Friday Q&A

Questionable Instigation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to the Friday Q&A. This regular feature takes a look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. Some people might think that I'm an opinionated jackass, but nothing could be further from the truth. I greet every visitor warmly, provided we agree with each other in every way. This week's edition will be examining the political influences on our community. As a formality, please sign this loyalty oath before continuing.

Q: Why are there so many political trolls on Fark?

A: Fark has always been a haven for trolls, but it tends to get a bit crowded during election season. For the most part, this partisan animosity stays confined to the political threads. Of which there are dozens. A veritable smorgasbord of trolling delight is made available to the average Farker, so I'm puzzled as to why their vitriol has begun to spill over into the Photoshop threads.

Q: Why has vitriol begun to spill over into the Photoshop threads?

A: Like I just said, I'm puzzled. This can generally be taken to mean that I don't know specifically why. There's likely many factors at work here. I've been seeing a lot of recently created accounts, which probably means fresh alts for our known roster of dickbags. Rumor has it that some assholes are even paid to troll Fark. Nice work if you can get it, especially in this economy.

Q: Where do I sign up?

A: That's what I would like to know. I can always use the extra income, as my Fabergé egg addiction has begun to get expensive in recent years. At any rate, the hardcore trolls seem to be smart enough to avoid the more stringent posting guidelines for Photoshop threads. However, it's true that some have been getting increasingly brazen in recent months. Nowadays, it's not unusual to see a contest devolve into a mass of text, simply because one moron stepped out of line.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'm glad we were able to have an open discussion of Fark's posting guidelines that didn't end with anyone drawing comparisons to fascism. Enjoy, it's probably the last one you'll see, at least until the election season ends.

Stay tuned for more apolitical sentiments from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Transition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Here at the Picture Clinic, I pride myself on consistency. I'm consistently right, and you're consistently a subhuman and moronic waste of life. The fact that people like you manage to survive is a slap in the face to the vaunted theory of evolution. I can only assume you've developed a hard shell or camouflage reflex to thwart predators.

Q: Have you figured out a way to fix Google?

A: If you had the displeasure of reading last week's column, you know that the functionality of Google Image Search was recently marred by an unpopular redesign. Instead of a neatly arranged grid, search results are now carelessly dumped in front of the user. Despite a massive public outcry, few fixes currently exist to permanently give you back the classic version of the search. As a temporary workaround, I've installed the Google Images (Classic) plug-in listed on this page.

Q: Why did Google see the need to improve their image search?

A: I see the change as an attempt to keep step with Bing, Google's top competitor. After all, how better to outfox your enemy than by becoming just like them in every way? America didn't win the War on Terror by having TSA agents grab my junk every time I go to the airport. We won it by launching cruise missiles into densely populated areas. This new image search is Google's own version of the Daisy Cutter.
Remember the 11th Commandment: Thou shalt take it up a notch
Q: Why does Google want to be like Bing?

A: No one really knows why Google seems determined make their site even more ugly and dysfunctional than the competition. It might be possible that Google is some sort of alien creature sent to kill and replace Microsoft. We may need to be on the lookout for suspicious pods. At any rate, the new image search fails for abandoning low-bandwidth users. Hopefully, the plug-in listed above will enable you to bypass this annoying new feature.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. It's important to note that many search alternatives exist. No one is forcing you to use Bing or Google, despite their competition to surreptitiously change your default engine through increasingly obtrusive toolbars. Yahoo and Lycos.com (site motto: Yes, we still exist!) are just two of many possible examples.

Stay tuned for more unpopular alternatives from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Suggestion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. As usual, I'm glad you're here. Even if you disagree with what I say, this is the time for us all to come together in a state of national unity. In the spirit of patriotism and goodwill, I want to temporarily extend an olive branch to my detractors. This isn't the time for petty bickering.

Q: Why the sudden change of heart?

A: Isn't it obvious? A huge blight has scarred the American way of life. I'm talking, of course, about the recent changes made to the search engine Google. In case you were completely oblivious, Google has been hard at work trying to make its user experience more ridiculous. You may recall my reaction to the first of these changes, a useless sidebar (cloned from competitor Bing).

Q: Are you going to rant about how you hate the new Instant feature?

A: I actually don't mind it that much. At least Instant can be turned off fairly easily. I'm much more alarmed about the new GIS. They changed to a horrible new format some weeks back, and I've been looking for a reliable way to turn it off permanently. A few methods exist, but I'm not particularly happy with any of them.

Q: What is your solution to the problem?

A: So far, the best workaround I've found for the GIS issue is to use another search engine. Finding a replacement can be tough, but there are alternatives. Bing is the obvious first choice, at least if you support corporate fascism. Yahoo is another option, at least their image search page has an a decent layout. I also recently discovered that Lycos.com is still active. Presumably, that site allows you to search for content exclusively from 1999 (the last time that engine was relevant).

That's all for this time, gentle reader. As usual, thanks for stopping by. I hope you didn't mind this brief diversion from the topic of Fark, but image searching is integral to creating a good Photoshop. I tried photographing all the sources myself, but it's a dangerous hobby these days. If you go around snapping pictures in our society, you eventually end up on some double-secret terrorist watch list.

Stay tuned for more infrequent flying from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Evaluation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I examine issues relating to Fark's Photoshop community. It's just my way of giving back without trying very hard. In life, as well as Photoshop, anything that requires effort is a complete waste of time. Sorry, architects of civilization. We're still just a bunch of primates, who invariably resort to flinging our shit at whatever we don't understand. This week, I'll be examining a topic that no one seems to understand: voting.

Q: How do you decide how to cast your vote?

A: It really depends on what I'm voting for. If it's a political election, I can be counted on to vote for whichever candidate uses the most eagles in their campaign advertisements. Those birds really are the best way to determine how patriotic a given politico is. If I ever run for office, I'll make sure my campaign ads are literally plastered with eagles. And none of those crappy bald ones. Each bird would have a miniature toupee grafted to its skull. The whole thing would be very tasteful.

Q: What about Fark voting?

A: Fark voting is a little bit different. For starters, eagles don't really play a factor in building voter confidence. I've developed my own system to evaluate contest entries, and it serves me well enough. If the image is one of my own creations, I definitely vote for it. I spread a few more votes around the thread, but I make sure they only get awarded to people who have never done anything to piss me of or threaten my average. That's an admittedly small number.

Q: Why do some people only vote for one entry per contest?

A: Because some people (most, actually) are idiots. They must think they're electing prom queen or something. I usually cast several votes per contest, depending on how many entries I've posted. The idea that one single image can ever be truly superior is preposterous. Unless of course, that image was crafted by me.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. It's very important for you not waste your vote. This isn't some shitty Presidential election, where we can get by on 15% turnout. We need a full compliment of Fark PSers voting in each contest, preferably for me.

Stay tuned for more vote whoring from the Doctor!