Friday Q&A

Questionable Contamination

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Memorial Day edition of the Friday Q&A. I'd like to start by honoring America's veterans. Whether they served in Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf War, the Cola Wars, or the War of the Roses, these brave patriots deserve only the highest form of respect: not being blogged about by me.

Q: How are you celebrating Memorial Day weekend?

A: The good old-fashioned American way, of course. I won't go into too much detail, but it involves deep frying bacon whilst accidentally setting my neighbor's yard on fire. And like most Americans, I equate "national holiday" with "drink until belligerent." Hopefully I can find some time to Photoshop, because Fark's queue is finally picking up after several weeks of suck.

Q: Why did things suddenly get better?

A: There's really no way to tell, but I can't help but feel completely responsible. Clearly, things that I bitch about have a way of getting fixed. Perhaps I should turn my attention to the ongoing Gulf oil spill. I don't really consider that to be a disaster, but the constant media squawking about it has really started to wear thin.

Q: The oil spill isn't a disaster?

A: Hell no. It's just BP trying to solve America's energy crisis. I'll admit the approach is a bit hamfisted, but they are a British company after all. They're simply using a technique pioneered by us during the Boston Tea Party. Regardless of the delivery method, America's long-lamented dependence on foreign oil has just been solved. There's now plenty of domestic oil. It's practically everywhere! Head on down to the Gulf Coast with a pool skimmer, and you can snag enough petrol to keep your Hyundai running for at least a month. Though you may have to use some sort of strainer to filter out the dead sea birds.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to close this post by once again honoring America's Veterans. Please remember their heroic actions when you're puking on your neighbor's dog. I know I will.

Stay tuned for more unintentional regurgitation from the Doctor!