TheSniperZERO. I have, however, once again carefully aligned myself against his infantile opinions. A simple task, since I'm not so hung up on the Golden Age that I can't see the gold in this age.

Stay tuned for more dramatic juxtapositions from the Doctor!

Questionable Affliction

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. How nice of you to take time away from fellating dead animals long enough to join me. I'll be brief, since I know that hobby encompasses most of your day.

Q: Did we have another instashop contest this week?

A: We sure did, but apparently no one noticed. Thread 3720615 was chosen for use as an instashop, despite having an 'O' the size of a postage stamp. The fact that the winning entry has eight votes proves most photoshoppers don't go anywhere near the main Fark page. And that many submitters have no idea what constitutes a good photoshop contest.

175x131: The perfect size for 'shoppin!

Q: Are you going to critique TheSniperZERO's recent contest entries?

A: Finally, a relevant question. As many of you are no doubt aware, TheSniperZERO has returned to us (again), posting entries in three recent contests. Fortunately for TSZ, there's no need for him to check TSZC every fifteen minutes, in breathless anticipation of my review. I'd like to hereby announce my retirement from photoshop criticism. If TSZ wants any pro tips, he should seek out the wonderfully insightful Critique area over at the Squirrel Forums. Interesting how our erstwhile PS critic has little or no involvement with a section devoted to criticizing photoshops.

Q: Does that mean your feud with TSZ is at an end?

A: Much like your sex life, the feud never had a beginning. TheSniperZERO is not my enemy. True, I disagree with just about everything he says, and 90% of the things he stands for. Sure, I've perpetuated a prolonged blog war against him, and spend most of my weekends sifting through his garbage. That doesn't mean I hate the guy. I'm not out to torment him, either. I've never asked more from TSZ than a simple apology, and for him to never have been born. Am I asking too much?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As always, thanks for stopping by. In the coming weeks, look for the return of some classic Clinic features, as well as all new content you won't find anywhere else. Spoiler alert: much of it will involve lampooning TSZ.

Stay tuned for more prolonged mockery from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A: Special American Edition

Questionable Celebration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special Independence Day edition of the Friday Q&A. Are you proud to be an American? I know I am! Today, I'm temporarily discarding my usual vitriolic bile in favor of some more conventional jingoistic bile. After all, what's more patriotic than a parody blog about photoshop criticism?

Q: Is the United States of America the greatest nation on Earth?

A: You bet your ass it is. There are many ways to tell that America is the greatest country in the world, the most obvious of which being that we constantly remind you of that fact. If you're wondering how so many people can claim the superiority of a nation without spending the slightest bit of time abroad, there's a damn good chance you're a flag-burning Communist. Don't worry, Homeland Security has been notified.

Q: What's the best way to celebrate the Fourth?

A: There are many ways to prove your loyalty to Uncle Sam this holiday season. Everything from hosting a barbecue to participating in Fark's most recent instashop contest. Personally, I prefer to celebrate in the style of our founding fathers, by shooting roman candles at homeless people.

Q: How important is patriotism?

A: Patriotism is very important. At this point in the post, I'd like to briefly address my international readers. Please stop scratching at the dirt in front of your ramshackle huts for a moment. It doesn't matter if you celebrate Cinco de Mayo or Bastille Day. Either way, you're a dirty foreigner. Why not honor the founding of a real nation, like America? Get with the winning team!

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. Hopefully you won't over-indulge on cheap beer and meat made from animal by-products. If you do, there's no need to worry. That just means it's time to engage in the most American activity of all: puking in the street.

Stay tuned for more patriotic regurgitation from the Doctor!