Friday Q&A

Questionable Preparation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A. As you all know, my favorite activity here at the Clinic is answering questions relevant to the Fark photoshop community. Above all, I believe in spreading awareness. For example, were you aware that TheSniperZERO is a prick? If not, you may have missed my previous hundred posts on the subject. Please read them before continuing, because petty grudges are the most important aspect of good photoshopping. Aside from lens flare, of course.

Q: How much time should be spent on a photoshop entry?

A: This is an area where my opinion differs from most of the PS elites, and all of the elitists. One sentiment that I hear time and again is that as Totalfark subscribers, we should spend a greater amount of time on our work than the Liters do. And yet, anyone who reads the PSAEF has observed countless people complain about how their Q&D work gets higher scores than something they spent hours on. This happens a lot, and it obviously isn't a random occurrence.

Q: Do the voters prefer crappy photoshops?

A: Yes and no. We're all aware of the bump in voting that comes from the usage of a cliche, geek reference or attractive female. However, even people who don't rely on these old standards have reported achieving more success with a simple concept than with something they spent hours on. Every time this discussion comes up, the prevailing logic is that Fark voters are unpredictable. Once again, I have to disagree. The reason that these simple concepts eclipse the more elaborate endeavors has nothing to do with a flaky voting public. In my opinion, you can spend too much time on an entry. If you expend enough effort trying to make the concept work, you sometimes forget to ask yourself if it's even worth doing in the first place.

Q: So I should only spend a few minutes on my images?

A: Of course not. There's a big difference between polishing a sharp concept and spending hours trying to bring an ill-conceived idea to fruition. Just because you've spent a day or two working on an image doesn't mean the voters will be compelled to vote for it. They don't see the process, only the results. While you may have invested hours of your life in an entry, to the voters it's just another image. If it doesn't have a good punchline or artistic "wow," your brilliant idea will just blend in with the rest of the crowd.

That's all for this time gentle reader. I certainly didn't mean offense to the more "artsy" element of our community with my endorsement of simple 'shopping. Some of the most talented PSers couldn't care less about their vote average. Others have the skills to own a contest with an elaborate design that's entirely joke free. The views expressed in this post obviously don't apply to these people. However, I've observed the voting trends enough to understand that voters like purity. It's very easy to over think a concept. The next time you find yourself struggling to make an idea work, try re-sourcing it to see if you can express the same design more simplistically.

Stay tuned for more pragmatic suggestions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Perfection

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A, your source for worthless opinions and drawn-out Internet grudges. I hope everyone had a great week, unless you disagree with me, in which case I hope you drowned in dog shit while choking on a horse's cock. Anyone not asphyxiated by canine fecal matter and equine genitalia is free to join me for some questions.

Q: Will people ever stop using cliches?

A: I sure hope not. After all, I know how much cliches piss people off. The creation and dissemination of Internet memes can actually be pretty interesting, if you're able to pay attention and stop foaming at the mouth for a few minutes. Complaining about how much you hate a particular cliche only breathes more life into it. Regardless of your zeal or bluster, no one is going to read your ill-conceived diatribe and think "I'd better stop using Mustard Man, this guy sounds serious."

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: cliches have a shelf life. If you don't like a particular meme, don't vote for it and don't use it in your work. That is the one and only way to make a cliche disappear. Trying to shame others into following your example is an exercise in futility, as it has been proven time and again that people on the Internet have no shame.

Q: Are you encouraging cliche abuse?

A: One thing that separates me from a lot of my photoshop peers is that I don't perceive cliche usage to be a problem. People have the right to post whatever they want in a Fark contest, assuming they can work within the rather amorphous guidelines of the posting rules. A cliche is just a choice of concept for a photoshop entry. Being critical of an other's concept leaves you open to criticism of your own, something I more than proved to our good friend TheSniperZERO.

Q: Doesn't cliche usage limit the creativity in a thread?

A: You're assuming that people choose between posting a well-crafted image or a Q&D cliche pic. Not everyone has the time or even the ability to put out a masterpiece. I applaud those who do, but the beauty of Fark is that anyone can compete and win. Cliches even the playing field, which can sometimes be frustrating. After all, no one likes to see their carefully-crafted original image go down in flames against a cut/pasted Paint Huffer. Next time this happens to you, try taking a second look at your own concept instead of damning the ubiquitous cliche user. If your work isn't good enough to beat Pat Tribbett, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. Blogging has taught me that while you can't change anyone's mind on the Internet, you can always insult people with whom you disagree. Who cares about intelligent discourse, when you can just tell someone to fuck off and DIAF?

Stay tuned for more incendiary rhetoric from the Doctor!

Birthday Q&A

Questionable Conception

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special edition of the Friday Q&A. It's TheSniperZERO's birthday! Just 37 years ago, a small-minded jackass was born. Let's all join together in celebration of this unique individual, who captivated us with backbiting insults.

Q: What is TheSniperZERO's problem?

A: I've been trying to figure that out since I first discovered him. TSZ is truly a man of mystery. Since our first skirmish, I've been wondering exactly what crawled up this guy's ass. He has a mile-long list of people whom he can't stand, which makes me wonder why he bothered with trying to "save" the Fark community in the first place. Regardless of his hamfisted intervention, I think we're doing just fine.


Q: Why didn't TSZ respond to last week's post?

A: I have no idea. I was all set for an epic flame war, filled with pseudo-psychoanalytical posturing and straw man arguments. What a letdown! How rude of him to disappoint my readers like that. Maybe he'll come to his senses this week and call me a fag or a retard. I've had so much fun baiting him into dozens of pointless tantrums, and I sure hope I'm not losing my touch.

Q: Why is TheSniperZERO such a lousy critic?

A: He seems to prefer the "do as I say, not as I do" approach to photoshopping. For all his bluster towards so-called cliche abusers, TSZ's own photoshop work is largely dependent on Star Wars and other geek culture references. If you're going to set yourself up as some kind of guru, at least have the decency to follow your own guidelines.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. I want to close this post by once again wishing TheSniperZERO a happy birthday. It's been said that when they made TSZ, they broke the mold. Okay, no one's ever said that, but I still hope it's true.

Stay tuned for more cautious optimism from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Attrition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Every week, I distill my vast array of photoshop knowledge into a pineapple-shaped cluster of wisdom, which I then proceed to cram up TheSniperZERO's expansive shit hole. It's my way of giving back to the Fark community, by proliferating my negative opinions and constantly proclaiming how heroic I am.

Q: Did you talk to any old friends this week?

A: I sure did. We finally heard something from TheSniperZERO, who crawled out from the gutter to spew some more bile. This was a nice change of pace from the last few months, when he thought pretending to ignore my blog would make it go away. Since that tactic failed more than his quest for photoshop relevance, TSZ has once again fallen back into his comfort zone of profanity and schoolyard insults. I was wondering how long that mouth-breathing jackass could hold his tongue.

Q: Why did TSZ pick this week to stop lurking?

A: I would say that he disagreed with my stance on the Fail tag, but I think we all know that he doesn't really have an opinion about that issue. Why would someone who barely uses Fark care what one of the tags looked like? I believe he may be feeling frustrated after a recent PSAEF conversation, wherein his erstwhile whipping boy Tillman professed to have only recently discovered the wit and wisdom of TFPSTC. I found this to be extremely amusing, given how the Critic thought he was making some kind of a stand by "calling out" our favorite Krylon enthusiast. The dumbfuck might as well have been talking to a brick wall.

Q: Are you doing anything special for TheSniperZERO's birthday?

A: You bet I am. Many of you will remember last year's celebration. As luck would have it, TSZ's birthday falls on a Friday this time around. You can expect a very special Q&A next week. It will be vastly different from previous editions devoted entirely to TSZ (including this one). You won't want to miss the festivities!

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by to once again bask in the warmth of my self-proclaimed genius. I want to congratulate TSZ for finally speaking up after all these months. It may have only been a snide four-line comment, but hopefully there's a lot more where that came from.

Stay tuned for more flame baiting from the Doctor!