Friday Q&A

Questionable Emulsion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. You might recall that last week's post detailed my disgust with our planet. In the wake of Earth Day, it's nice to see a big company like BP leading the charge against Mother Nature. Let's hope it's only part one of a much larger plan. This planet has been trying to kill our species since the caveman days, but only recently did we obtain the technology necessary to mount a sufficient counter-offensive.

Q: Why do you hate the Earth so much?

A: While it's true that I keep most of my best stuff on this planet, I've always harbored a deep-seated resentment towards nature. I'll be happy when we finally pave over the last of it. The situation in the Gulf of Mexico doesn't really bother me. True, that was our best Gulf, but you can't even use it without running into a swarm of jellyfish or cocaine smugglers.

Q: What about the Gulf Coast residents?

A: They'll just have to take one for the team. It's only a big deal for fishermen, and those guys are so stupid that they don't realize fish are available for sale in grocery stores. Duh, you don't have to go out in boats to get them any more. I prefer my fish in a can. Open it up and what's inside? Oil! See, they love it. You call it an ecological disaster, I call it free range sardines for everyone.

Q: How will the disaster effect Fark?

A: It gifts us with yet another hilarious tragedy to mock. It also severely limits the vacation options of those Farkers who reside on the Gulf Coast. But really guys, stop whining. First it was the hurricane, now this oil spill shit. Don't put up a bunch of offshore drilling platforms if you don't like the occasional oily pelican.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. I want to close this post by once again thanking BP for doing their part to subdue the natural environment. This disaster is a victory for anyone who harbors a pathological resentment towards sea birds due to a childhood pecking incident.

Stay tuned for more avian trauma from the Doctor!