Friday Q&A

Questionable Assassination

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Independence Day edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for stopping by, assuming you agree with me about Photoshop. If not, you're obviously an enemy of America. Why do you hate our troops, and freedom?

Q: Is this a somber week?

A: It certainly is. The plague of celeb-u-deaths has finally hit home. Since last week's edition, two more stars have fallen from the sky. Or possibly three, you never can tell with the damn Internet rumor mill. I'm going to go ahead and say four, that way this post will stay current for at least a couple of days.

Q: Could anything top the shock of losing Michael Jackson?

A: Sure. Probably a lot of things could. For example, none of us were ready for the tragic passing of Billy Mays. He will be missed, but his death is overshadowed by the loss of yet another star. I'm talking of course, about Karl Malden.

Karl Fucking Malden died this week.

At this point in the Q&A, I'm going to pause for a moment of silence, in observance of Mr Malden's passing. Please wait one minute before proceeding to the next question.

Q: Who is responsible for this epidemic of dead celebrities?

A: The answer should be more obvious than the flaws in your personality. Which country was in the news right before all these celebs started kicking the bucket? My theory is that covert Iranian operatives are killing off our entertainers to distract the media from that government's ongoing election crisis. If so, the plot succeeded well beyond their wildest expectations.
I killed Weird Al's parents.
That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. As you celebrate this Fourth of July weekend, please take time to remember the sacrifices made by brave Americans, like Karl Malden and Billy Mays. And please aim your fireworks away from the remaining celebrities.

Stay tuned for more safety precautions from the Doctor!