Holiday Q&A

Questionable Emotion

Greetings, crickets and elves. Welcome to a special Christmas edition of the Friday Q&A. Happy holidays to you. Whether you practice Christianity or some other weird religion, this is a magical time of year.

Q: What kind of presents did you give?

A: I only give one kind of gift: scratch-off lottery tickets. They're the best kind of present, even though there's only an infinitesimal chance your loved one will actually be getting anything. And of course you can take the ticket back if they win. Does Nana think she can stop me? I will fuck Nana's shit up. Judge me all you want, but if a $20,000 card got scratched off in my house, there would be a fistfight between at least a dozen people.

Q: What's the best thing about Christmas?

A: Knowing that the so-called joyous season is almost over. In a world where every store puts up Christmas decorations the day after Halloween, you come to cherish the brief moments before another onslaught of holiday crap. But joy to the world, and all that.

Q: Do you just pay lip service to Christmas as an excuse to get presents?

A: Doesn't everybody? Hey, I don't see you going to church every Sunday. I think our culture has proven that you don't need a strong faith in the FSM to celebrate Christmas. Or even Christianity. My church is located inside an old decommissioned Chuck E Cheese. We still have a nativity pageant, but the baby Jesus is animatronic, and he shoots lasers out of his eyes.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. Merry Christmas once again. I hope you got everything you wanted, unless you disagree with me. Happy New Year, I look forward to seeing many more great Photoshops from all of you.
except TheSniperZero
Stay tuned for more Christmas cheer from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Celebration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to anther edition of the Friday Q&A. Christmas is right around the corner! In this season, it's customary to set our differences aside. At least until after the third cup of egg nog.

Q: How are you celebrating this Christmas?

A: I suppose every family has their own way. In my house, we all gather 'round for the traditional burning of the Yule log. This is usually followed closely by the traditional calling of the fire department. Maybe next year, I'll remember to unblock the chimney first. Even if it means accidentally letting that bastard trespasser Santa Claus into my home.

Q: Was this a good year for Photoshop?

A: It was a good year for a lot of things, and Photoshop was definitely one of them. I'm sure you probably disagree, or think that some previous era outshines this one. Well, you're an idiot. I'm sure it would be fun to live in the past (especially during the gangster or cowboy eras), but we all have to move forward.

Q: What about the Golden Age?

A: Give everyone a gift this season, and let the damn Golden Age die. Seriously, it's time to load up the old shotgun and take that mythical era for a long walk into the woods. Just because your PS skills peaked a few years ago, that's no reason to bring the rest of us down.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Happy holidays from everyone here at the Picture Clinic, regardless of whether or not you agree with me. Though in case of the latter, you really should think about getting a grip on reality.

Stay tuned for more season's greetings from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Frustration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. It's nice of you to join me again. As you're no doubt aware, I value nearly all of my readers. At least those who swear a loyalty oath to uphold my ideals. Like all great geniuses, I'm able to recognize that everyone who disagrees with me is stupid. Thankfully, there's still hope for a few of you.

Q: What's the best way to win a Fark contest?

A: It's easy, you just have to give the public what they want. If voters are only interested in seeing tired cliches repeated ad nauseum, you'd better be there to serve that tripe on a platter. Skilled and insightful work can only take you so far in our community. Formulaic and obvious are much better recipes for success on Fark.

Q: Why does my best stuff always seem to score poorly?

A: This lament is so common, it should be part of the Adobe EULA that you have to agree to when you install Photoshop. People always want to know why an entry they spent ten minutes on can outshine something that took hours to complete. My best advice would be to make sure your piece contains an actual joke before you expend a lot of effort on it. Voters don't know how long it took for you to finish something, and aren't really judging your image on that criteria.

Q: Why do Fark voters favor quick and dirty stuff over more advanced entries?

A: Once again, you've missed the point entirely. Voters don't necessarily favor simplistic work, they just want a laugh. Cliches serve this purpose well, and often act as ready-made comedic devices for Photoshoppers who didn't have the pleasure of attending Sarcastic Joke University. In the past, there have been many attempts to elevate what we do. That's all well and good, of course. No one is saying you shouldn't spend time on your entries, or work to improve your skills. Just make sure the concept you choose is at least mildly amusing. Fark is, after all, primarily a humor site.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'm glad we had a chance to further explore the debate of skill vs funny. Ultimately, you will find yourself best served by having a little of both. Though it's much more likely that you have none of either.

Stay tuned for more honest evaluations from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Restitution

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I answer the questions that no one else thinks to ask. It's just my way of giving back to the Fark PS community. As a wise man once said, "the Photoshoptor Doctor is brilliant and everything he says is right." Or possibly that was me referring to myself in the third person. It makes sense, I'm the smartest guy I know.

Q: Are there any lawsuits pending in our community?

A: Not yet, but a storm is brewing. Apparently, another one of Fark's beloved Photoshop cliches has lawyered up. Pat Tribett, the infamous "Huffer", is newly sober and gradually becoming aware of his vast Internet notoriety. Naturally, his first reaction was to sue a bunch of people. This means bad news for anyone in the fledgling market of Internet meme-based novelty items.


Q: Does his suit have merit?

A: That's a difficult legal question. From a copyright standpoint, it would appear not. The mugshot is a public domain image. However, the courts may side with Mr Tribett over the use of his face for another person's financial benefit without permission. Patrick isn't the first cliche to threaten legal action, if you recall Grampy's trouble with the Nutsack Squirrel. Thankfully, Drew has pledged his full support to any Farker that gets caught in this potential clusterfuck.

Q: Will you remove the Huffer from Cliche City?

A: Absolutely not. Unlike the original Cliche City, my recreation of Grampy's site does not contain a merchandise section. That means I in no way profit from Mr Tribett's image. I've updated the page to reflect his newly found sobriety and litigiousness. For the good of everyone involved (except maybe Tillman) let's hope Pat stays off the Krylon.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I want to close this edition of the Q&A by once again wishing Mr Tribett the best of luck in his sobriety. Our community will mourn the loss of such a prolific cliche (some of us more than others).

Stay tuned for more exclusionary sentiments from the Doctor!