Fright Day Q&A

Questionable Contusion

Greetings, crickets and ghouls. Welcome to a special Halloween edition of the Q&A. I'm cooking up a spooky celebration of the season, so grab your trick or treat bag! Unless you live in my neighborhood, which apparently takes issue with a middle-aged Power Ranger making the rounds. What gives? I was just trying to feed my family.

Q: What's the scariest thing you saw this Halloween?

A: Probably some late-breaking news from the PSAEF. It involved the most terrifying phrase in web design: "big changes are coming." Any former Digg users can tell you, this is not what you want to hear in regards to your web community. As a veteran of the FAILtastic Fark redesign, it chills me to the bone. r.

Q: What kind of changes?

A: From what I can gather, it's a complete overhaul of the voting system. Instead of the current single option voting, users will soon be able to vote for an entry as either "best," "funniest," or "crap." You might remember a similar rumor that I discussed in April of last year. Back then, it lacked the latter option. I'm not sure who's bright idea it was to add "crap," but it's definitely the most upsetting decision I've seen come down the pipe.

Q: Why would anyone think it to be a good idea?

A: Brain damage? Your guess is as good as mine. I'm sure there will be an inevitable chorus of "you'll get over it." Honestly, I have my doubts. Recent events, like the demise of Digg, have shown that no good can come from alienating users. I sincerely hope that Drew reconsiders this regrettable idea.

That's all for this time, ghoulish reader. Have a happy Halloween. I hope the rumors discussed in this week's post has little or no basis in reality. Just keep in mind, we've heard of this before. That makes me think it's either in the works, or something Drew tells Photoshoppers to troll them.

Stay tuned for more unwanted changes from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Provocation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I take a look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. You might not always agree with me, but that's just because you're stupid. Keep reading and you just might learn something. Though like your 6th grade education, I doubt it will stick.

Q: Why do you hate your readers?

A: This baseless accusation is utterly ridiculous on its face. Only a moronic imbecile would form such a poorly-rendered assumption. I could never hate my readers. They're like my children! In fact, given that I hardly ever choke my readers or dangle them from high-rise balconies, you could say I love them even more than my children.

Q: Then what's with all the insults?

A: It's called tough love, dumbass. If I learned anything from court-mandated anger management therapy, it's that sometimes you have to get tough on the ones you love, and random strangers. Also, try not to bite your tongue when the police inevitably taser you.

Q: Aren't you afraid people will stop reading?

A: Absolutely not. The great thing about this blog is that most of my readership does so out of pathological obsession. I can say whatever I want, and go off topic for weeks at a time. I can even make pointless vanity posts where I congratulate myself for various feats of misanthropy. All things considered, it's been an extremely lucrative endeavor.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you found this post to be both entertaining and enlightening. If not, go back and try rereading it. Only this time don't just skip over the multisyllabic words.

Stay tuned for more suggested comprehension from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Reunion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I take a look at the issues that other Fark bloggers are too afraid, or non-existent, to face. The opinions expressed here are provided to you as a courtesy, so that you have some insight into how a non-syphilitic brain functions.

Q: Has your favorite Photoshopper ever left Fark?

A: No, I never have. See what I did there? Because I'm my favorite Photoshopper. But narcissistic personality disorders aside, there have been many great pixel pushers who have disappeared over the years. Some were my friends, whilst others were before my time.

Q: Where did these people go?

A: Life has a funny habit of getting in the way. A wide range of excuses have been given by these retiring Photoshoppers, from familial obligations to this thing called "work." Thankfully, the economic crisis brought an end to much of the latter. The former, however, continues to take out good 'shoppers in their prime. We may need to recruit more loveless loners into our ranks.

Q: Does anyone ever come back?

A: All the time. Photoshopping is truly an addiction, and few can resist the urge for long. I'm always glad to welcome back these returning veterans. Their absence is often cited as proof of some mass exodus due to Fark's decline. There is no singular reason the various members of our Golden Age pantheon dropped off. Work, family, even a couple of freak outs. Regardless of why, try to keep a perspective that Photoshopping is a hobby.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I want to close this post by once again offering my sincere appreciation to all returning veterans. Time marches on without these people, but familiar names hearken to the past.
Except for TheSniperZERO
Stay tuned for more Farking nostalgia from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Expiration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me again, as I take a look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. For as long as I can clearly remember, this blog has been a paragon of respectability and forward-thinking debate. Anyone who says otherwise is a treasonous asshole, one whom should be hated and scorned.
ideally, hate-scorned
Q: What happened to the Scutinizer's replacement?

A: Development seems to have halted on the Photoshop Contest Archive Project. We were told the completion of it would be more of a long term deal, though initial strides were promising. Not having an archive site has crippled our community, so I truly hope someone is able help soon.

Q: Will Mr Squirrel ever fix the Scrutinizer?

A: The odds in favor of that happening are not good. Part of me still wants to believe that Mr Squirrel will return to fix things. Of course, I also believed in Santa Claus at one point in my life. Once I got to college, I pretty much figured things out. Likewise, the writing is on the wall regarding the Scrutinizer's fate. Even before it broke completely, it hadn't displayed a correct date for several months.

Q: Why doesn't Fark keep track of our stats?

A: I've been asking this question for a long time. Most other Photoshop contest sites keep track of a user's contributions and statistics. It can be argued that Fark isn't a dedicated PS site. The contests are actually a secondary component of the user experience, the primary I guess is arguing about politics with multiple alts. This is true to a large extent, but it would be much easier for Fark to set up something that scrapes its own content than it would be for us to set up another (and another, and another) of these archive sites. They only last as long as their creator's interest.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Don't let the current Dark Age of Photoshop get you down (unless you disagree with me about anything, in which case feel free to rot in a chasm of despair). It may not have been implicitly stated before, but I am an expert on all subjects, most especially the subject of determining when I am an expert at things. My months of training to be a doctor have taught me to trust my gut instincts, which tell me everything is probably going to be fine. Or not.

Stay tuned for more ambiguous predictions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Examination

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. In today's post, we'll be taking a look at some of Fark's most popular cliche images. As a certified expert on the subject of Internet memes, I enjoy tracking the viral spread of humor. My tenure as caretaker of Cliche City has given me some unique insight into the appeal of these pictures that are so frequently seen around Fark.

Q: What is the most popular Fark cliche?

A: The answer might surprise you. We've all seen the classic Paint Huffer mugshot used thousands of times, but Pat Tribbet's image is by no means the most popular. His continued love of inhalants assures him a top spot in the pantheon of Fark cliches, but he isn't what people are coming to Cliche City for. That honor belongs to the Black Baby Head image originated by Kerouac555.


Q: What brought you to this conclusion?

A: All I had to do was take a look at the Cliche City stats. That site gets a lot of traffic, mainly by way of Google search queries. Guess who is at the top of the list? It doesn't matter if you look at the weekly, monthly or all time stats, the little black kid wins by a landslide. Suck it, haters.

Pops to larger, or you could buy a decent sized monitor, you cheap asshole.

The only real competition comes from the Beatles and Abbey Road. Even combined, they still don't come close to BBH, as both the singular and plural forms of "black baby" appear on every list. And whilst some searchers may not be looking for our BBH in particular, he's the one they end up using. I see it as a bit of redemption for the image's originator, who notably made himself a pariah in the process of birthing that meme.

Q: Isn't BBH still considered to be a forced meme?

A: It's true that many Farkers don't consider him to be a real cliche. Kerouac555's incessant use of BBH was a huge point of contention amongst people with nothing better to argue about. I've always enjoyed the image, if for no other reason than because it pisses off a certain stuffy subset of our community. We're free to post whatever we like in the contests, so kindly STFU. At this point, I think we're past the argument of whether or not BBH is a real cliche. As previously stated, the stats don't lie.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. If you disagree with the views and opinions expressed in this blog, please feel free to register your displeasure in the comment section. I'd much rather mock you for your awkward attempts at trolling than your utter cowardice in the face of someone who is much smarter than you.

Stay tuned for more obvious flamebait from the Doctor!