Questionable Celebration
Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special Independence Day edition of the Friday Q&A. Are you proud to be an American? I know I am! Today, I'm temporarily discarding my usual vitriolic bile in favor of some more conventional jingoistic bile. After all, what's more patriotic than a parody blog about photoshop criticism?
Q: Is the United States of America the greatest nation on Earth?
A: You bet your ass it is. There are many ways to tell that America is the greatest country in the world, the most obvious of which being that we constantly remind you of that fact. If you're wondering how so many people can claim the superiority of a nation without spending the slightest bit of time abroad, there's a damn good chance you're a flag-burning Communist. Don't worry, Homeland Security has been notified.
A: There are many ways to prove your loyalty to Uncle Sam this holiday season. Everything from hosting a barbecue to participating in Fark's most recent instashop contest. Personally, I prefer to celebrate in the style of our founding fathers, by shooting roman candles at homeless people.
Q: How important is patriotism?
A: Patriotism is very important. At this point in the post, I'd like to briefly address my international readers. Please stop scratching at the dirt in front of your ramshackle huts for a moment. It doesn't matter if you celebrate Cinco de Mayo or Bastille Day. Either way, you're a dirty foreigner. Why not honor the founding of a real nation, like America? Get with the winning team!
That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. Hopefully you won't over-indulge on cheap beer and meat made from animal by-products. If you do, there's no need to worry. That just means it's time to engage in the most American activity of all: puking in the street.
Stay tuned for more patriotic regurgitation from the Doctor!
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