Friday Q&A

Questionable Abbreviation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. As always, thanks for joining me. I'm glad you're here, provided we share the same opinions about Photoshop. If not, feel free to fuck off and die.

Q: Why has the contest queue been so short?

A: This is not a repeat from two weeks ago. In what is becoming a common occurrence, the queue of upcoming Photoshop contests has once again dwindled to less than a dozen. A bit of grumbling in the PSAEF might grease the wheels, but the fact remains that a lot of good material has been getting passed over lately.

Q: Are the admins on vacation?

A: Preposterous. Who vacations in summertime? I think the obvious culprit here is alien abduction and/or Bigfoot. There can be no other explanation in my mind, at least not without getting time travel involved.

Q: Are there any advantages to the short queue?

A: There certainly are for me. As a blogger, it gives me something to bitch about. For the rest of the community, I see no particular benefit. Especially among those who bought Totalfark solely for the access to upcoming Photoshop contests.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Hopefully, this fluctuating contest queue is only a temporary problem. In the meantime, you might as well take the opportunity to start a new hobby. Perhaps one that necessitates wearing pants.

Stay tuned for more activity suggestions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Devotion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. In this weekly feature, I explore those issues that matter most to the Fark Photoshop community. Thanks for joining me once again. Today, I'll be offering a bit of explanation for any newcomers to the Clinic. Veteran readers should probably skip straight to deciphering the secret hidden messages in this post.
You are stupid.
Q: What is your mission?

A: My mission has always been the same. I'm just doing my part to spread good will in our community. Unless you disagree with me, in which case you can fuck off. I like to think of myself as the voice of reason, my Iranian assassination conspiracies notwithstanding.

Q: How do you decide which issues to cover?

A: That's a good question. Obviously you're having a moment of clarity in your otherwise inhalant-clouded existence. Issues dealt with at the Picture Clinic are decided by a scientific study of an unscientific poll. All the data is then handed over to my crack team of typewriting monkeys, who hurl their feces at the the most pressing matters of the day. At some point, spell check is applied, and any references to bananas are removed.

Q: Is anything off limits?

A: I try not to make fun of your mother's penis, but otherwise pretty much anything goes. I believe in shining a harsh light on current events, whilst not getting bogged down in tedious facts. My only crimes are caring too much, and arson.

That's all for this time gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I hope I was able to enlighten some of the newcomers about this blog's purpose and core message. If you still don't understand, try rereading the post with a thesaurus handy. You might be getting thrown off by all the literary flourishes and poop jokes.

Stay tuned for more excretory humor from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Decomposition

Greetings crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me once again. In this weekly feature, I take time to address issues directly related to the Fark Photoshop community. Let nothing sway my vigilant gaze.

Q: Did any more famous people die this week?
Abe Vigoda LIVES
A: Yes, probably a few. Death is a natural part of life, and our celebrities will always be in danger of assassination at the hands of secret Iranian agents. This week, it is my sad duty to report the passing of Walter Cronkite. I'm no journalist, but I've always seen direct and obvious parallels between his work and my own.

This just in! My egomania has reached staggering depths!

Q: Is Imageshack back online?

A: It would appear so. One week ago, Imageshack was the victim of a bizarre hacker attack that substituted many hosted images with a tl;dr rant on the subject of Internet security. Luckily, the damage appears to have been repaired. All the images are visible again, and there have been no further incursions by Anti-Sec.

Q: Why is the contest queue so short?

A: No one knows for sure why Fark's admins occasionally fail to greenlight Photoshop threads. In the past few days, the list of upcoming contests has dwindled to less than a dozen. There's been no shortage of good submissions, but so far most of them have been rejected.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Please do your part by submitting a contest for Fark's admins to reject. If that doesn't work, the Parrot may want to consider eating more fiber.

Stay tuned for more dietary suggestions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Exploitation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me once again. I was all set to rant about dead public figures, but some late-breaking news has intervened. My salute to Steve McNair and Robert McNamara will have to be postponed until further notice. In the meantime, Ronald McDonald has been moved to a secure location.

Q: What happened to Imageshack?

A: Friday evening, Imageshack came under attack by a group of hackers calling themselves Anti-sec. If you host your pictures on that site, there's a good chance they were briefly replaced with this manifesto:

Take notes TSZ.
Q: What does this group want?
Your DDOS attempt last week was pathetic.
A: You'll have to spend a little more time than I did deciphering their anarchist boilerplate to solve that mystery. Suffice to say, the disruption of Fark Photoshop contests was not their primary objective. Hopefully, the targeted images have only been temporarily replaced. It's unknown at this time whether or not the originals will return.

Q: How does this affect Fark?

A: Apparently not at all, despite the disruption of a few threads. Anti-sec's attack didn't swap out every Imageshack pic, and that host has done such a piss-poor job in the past few years that only a few PSers still use it. Those that do have no doubt become accustomed to randomly losing their images. Seeing the substitution of something other than a golden frog was probably a welcome change of pace.

That's all for this time gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Hopefully, this evening's attack will be quickly repaired by Imageshack. I'm not comfortable with the unfair advantage given to those posts that were substituted with Anti-sec's manifesto. Someone obviously spent more than 15 minutes on that thing, placing it high above the creative standards of my own work.

Stay tuned for more unfair disadvantages from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Assassination

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Independence Day edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for stopping by, assuming you agree with me about Photoshop. If not, you're obviously an enemy of America. Why do you hate our troops, and freedom?

Q: Is this a somber week?

A: It certainly is. The plague of celeb-u-deaths has finally hit home. Since last week's edition, two more stars have fallen from the sky. Or possibly three, you never can tell with the damn Internet rumor mill. I'm going to go ahead and say four, that way this post will stay current for at least a couple of days.

Q: Could anything top the shock of losing Michael Jackson?

A: Sure. Probably a lot of things could. For example, none of us were ready for the tragic passing of Billy Mays. He will be missed, but his death is overshadowed by the loss of yet another star. I'm talking of course, about Karl Malden.

Karl Fucking Malden died this week.

At this point in the Q&A, I'm going to pause for a moment of silence, in observance of Mr Malden's passing. Please wait one minute before proceeding to the next question.

Q: Who is responsible for this epidemic of dead celebrities?

A: The answer should be more obvious than the flaws in your personality. Which country was in the news right before all these celebs started kicking the bucket? My theory is that covert Iranian operatives are killing off our entertainers to distract the media from that government's ongoing election crisis. If so, the plot succeeded well beyond their wildest expectations.
I killed Weird Al's parents.
That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. As you celebrate this Fourth of July weekend, please take time to remember the sacrifices made by brave Americans, like Karl Malden and Billy Mays. And please aim your fireworks away from the remaining celebrities.

Stay tuned for more safety precautions from the Doctor!