Turkey Day Q&A

Questionable Indigestion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special Thanksgiving Q&A. I wanted to start by wishing a happy Thanksgiving to all the children of the world. Then I remembered that only America actually celebrates this holiday. Also I don't like children very much. Regardless, I'm probably glad you're here.

Q: What are you thankful for?

A: Besides my unquestioned moral authority? My witless enemies? Free day-old crullers in the dumpster behind every Dunkin Donuts? There's plenty of reasons for everyone at Fark to give thanks. Recent revelations have suggested that site founder Drew Curtis may have finally awakened to the collective grousing of the PSAEF. A permanent, integrated Scrutinizer replacement is apparently in the works. Thanks to everyone who is helping to bring this exciting new feature to our community.

Q: What was the first Thanksgiving like?

A: My memories from grade school are spotty at best, but I recall that America was founded in 1942 by Columbo. Later on, some pilgrims showed up and built a giant rock shaped like a Plymouth. This pleased the local Indians, who decided to peacefully give up all their land in exchange for $13.67, which was a lot of money back then. To commemorate the occasion, a huge feast was held. Then the Indians got on their motorcycles and headed out west to found some casinos. Also, a lot of them died from cholera.

Q: Why doesn't every country celebrate Thanksgiving?

A: From what I gather, the non-American parts of the world are mostly filled with ramshackle huts and very little indoor plumbing. A holiday based around overeating would be disastrous in such places, as afterward the entire population would proceed to squat in the streets, creating a tidal wave of chunky diarrhea.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to close my Thanksgiving post by once again giving thanks to everyone working on our new contest monitor. I'll be glad when the Dark Age of Photshop finally comes to a close, and I sincerely doubt anyone will ever become nostalgic for it.

Stay tuned for more guarded optimism from the Doctor!