Friday Q&A

Questionable Definition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to the last Q&A of our anniversary month. I know I promised more events as part of our celebration, but if you've been reading the secret coded messages I include in each post, you'd know that the festivities have only been postponed briefly. Keep checking back for further details. Right now I've got some questions to answer.

Q: Should Fark's management take a more active role in our community?

A: Not in my opinion. One complaint I've heard many times is that Drew and company seem to turn a blind eye to the photoshop community. Farkbacks go unanswered, and suggestions go ignored. The higher ups on the site seem to take a hands off approach when it comes to the photoshop contests. Personally, I'm glad they don't go mucking around with the formula. If the site's disastrous redesign and the subsequent creation of that hideous new tag are any indications, change at Fark is hardly a good thing. Except when they canceled FarkTV, of course.

Q: Should Drew have consulted a photoshopper to create the new Fail tag?

A: Certainly not. Fark photoshoppers already get enough disrespect on the Internet without being to blame for that monstrosity. There's actually some debate as to whether or not the new tag is intended to look like shit, but I personally don't care what the intention was. It's pretty clear that management dropped the ball here. They could have made an effort to match it to the existing tags, or even held a contest and let the users create it themselves. I believe the latter option would have been very popular. Instead we get handed down something that most photoshoppers resent, at least the ones who still visit the main page.

Q: Are the other Fark users enjoying the Fail tag?

A: They seem to be, but it doesn't have the popularity that some people expected. At one point today, the Fail tag was only used three times on the main page, while the Dumbass tag was used more than ten. Of course, the Stupid tag was only used once, so Fail has at least some popularity with the masses. However, even they have trouble denying that it looks terrible.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks so much for visiting the Clinic. As we bring our anniversary month to a close, I want to thank everyone who has helped make this blog possible, especially TheSniperZERO. His lame attempts at trolling made the first few months a blast. Hopefully, one of these days he'll decide to stop lurking. Then I can once again look forward to reading two or three dozen "anonymous" comments on each post about how I'm a waste of time.

Stay tuned for more wishful thinking from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Degradation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I delve deeply into the consciousness of the Fark photoshop community, then pat myself on the back for doing an awesome job. Sometimes I even skip the first step, so I can focus on great I am.

Q: What makes your blog so awesome?

A: First of all, you're doing the right thing by sucking up to me. It's a good look for you. That being said, it's important to note that I'm not the most awesome person on Fark. However, I am the loudest and most abrasively sanctimonious. This gives me an edge in the blogging world, where self-serving narcissism reigns supreme.

Q: Can others learn from your example?

A: I like to think so. In a perfect world, we would all have blogs. Think of what a glorious utopia that would be! Every fool would blither endlessly into the void, scrawling down their worthless opinions as if they mattered to anyone. Actually, that's pretty close to what we have now. This is truly a marvelous time to be alive.

Q: Was the critic right about Fark's decline?

A: Of course not. The Critic (aka: TheSniperZERO) was never right about anything. Not only were his assessments of my fellow photoshoppers inaccurate, but his rants about the so-called "Golden Age" coming to an end were utterly laughable. In my opinion, the only things that change on Fark are which clichés people bitch about being "abused." There will always be good work and lousy work, and neither has more right to exist in our community than the other.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. As we continue to celebrate the Clinic's one year anniversary, keep checking this blog for the well-written commentary you demand. One of these days, it just might be here.

Stay tuned for more self satire from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Insertion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special edition of the Friday Q&A. Today is our one year anniversary! I sure hope you got me a nice present. If I'm not mistaken, the first year's gift is traditionally paper. While I'm hoping for a crisp hundred dollar bill, I would also accept a few wads of toilet tissue. Assuming at least one ply is unused.

Q: Why do you keep this blog going?

A: Why not? Blogging is the thing to do these days. If you have a warped opinion and a semi-functional keyboard, you can complain to the whole world. I have one advantage over most bloggers in that I am always 200% right. I attain this feat by being an argumentative jackass. You should try it some time! Unless you're TheSniperZERO, in which case you should probably cut back a bit.

Q: Why do you love being a blogger?

A: It's a natural fit for me. Blogging combines two of my favorite things: self congratulatory pap, and the time honored tradition of complaining. Before the Picture Clinic, you had to stand in my general vicinity, or accidentally call me on the telephone to hear my opinions. Modern technology has allowed me to spread my message of peace, unity, and undying hatred to people around the world.

Q: Do you like working alone?

A: Absolutely. I enjoy the wonderful togetherness and community spirit of Fark, but there are some things you just have to do by yourself. While there were a few mutual Critic antagonists, no one conspired against him. If anything, most of us disagree on who was most effective at fucking up TFPSTC. I'm not after bragging rights, so I'll let whomever wants to take credit for that rag's downfall do so without comment.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Once again, thanks for making this blog possible. Keep checking the Clinic for more special events during our anniversary month. While I have a life outside of Fark, you can always look to this site for an unbiased opinion on how TheSniperZERO is a complete ass.

Stay tuned for more factual veracity from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Supposition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another fine edition of the Friday Q&A. How's your summer going? I've spent mine trying to decide if I have a God complex or just a messiah complex. In the end, I've decided I'm actually a little better than the FSM. After all, he never even had a blog. And unlike the invisible sky wizard, I actually answer your questions.

Q: How do we make Fark better?

A: You must be new around here to express such an optimistic sentiment. Or incredibly stupid. Either way, I doubt you're much help with the crossword puzzle. Now that I've finished deriding you, I can see why you might think your opinion matters. The close-knit aspect of our community makes the illusion of democracy tantalizingly plausible. However, much like American politics, this is sadly not the case. Fark is much more akin to a dictatorship, however benevolent, and the will of the people is of little consequence.

Q: Why is it so difficult to get photoshop links approved?

A: Unlike most of the insipidly brainless questions you ask, this one is at least mildly interesting. Every day, dozens of photoshop links are submitted to Fark. The fact that anyone can submit a picture or theme leads to a lot of junk. Every time an image is featured in the news, you can bet that some idiot will submit it as a PS contest. Likewise, incredibly narrow themes appear to be a staple. These throwaway links lead to a lot of noise, so don't be surprised if your great thread idea gets drowned out by all the crap.

Q: Why doesn't Drew appoint a Photoshop admin?

A: Ah, the eternal question. Whenever this discussion comes up, someone invariably suggests that Drew appoint a special administrator to approve PS links. It seems like a logical solution from the perspective of the photoshoppers, but it's utterly laughable in the eyes of the Fark brass. The reason is quite simple, and it isn't because "Drew doesn't care about PSers" or whatever shrill nonsense the anti-Fark crowd espouses. Adding another link in the chain would only serve to cause a logjam. It's already enough of a chore to review all the crap that gets submitted without extending the approval process.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. As we continue to celebrate the Picture Clinic's one year anniversary, I want to thank all the readers who've made this blog possible, especially TheSniperZERO. I may have a lot of fun at his expense, but that's only because he's an arrogant prick with no discernible sense of humor or social skills.

Stay tuned for more factual statements from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Captivation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to the first Q&A of August! As you may already know, this is a very important month for us here at the Picture Clinic. It's our one year anniversary! Just a little less than twelve months ago saw the Clinic's inception and subsequent attack from TheSniperZERO. In celebration of this monumental occasion, I've planned a month-long gala. Sit back and enjoy my salute to petty grudges and infinite bickering!

Q: Why is Fark suddenly so unreliable?

A: Fark has been undergoing a hardware upgrade, and that means reliability has really been in the toilet. I've experienced technical difficulties several times over the last couple of weeks, though none of the outages lasted very long or interfered with the contests. Still, like dead air on the radio, any down time for a site like Fark is going to be noticed and commented on, usually by ignorant pricks who think their opinions matter. That's where I come in.

Q: What makes this blog different from the others?

A: This isn't your average blog. It's more like an anti-blog. There are many subtleties that differentiate myself from run-of-the-mill bloggers who only bitch about their worthless lives. I take pride in the fact that none of my readers visit the Clinic to hear what I think about modern society. Instead, they care about what really matters: the minutiae and pageantry surrounding Fark's photoshop threads.

Another important difference is my use of proper English, casting aside the LOLspeak and jumbled sentence structure that typically infests Internet communication. I personally find the OMG LOL crap to be pretty tiresome. Having to constantly look up the meanings of non-intuitive abbreviations is powerfully tedious. The same tedium I can imagine TSZ experiences while trying to find definitions for the multi-syllabic words I use.

Q: Do you welcome TheSniperZERO's return to Fark?

A: Absolutely. Anyone who has followed the drama surrounding TFPSTC is well aware that the blog's elusive proprietor TheSniperZERO has left Fark many times in a huff, periodically returning to post some contest entries every few months or so. Whenever he does this, I cross my fingers that he'll stick around for good, but each time I've been sorely disappointed. He had so many ideas for how others could "improve" their work, can't he come up with a few images of his own?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. Be sure to check back throughout the month for exciting coverage of the Clinic's anniversary, as well as new features and informed commentary (inclusion of the latter pending its discovery somewhere on the Internet). Before signing off, I feel as though I should apologize to TSZ for only devoting 1/3 of this week's column to our ongoing feud. Sorry, but our never-ending grudge match is not exactly "first comment" material.

Stay tuned for more important things from the Doctor!