Friday Q&A

Questionable Adulation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another fine edition of the Friday Q&A. This weekly feature is usually chock full of hatred and animosity. After all, that's what my readers demand. As the last surviving Photoshop hate blogger, I feel it's my duty to package bile-ridden spite for the masses to consume. However, occasionally something will happen that requires me to set aside the pretense of negativity. Such an event occurred earlier this week, when yet another Fark entry appeared on the urban legend website Snopes.com.

Q: How many Fark entries have ended up on Snopes?

A: Until recently, the answer has been only one, Lukket's infamous "Computer of the Future" from 2004. It still pops up around the Web in various articles and blog posts, often presented as a real photograph. The Snopes writeup can be found here.

It was once stated (by a failed critic) that modern age Photoshoppers could never hope to create an image this subversively hilarious. Personally, I felt that it was only a matter of time. The approval of thread 4580667 certainly aided the process.

Q: Which image made it to Snopes?

A: That honor goes to SvartVinbars, whose fifth place entry featuring Barrack Obama as a member of the Black Panther Party has had great success trolling Right Wingers. Here is the image, in case you missed it:

This picture has been making the rounds in emails, often alleging a cover up by the mainstream media. At this rate, we'll be lucky not to have another gaggle of Obama conspiracy theorists on our hands by next month. Congratulations to SvartVinbars, and anyone who forwarded the image to a panicky relative or coworker.

Q: Why did the Black Panther Obama have so much success?

A: I try to refrain from political commentary on this blog. However, I can say without a doubt that there are some people who desperately want SvartVinbars' image to be real. Snopes goes to great length in pointing out that the picture is an obvious 'shop. The source pic is well known, and Obama couldn't have been more than 10 years old when the Black Panthers were active. While there's no way to predict the long term circulation of Black Panther Obama, you won't catch me betting against the power of human stupidity.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I want to close this post by once again congratulating SvartVinbars on attaining what so many before him failed to achieve. I admire his Photoshop skills and ability to troll simple-minded idiots, the latter of which is second only to my own.

Stay tuned for more unnecessary self-aggrandizement from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Calculation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me again, even if you're only checking this blog to see if I insult you. Let's get that out of the way early, shall we? You're stupid and your mother is a whore. Your opinions about Photoshop are more laughable than your interactions with the opposite sex. Go get the rustiest pair of pliers you can find and forcibly remove yourself from the gene pool. After you've spared future generations from the torment of your spawn, we can get to this week's questions.

Q: How can I win more Photoshop contests?

A: This is the eternal question in our community. Our voters seem so fickle, and their reactions impossible to gauge. But what if I told you that I could easily predict the winners of each and every Photoshop contest? You'd probably say I'm full of shit, when in reality that assumption is only partially true. It's a fact that winning comes easily to those who have learned what I call the Secret to Photoshop Success. I can't say too much other than it involves a lot of practice, patience, ritual dancing and goat's blood.

Q: Have you made any new additions to Cliche City?

A: I sure have. A recent email from a concerned visitor pointed out the rather glaring omission of Disaster Girl. Her absence has since been rectified. For anyone unfamiliar with the meme:


Thanks again to the alert patron who notified me. You can read the revised page here. I appreciate any interest shown in improving Cliche City. After all, it's only been a few months since I found the site code in a dumpster behind Grampy's house.

Q: Why do you keep trolling TheSniperZERO?

A: Because, unlike so many other things in life, it requires very little effort. I like things that are easy (I'll resist the temptation to reference your mother here, as I have expended my quota for this post). Pushing that idiot's buttons is not exactly a chess game. It's more like Connect Four (minus three).

That's all for this time gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. In the coming weeks, I hope to move past certain petty differences that have been so prominently featured at the Clinic. Negativity and ill will have no place here, except in the secret messages I include with each post.
Fuck you, shithead.
Stay tuned for more hidden animosity from the Doctor!

Saturday Q&A

Questionable Fascination

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Saturday edition of the Friday Q&A. Some of my more astute readers may recognize this week's post comes a day late. My apologies for any inconvenience caused by the temporary rescheduling.

Q: Why did you post a day late this week?

A: I thought posting on September 11th would be in poor taste. Farkers know when to show their respect for a national tragedy. For example, we hardly ever post this image any more:


Of course, that modicum of restraint was not my true reason for postponing the Q&A. If you're a hardcore Clinic reader, you know that today is the birthday of my old arch-nemesis TheSniperZERO! Happy birthday, TSZ. You're the most persistent and insane troll I've ever encountered.

Q: Why are you taunting TheSniperZERO?

A: A great man (I think it was Jesus or perhaps Elliott Gould) once said, "if it feels good, do it." My old foe is going to read this blog regardless of what I write about, so why not pause to offer my sincerest thanks? Without him raging over every post, there's no telling how long the Clinic would have lasted.

Q: Does he really hate this blog?

A: Oh yeah. His recent attempts at trolling are a huge tell. Over the years, he's made some pretty lame attacks on this place, but the last few were just sad. Gone are the days of multiple sock puppets and wall-of-text psych analysis. It's a real shame. Perhaps he'll get his act together and rally another assault on the Clinic.

That's all for this time gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by, especially to my number one fan TheSniperZERO. Hopefully, he'll leave a monosyllabic retort or spam posting in this week's comments section.

Stay tuned for more obvious troll bait from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Reiteration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. I'd like to start by welcoming all of my new readers. I realize that many of you may be unfamiliar with the Clinic, so let me tell you how things work: I'm always right, and anyone who disagrees with me is stupid. I'm going to go over a few my core beliefs in this week's post. That way, newcomers can determine their level of intelligence without having to search through my vast archives.

Q: How do you feel about cliches?

A: Here at the Picture Clinic, I fully support the use of Fark's beloved Photoshop cliches. These reoccurring images are part of our community's shared iconography. Spend some time outside of the contests if you don't believe me. The fact that Pat Tribbett gets a greenlit thread every time he's arrested would tend to support my position.

Q: How important is skill in a Fark contest?

A: The conventional wisdom is that our voters tend to favor cliches, passing over more intricate shops to vote for the same old stuff. This causes much grief in our community, as members frequently bemoan the lack of respect for artistic merit. I personally don't subscribe to this theory. I've seen plenty of non-cliche entries win, but Fark is by and large a humor site. The voters want a cheap laugh, whether it gets delivered in the form of a cliche or a silly joke is of little consequence. An entry has to be truly jaw-dropping to get the public's attention without the benefit of a dick or fart joke.

Q: What is your opinion on voting?
TSZ = fail
A: I tend to respect it, regardless of the outcome. Whilst I've already stated how pointless it is to rant against the people we're trying to entertain, I can understand some of the frustration. Unfortunately, the voters have no idea how long you spent crafting an image. When someone invests a lot of time working on something, they tend to overlook the flaws in their own creation. Kind of like how every parent thinks their kid is special, and not just another screaming brat. My best advice would be to take a step back periodically and evaluate what you've made. If it isn't living up to your expectations, drown it in the bathtub.
My Photoshops are like my children (in that I spent five minutes making them).
That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. As always, the views expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of the Fark Photoshop community, but they damn well should.

Stay tuned for more suggested opinions from the Doctor!