Friday Q&A

Questionable Division

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me on such a fine day. As always, I know you have a choice in hate blogs. It was smart of you to choose mine over the one that was written by a cretin. I suppose this is where being able to string more than three sentences together without starting a new paragraph pays off. But let's get to the questions. I grow weary insulting the writing style of a well-known jackass.

Q: Do you miss the Golden Age?

A: Which one? In my mind, there will always be two: the Golden Age of Photoshop and the Golden Age of being a complete prick about Photoshop. I was assured that the latter was cyclical. That all the shitheads from last year would come crawling back to embroil our forum in controversy once again, whilst simultaneously dragging innocent people into a dispute more idiotic than it is nuanced. I'm still waiting for that, of course. Perhaps another mass email is in order, TSZ?

Meanwhile, the actual Golden Age of Photoshop seems to exist in a different time depending on who you talk to. Some people claim that the Golden Age of Photoshop happened last Tuesday at 9:17 AM. Others claim it happened at 9:16AM, and anything posted afterward is the work of ignorant hacks whose mothers never loved them. The point is, the "Golden Age" begins when you start 'shopping, and dies a gruesome death the minute you lose interest. When that happens, be sure to hit spell check before posting your sour grapes missive on our community's decline.

Q: Does our community need conflict?

A: Of course not, you hideous imbecile. Your choice of wording immediately tells me that you are bad at Photoshop and probably impotent as well. People participate in Fark contests to escape the tedium of their boring lives, not squabble endlessly. I'm proud of the good sportsmanship exhibited by my friends and rivals. We're altogether a pretty mature group, and there's no room for mean-spirited jackasses. Except for me, but I'm a charismatic antihero whom everyone likes and wants to give fifty dollars to.

Q: Did you win the Blog War?

A: In war there are no winners, only losers. And stupid losers who don't know how to debate a point without immediately calling someone a homosexual. I'm proud to fall into the former category. Proud to be a loser, you ask? Well, as the musician Beck once declared, "there's a devil's haircut in my mind." And while there are no winners in war, history is written by the victors. Anyone named Victor is urged to immediately begin transcribing the events of this epic struggle for Photoshop dominance. Make sure to note how I won.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. You're always a welcome guest at the Clinic, assuming you agree with everything I have to say. If not, you're stupid and I hate you. Leave now, and I promise I'll only write another 87 posts about what a lame asshole you are.

Stay tuned for more petty grudges from the Doctor!