Friday Q&A

Questionable Competition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another fine edition of the Friday Q&A. How was your Thanksgiving? Hopefully terrible, if you disagree with me in even the slightest way. Let's hope you spent the day digging through rotted garbage for nourishment. I'm thankful that a lot of places padlock their dumpster nowadays.

Q: Who is currently leading the Scrutinizer's Honor Roll?

A: Nobody, followed closely by no one. As detailed in a previous edition, Mr Squirrel has not yet adjusted his site's code to accommodate for changes recently made to Fark. As a result, the current Honor Roll page looks like this:

Q: Is the entire site broken?

A: Individual stats are still being logged, and you'll have no problem viewing the ever-expanding gallery of crap you've submitted. Unfortunately, all pissing matches are currently on hold until the requisite changes can be made. As previously stated, Mr Squirrel is incommunicado. Please do not email him, as I'm sure he already has an inbox filled with alerts pertaining to this problem.

Q: Are there any positive aspects to a Scrutinizer outage?

A: Certainly, but you'll need a mindset above that of an infant to recognize them. Therefore I fully expect my next few sentences to fly right over the average Clinic reader's head. The Scutinizer is a great resource for our community, but like all tools, it can be misused. Far too often, it becomes a ruler for insecure Photoshoppers to measure their dicks with. Placement on the Honor Roll does not correspond to actual PS skill, yet somehow stats are inevitably dragged out during almost every disagreement in our community. Your somewhat higher win percentage does not invalidate opposing viewpoints.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. It's unfortunate that the Scrutinizer is malfunctioning, but keep in mind that there are still plenty of ways to feel superior amongst your fellow PSers. You'll just have to find something besides intelligence, Photoshop ability, or body odor. Perhaps you're really good at puzzles or something.
Doubtful.
Stay tuned for more suggested talents from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Dedication

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A, part of an ongoing series exploring the numerous ways that I am superior to you. You probably think it's pretty easy for me to sit here in my ivory tower and thumb my nose at the common man. And you're right! It's become one of my favorite pastimes, second only to trading erotic Judge Judy fanfic.

Q: Why did you start this blog?

A: Since its inception, the Picture Clinic has been a bastion of free speech. Provided you agree with me, of course. The Web needed another opinionated asshole, and I bravely stepped forward to fill that role. It's the kind of inspiring story that could only happen in America, or pretty much anywhere else in the world.

Q: What makes your opinions correct?

A: That's a good question. I'm surprised you were able to come up with it. But then, I'm consistently surprised you can find the button to turn your computer on. At any rate, my opinions are the smartest because they are forged in the fires of my brilliant mind. As I've stated before, my IQ is at least 175 (by my own estimate). Does this make me better than you? I guess it depends on whether or not your IQ is below 175. If so, then yeah, probably.

Q: Are you a hero?

A: Absolutely not. I'm just a simple man writing a simple blog that simple-minded people read. The real heroes are fighting overseas (or very close by if you live in a particularly shitty country). The Clinic is just my humble contribution to a community that I care about.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. I'm glad you stopped by. Thanks for letting me take some time to clarify my blog's mission statement. I promise a full return to my probing coverage of community issues in the next edition. For now, please take some time to make sure your opinions don't clash with mine.

Stay tuned for more ideological alignment from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Premonition

Greetings crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Friday the 13th edition of the Q&A. I've always considered this date to be lucky, since I'm a creature of darkness that feeds off the misery and hatred of others. I get more than my fill from this blog alone, but having the 13th fall on Friday three times this year has been a nice bonus.

Q: Is luck important in Photoshopping?

A: I'm sure many of my contemporaries would say yes. The conventional logic amongst most of Fark Photoshop's elite seems to be that our voters are unpredictable. You just never know what they're going to elevate or shun. Well, maybe you don't know. I myself have mastered the art of predicting a contest's winners and losers.

Q: What is the secret to your predictions?

A: If I shared that, I'd give away my edge in the contests. Then I would only have my massive technical skills and outstanding sense of humor to set me apart from the pack. And also my good looks and intelligence. If you really want to know the secret behind Fark's voting trends, you'll just have to sit back and observe the outcome of a few contests for yourself. This may mean closing three or more of the bestiality porn tabs you have open on your browser, so be prepared to make sacrifices.

Q: Are psychic abilities a factor in the outcome of Fark's contests?

A: Absolutely. As a trained medical professional, I can say that psychic powers are just as real as Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. Since the dawn of time, mankind has sought to control his destiny. How better to do so than by predicting the future? A man named Nostradamus once said a bunch of stuff that I have trouble translating because it's in a foreign language. Luckily, trusted TV psychic Miss Cleo thinks enough to speak American (or Español if you press 2). She had no problem confiding with me at great length about the impending outcome of many Fark contests. If it weren't for her indictment by the FCC, my winning streak would have remained unbroken.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I don't need psychic powers to know you're doubting my claims about the existence of said powers. Try thinking of a number between one and ten (preferably seven). Did you guess seven? How about six? Five, eight or three? If I haven't guessed your number yet, you're probably a witch.

Stay tuned for more arbitrary predictions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Deletion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. In this regular feature, I explore important issues facing the Fark Photoshop community. I'm not the first Photoshopper to take up blogging, but I'm one of the few who isn't a miserably ignorant piece of shit with 100% wrong opinions. I'll have you know that only 57% of my opinions are wrong. And you'd better damn well agree with all of them.

Q: Why does Photobucket suck?

A: There simply isn't enough space in a single Q&A to contain my entire list of why Photobucket is a crappy image host. We'll set aside the eye-gouging interface for now and just focus on their despotic moderation policy. Many PSers have found themselves on the wrong side of Photobucket's TOS. Without warning, the offending images are replaced with an angry red placecard.

Q: What kinds of images are forbidden?

A: The answer might surprise you. Classical artwork with any kind of nudity seems to be a frequent offender. Likewise, Nazi imagery also seems to be verboten. Beyond that, I devised a test to determine what kind of content the PB mods dislike. When I set up the new Cliche City, I hosted most of the images at Photobucket. Over the past few months, they've gradually been picked off. Birth of Man and Paris Hilton's open snatch were obvious gets, but the latest victim surprised even me.

The Special Olympics kid is one of Fark's oldest cliches. It may not be the most politically correct, but it's far from offensive. And there's certainly no copyright at stake. As far as I know, that image is in the public domain.

Q: Why does Photobucket hate retarded people?

A: I have no idea, but such a policy seems bad for business. Probably half of all Photobucket users are retarded, so that's a lot of pictures to delete. They're going to need a diligent staff of fascists working around the clock just to keep up with demand.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'll continue to monitor the authoritarian takeover of Photobucket. Nudity and racism are one thing, but when their mods deny our constitutional right to mock the handicapped, they're messing with forces they cannot possibly understand.

Stay tuned for more uncensored derision from the Doctor!