Friday Q&A

Questionable Resolution

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This regular feature explores areas of interest to Fark's Photoshop community. Past topics have included the death of Michael Jackson (I was against it), the Gulf oil spill (I was for it), and the 2012 Mayan Deathpocalypse (I'm trying to remain neutral on that one).

Q: How did those issues play out?

A: They all seem to have been resolved. Michael Jackson either was or was not reincarnated in a fashion similar to Brandon Lee's classic goth action film The Crow. Not having access to the exclusive cemetery that Jacko was buried in, there's really no way for me to be sure. However, I think it's pretty safe to assume that he's walking the Earth in a state of living death. Hell, he had been doing that since the 90's.

Q: The Gulf oil catastrophe was resolved?

A: Unfortunately, yes. BP's oil spill, simultaneously the most tragic and annoying to hit cable news in years, was recently capped by robots. I'm very disappointed that the free flow of oil to the American people was halted. Even worse, they stopped it before 100% of all ocean life was killed off. There's almost certainly some sharks and jellyfish left alive, so we'll have to wait for another spill before we can safely go swimming without fear of being stung or inadvertently becoming part of an over-hyped week on the Discovery channel.

Q: What about the impending Mayan death prophecy?

A: That damn prophecy has been looming for too long now. I'm going to save us a couple years by declaring that the ancient Mayans were probably just jerking us around. If they had truly been able to see into the future, then they would have had some prophecies to warn them about European explorers being a bunch of civilization-raping assholes. If you can't foresee smallpox, how am I supposed to take your word on the apocalypse?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Join me again next week for the Picture Clinic's third anniversary. I'm proud to be the industry standard in hate blogging, even if it's a little like being the best two dollar whore. The for the record, I've been told that I could charge as much as three dollars.

Stay tuned for more price increases from the Doctor!