Friday Q&A

Questionable Supervision

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This award-eligible recurring feature takes a hard look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. Consider this series an ongoing investigation into the subject of why I'm better than you. It's not just because I shower regularly, though that probably does play a factor.

Q: Which tutorials are best for a beginner?

A: One thing I never recommend is the use of tutorials. They tend to subtract fun and mystery from the learning process. Real PSers learn by doing. You might have several large, expensive books on the subject of Photoshop. Throw them away! You wasted your money there, my friend. You can't learn Photoshop by reading a bunch of words. Hell, I can't read at all. Over the years, I've paid a series of friends, relatives, caseworkers and homeless people to transcribe my various rantings.

Q: What's the best way to get good at Photoshop?

A: As previously stated, real Photoshoppers learn by doing. Explore your image editing program of choice. Use valuable resources like the PSAEF and nascent Misfit Squirrels forum to fill any gaps in your knowledge. This process, along with my meager eight years of art school, has served me extremely well.

Q: Why don't you offer more Photoshop tips?

A: Mostly, I don't want anyone to get better than me. It would take a long shot for something like that to happen, but I didn't get where I am by taking chances. Over the years, I've witnessed many cliché hacks develop into solid competitors. Remember the Golden Rule of Fark Photoshop: everyone is a threat to your vote average. I treat our mutual hobby as a gentleman's sport, but only if I'm guaranteed to win 100% of the time.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. Don't feel bad about my illiteracy. Nowadays, books are only for scientists and obese teenagers. I actually had a computer program at one point that would read words off the screen, but I had to terminate my PC before it became self-aware. The last time something like that happened in 1997, all of the world's nukes got launched. We simply can't afford for such a blunder to happen again. Do you know how expensive nukes are? Besides, some parts of Los Angeles still haven't been rebuilt from the last Judgment Day.

Stay tuned for more urban renewal from the Doctor!