Friday Q&A

Questionable Alteration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Hopefully everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. As the Christmas season approaches, I think it's important to celebrate the spirit of giving. Look for an upcoming installment of The Doctor's Gift Guide, wherein I'll share my wealth of knowledge on the art of bribing people to like you. In the meantime, you'll have to settle for the gift of me answering your moronic questions.

Q: Did you change the Clinic's template?

A: I sure did. Congratulations on your keen powers of observation. It's really surprising that you "accidentally" bring home as many transsexual prostitutes as you do. The old Clinic template had gotten a bit dusty, and I felt it was time for a change. I also repaired the broken links to my theme song and TSZ testimonial. Mp3 hosts seem to flame out pretty quickly, as I've gone through three or more in this blog's lifespan alone. Hopefully the new one will stick around for a while.

Q: What happened to Curveball?

A: I moved it back to the Arcade. Having games here on the main page was fun for a while, but now it's time to free up that valuable real estate for an even better feature. What will it be? Another widget? More polls? Only time will tell. In the meantime, you can still find Curveball and all the other great games at the Clinic Arcade. Look for updates to that page in the future.

Q: Will we ever get another Honor Roll?

A: Apparently so. As you no doubt remember, StovepipeBender shut down the venerable Fark Honor Roll earlier this year. While the Scrutinizer serves its purpose admirably, many of us still miss the simplicity of the old HR. That's why I was excited to read a recent blog posting by the creator of Manipster. According to him, a forthcoming update will mimic the design and functionality of the original Honor Roll. This is good news for anyone who still misses that classic site. I'll make sure to bring any such revisions to your attention.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As always, thanks for stopping by. Don't be surprised if the Clinic undergoes a few more template changes in the coming days. Pardon my dust, as I've only altered this site's appearance twice so far. Stark contrast indeed to TheSniperZERO, who changed TFPSTC every time someone made him look like a douchey fucktard (which was two or three times per day for a while).

Stay tuned for more overdue remodeling from the Doctor!

Special Thanksgiving Edition 2008

Greetings, turkeys and rolls. Welcome the the second annual Picture Clinic Thanksgiving edition. I hope you're having a wonderful day filled with the warmth of family togetherness. Assuming you agree with me about Photoshop, of course. Otherwise, feel free to die of hepatitis in the gutter, whilst derelicts jab your eyeballs with rusty hypodermic needles.

We've got a lot to be thankful for this year. To honor the season, I'm preparing a delicious feast for the Fark Photoshoppers to enjoy. Invitations have been sent to all the cool, popular people in our community. Did you not get one? It's probably just an oversight, or perhaps you suck at Photoshop and nobody likes you. Either way, I'll try to save you some leftovers.

Stay tuned for more holiday greetings from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Division

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me on such a fine day. As always, I know you have a choice in hate blogs. It was smart of you to choose mine over the one that was written by a cretin. I suppose this is where being able to string more than three sentences together without starting a new paragraph pays off. But let's get to the questions. I grow weary insulting the writing style of a well-known jackass.

Q: Do you miss the Golden Age?

A: Which one? In my mind, there will always be two: the Golden Age of Photoshop and the Golden Age of being a complete prick about Photoshop. I was assured that the latter was cyclical. That all the shitheads from last year would come crawling back to embroil our forum in controversy once again, whilst simultaneously dragging innocent people into a dispute more idiotic than it is nuanced. I'm still waiting for that, of course. Perhaps another mass email is in order, TSZ?

Meanwhile, the actual Golden Age of Photoshop seems to exist in a different time depending on who you talk to. Some people claim that the Golden Age of Photoshop happened last Tuesday at 9:17 AM. Others claim it happened at 9:16AM, and anything posted afterward is the work of ignorant hacks whose mothers never loved them. The point is, the "Golden Age" begins when you start 'shopping, and dies a gruesome death the minute you lose interest. When that happens, be sure to hit spell check before posting your sour grapes missive on our community's decline.

Q: Does our community need conflict?

A: Of course not, you hideous imbecile. Your choice of wording immediately tells me that you are bad at Photoshop and probably impotent as well. People participate in Fark contests to escape the tedium of their boring lives, not squabble endlessly. I'm proud of the good sportsmanship exhibited by my friends and rivals. We're altogether a pretty mature group, and there's no room for mean-spirited jackasses. Except for me, but I'm a charismatic antihero whom everyone likes and wants to give fifty dollars to.

Q: Did you win the Blog War?

A: In war there are no winners, only losers. And stupid losers who don't know how to debate a point without immediately calling someone a homosexual. I'm proud to fall into the former category. Proud to be a loser, you ask? Well, as the musician Beck once declared, "there's a devil's haircut in my mind." And while there are no winners in war, history is written by the victors. Anyone named Victor is urged to immediately begin transcribing the events of this epic struggle for Photoshop dominance. Make sure to note how I won.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. You're always a welcome guest at the Clinic, assuming you agree with everything I have to say. If not, you're stupid and I hate you. Leave now, and I promise I'll only write another 87 posts about what a lame asshole you are.

Stay tuned for more petty grudges from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Communication

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A, a weekly feature that tells you what to think. After all, if there's one thing creative types like, it's being told what to think. Yes, you like that very much. You've made a very wise decision by joining me once again, for a post that promises to be informative and filled with words.

Q: Is there any breaking news?

A: Yes, and some of it is actually positive. Today I was contacted by Chris, proprietor of the PS archive Manipster. He politely thanked me for my input, and assured that some recent updates have increased Manipster's tabulation accuracy. The site is apparently still evolving, so look for more news on this story in the coming months.

Q: Why doesn't everyone get an UltraFark email account?

A: That seems to be the question that no one's asking. For anyone who isn't aware, TFers with a six month or greater subscription were recently gifted with a new UltraFark email address. Thanks to Drew for keeping his promise of providing a few trade-offs to make up for the presence of ads on TotalFark. It's just unfortunate that so many users won't get to enjoy it. After all, many TFers purchase their subscriptions month by month, and have been doing it that way for years.

Q: Why is the email plan potentially dangerous?

A: Because assigning everyone a predictable address is like putting out troll bait. There's a reason why Fark gives you the option of concealing your email. Many users I've spoken with have reported getting spammed by cowardly trolls. We all remember Boner's hate mail campaign. While the idea of having the UltraFark domain seems cool on the outset, I'm afraid some users may discover the perils of having an easily predictable email address.

That's all for this time gentle reader. As always, have a great weekend. I want to end this post by once again thanking Chris from Manipster for his kind words. I look forward to reporting on the forthcoming updates to his site. I'm hopeful that it will become a useful resource for our community.

Stay tuned for more cautious optimism from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Ascension

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. As always, I hope you had a great week. Unless you disagree with me about photoshop, in which case I hope you had explosive diarrhea while you were stuck in an elevator. Change your pants so we can move on to the questions.

Q: Will the end of the election cycle effect Fark?

A: Only for the better, I'm sure. Election season is probably one of the most annoying times to be a Farker. Our community is seen as a battleground by the opposing sides, and virtually the same gaggle of morons can be found trolling every political discussion to death. Shameful, really. They could be expressing their skewed views through the time-honored tradition of a poorly written Blogspot page.

Q: What about the political theme contests?

A: I doubt we've seen the last of those. Along with the standard astro-turf comments and partisan headlines, this election cycle also saw a sharp rise in the submission of politically themed photoshop contests. While the entries in each were hilarious, that same aforementioned gaggle of morons would inevitably arrive to ruin the thread with their vitriolic discussions. At this point, I'm sure the mods/admins are more burned out with politics than we are. Maybe now the PSers can get back to envisioning what it would be like if various groups ruled the world.

Q: Who did you vote for?

A: Honestly, that's none of your business. I've done my best over these past few months not to let my bile-drenched political opinions interfere with my bile-drenched views on photoshop. There's enough hatred to go around here at the Clinic without bringing political affiliations into the mix. However, with the elections at an end, I suppose it would be okay to share my choice. With regards to voting, I wrote in my name on the ballot like I always do.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As always, thanks for stopping by. Allow me to apologize for this brief foray into the political sphere. Throughout this election, I've been disgusted with the lack of decency shown by followers from both sides. It seems that the Internet, which was intended to spread knowledge, is all too often a breeding ground for ignorance. That's why I'm determined to spread my version of the truth. I'm sure the world is anxious to hear my views.

Stay tuned for more flawed logic from the Doctor!