Friday Q&A

Questionable Renovation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. As usual, thanks for stopping by. I sincerely hope you had a great week. Unless you disagree with me about Photoshop, in which case I hope rats gnaw off your scrotum whilst you doze on the cum-stained mattress of your flophouse bedroom. But not before we take some questions, of course.

Q: What's with all the remodeling?

A: I'm just trying to make this place a little more presentable. Earlier this week, I unveiled a new title banner for each page of the Clinic. I also removed some dead links over at the Clinic Arcade. These changes, along with the new URL and updated profile avatar, are part of my campaign to renovate the Picture Clinic. I apologize for neglecting some areas of this blog in recent months.

Q: Why do you want my money?

A: Hey, times are tough. You may not be aware, but running a blog isn't free. The Picture Clinic is made possible in part by readers like you. Simply click the donate button, and give whatever you think is fair. Paypal gladly accepts all major credit cards. Thanks for your support!

Q: What's next for the Clinic?

A: I've currently got a few big projects in development. As you well know, I'm always looking to expand the Picture Clinic's functionality, whilst pissing off TheSniperZERO. These upcoming releases hope to satisfy both objectives, though the latter is admittedly facile.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Once again, thanks for stopping by. I want to close this post by thanking those responsible for the recent improvement in Fark's contest queue. Though I'm sure the admins will be back to greenlighting b&w jumping dogs in no time.

Stay tuned for more unwarranted cynicism from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Relocation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special edition of the Friday Q&A, and the first posting from my new address. Please pardon the clutter, as I haven't really had time to unpack. We'd better get to the questions, whilst I try to figure out which one of the boxes is emitting that foul odor.

Q: Why did you change your address?

A: I've been considering a move for the past few months, but I'm always wary of making serious changes to the Clinic. However, updating the address is far from complicated. For anyone who doesn't have the benefit of running a rival hate blog, allow me to explain that Blogger makes it a simple task to alter a page's URL. Relocating the entirety of my site's content to its new home was a snap. Please have patience whilst I clean up any broken links left over from the move.

Q: Did you get a haircut?

A: I must complement your keen powers of observation. The ability you have to perceive things that have happened is unparalleled. This week, in a move that shocked the Fark-related Photoshop blogging community, I retired my second generation ass-face icon. The old one served me well, but I'm very happy with version 3.0.

Q: Is the contest queue back to normal?

A: Normal? There aren't enough jumping dogs and b&w pictures in the queue for it to be anywhere near normal. In a surprise move this week, the admins actually greenlit a decent number of quality images and themes. Such actions have left bloggers like me scrambling for something to complain about. Shame on the powers that be for teasing us with such unsustainable levels of awesome.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. And so concludes my first posting from the new address. Thanks for stopping by my housewarming party. In lieu of a gift, please refrain from spitting on the floor.

Stay tuned for more unreasonable requests from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Invitation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. I'm glad you took time to join me once again. I've made some recent changes to the Clinic, and I'll be taking an opportunity to discuss them in this week's edition.

Q: What happened to TheSniperZERO Critique?

A: Some of my more perceptive readers may have noticed TheSniperZERO Critique's recent unavailability. I've closed that blog to everyone except invited guests, in a move inspired by TFPSTC. Registration is still open, of course. Unless you're TSZ, in which case I have to wonder why you'd be upset about getting badmouthed behind closed doors. You apparently have no qualms with doing it to others.

Q: Would you prefer for TFPSTC to be made public again?

A: Of course not. TSZ should by all means keep his blog private. The last thing we need is another generation of Photoshoppers getting exposed to that bile. For all some of our newer users know, their work isn't constantly being insulted by a humorless dolt. Let's try to keep it that way, shall we?

Q: Are you going to make the entire Clinic private?

A: Absolutely not. After all, I like giving TSZ something to read. And regardless of that twit, my views and opinions are far too important to be locked away. It would be a crime for the insightful knowledge of the Picture Clinic to be shared only amongst a few elites. This blog has always been about helping people. Specifically, about helping them to understand that they're stupid and I'm always right.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. Unlike certain other blogs, you can always count on the Clinic for honest insight and thoughtful observation. Rest assured that these archives will remain open for the average Farker to peruse. I have far too much respect for my opinions than to let them languish in the confines of privacy.

Stay tuned for more haughty reassurances from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Exclusion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. In this weekly feature, I take time to focus on important issues facing the Fark Photoshop community. Thanks for joining me once again. As always, any disagreement with my shadowed view of the world is a bold indication of your ignorance.

Q: What happened to TFPSTC?

A: It's now a members only affair. Apparently TheSniperZERO has once again embarked upon the path of brutally dishonest Photoshop criticism. This time, however, he's taken steps to exclude those ever-present people who disagree with him. You see, unlike what TSZ would have you believe, TFPSTC isn't about "making Fark better," or any such nonsense. It's about disrespecting the contributions of well-meaning people, based on their level of skill. I'm glad he decided to keep this incarnation of his screed private. Now he'll be able to consort with his echo-chamber of loyal goons and sock puppets, whilst avoiding incursions from the common man.

Q: Why is the contest queue so short?

A: That seems to be the question of the hour. Though the Fark admins approved a few threads earlier today, new contests were decidedly sparse this week. No reason was given for this drought, but it's hardly an uncommon occurrence. I'm sure you would have noticed how much the queue fluctuates, if you weren't so busy calling the Asian phone sex hotline and stealing expired medication from the pharmacy dumpster. Whilst some may differ on the number of threads best displayed at once, pretty much everyone can agree that ten is not enough.

Q: What's the deal with vote whoring?

A: Ah yes, vote whoring. The two ugliest words in a Photoshopper's vocabulary (pending clarification on whether "TheSniperZERO's nutsack" is two words or five). It appears that this foul pastime has once again reared its ugly head in our community. Apparently certain Farkers are exchanging sexual favors for votes. I personally find such behavior to be deplorable. What in the FSM's name is wrong with you people?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I want to close this edition of the Q&A by welcoming TSZ back to the world of Photoshop criticism. It's just too bad he's afraid of making his opinions public. What's the point of having a sanctimonious hate blog if no one can read your ill-conceived ideas? Hopefully whichever witty gentleman was involved in the construction of this delightful TFPSTC parody will see fit to start posting again. Meanwhile, my readers can rest assured that I remain fully dedicated to the task at hand: insulting you for disagreeing with me.

Stay tuned for more selfless devotion from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Absolution

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to the very first Friday Q&A of 2009. Hopefully your bright optimism for the new year has begun to fade, and we can get back to business as usual. This week I'm taking time to clear the air with my old buddy TheSniperZERO. It seems the erstwhile Critic recently made a return to Fark. Welcome back TSZ!

Q: Are you mad TheSniperZERO is Farking again?

A: What gave you a ridiculous idea like that? Everyone is welcome at Fark, even assholes. TSZ is a decent Photoshopper, when he's able to focus on his own work. Whether or not he can stomach losing to people whom he badmouthed last year is another question entirely, but I'm sure he takes it in stride.

Q: So you've forgiven TSZ?

A: Absolutely not, and I fail to see why I should. This is the same asshole who made petty attacks on people because they used cliches. The same asshole who scoffed at the idea of anyone actually having fun whilst crafting their Fark entries. Our contests have been described, by wiser men than me, as slightly less competitive than shuffle board. But to hear this jackass talk, it was a fucking Olympic sport. We apparently aren't worthy to kiss the Wacoms of those great Golden Age Photoshoppers.

Q: Do you expect him to apologize?

A: Of course not. Everyone knows that TheSniperZERO is an unrepentant asshole. If I ever saw him apologize for anything, I would die laughing. Then I'd go to Hell and make a fortune selling kerosene heaters. TSZ was trolling my blog and insulting his fellow Photoshoppers as recently as last month. Meanwhile, he's never offered so much as a simple explanation for the callow attacks made during his Critic days.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I want to close this post by once again welcoming TheSniperZERO back to Fark. I might have a bit of fun heckling him, but it's only because he's a hopelessly arrogant jackass.

Stay tuned for more accurate observations from the Doctor!

Brave New Year: 2009

Picture Clinic: New Year's Edition

Happy New Year, crickets and trolls! Welcome to the very first Clinic posting of 2009. Whilst your hangover subsides, I'm going to review my best work from last year. Unlike New Year's eve, this is one countdown that won't ultimately leave you feeling unfulfilled. Assuming you're as fulfilled by vitriolic animosity as I am.

This is my year!

Top Hate of '08

5. Friday Q&A (12/12/08) Recently, I had to answer some tough questions from my old foe TheSniperZERO. TSZ has been a regular visitor to the Clinic since the beginning, but unfortunately has more than a few misconceptions about my motivation. Allow me to repeat again, for the sake of clarity, that I am not a journalist. Unless you also consider the Weekly World News to be journalism.

4. Friday Q&A (10/3/08) A few months ago, Drew made the ill-advised decision to install ads on Totalfark. I offered my own opinions on the matter, and published the Stylish plug-in workaround in a Q&A post. It turns out I was justified in expressing concern, given the number of problems with these banners in recent weeks.

3. Friday Q&A (7/4/08) Who could forget my special American Edition of the Friday Q&A? Hopefully everyone. The Fourth of July always puts me in a rather jingoistic mood, and this year was no exception. What better way to celebrate America's birth than by exhibiting the very attitude that causes so much of the world to despise us?

2. Friday Q&A (5/9/08) Back in May, I voiced my opinion on Fark's somewhat draconian moderation policies. At the time, there were rumors that stricter modding was indicative of an impending Fark sale. These rumors were crap, of course. And Drew's anti-trolling ultimatum held up for about five seconds when faced with election-year astroturfers.
You just lost the Game.
1. Friday Q&A (2/15/08) In February, we were all concerned about a perceived decline in voting. Sound familiar? This discussion seems to be about as regular an occurrence as the lunar cycle, or the Oprah fat/thin cycle. In my February posting, I proffered that perhaps Fark is losing ground to rivals like Digg. Hey, if people want to argue with 17-year olds whilst being bombarded by Apple propaganda, it's none of my business.

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That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for checking out my first post of the new year. I chose not to make any resolutions for 2009, because I'm pretty much perfect. Why mess with a good thing? Though if I were to offer some advice to you, it would be to shower more.

Stay tuned for more indelicate observations from the Doctor!