Friday Q&A

Questionable Commercialization

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This regularly occurring feature focuses on Fark's Photoshop community. Some of you might not be aware, but Christmas is almost upon us. Maybe you're like me, and have been desperately trying to tune out the holiday season since the day after Halloween, when retailers set out the their chintzy Yuletide decorations. Let incessant bell-ringing from religious panhandlers be the clarion call that throttles you into action.

Q: Why the sense of urgency?

A. Christmas is right around the corner, and you only have a limited amount of time to search out whatever perfect gift will justify for your loved ones having to put up with you on a daily basis. What that item is specifically will depend on the person. You'll find that people love to speak in code. For example, your kids may have been asking for that new video game where you get to rape your opponent's eye sockets. Clearly, this is a desperate cry for some new wool socks. Maybe your aunt Beatrice has been complaining that her feet get cold while she's watching TV. Obviously, she's telling you she needs a subscription to the Jelly of the Month club. If you don't have kids or an aunt Beatrice, good for you. You're off the hook for buying presents this year.

Q: When do you do your shopping?

A: Personally, I don't shop anymore. I see it as a job for my underlings. Of course, not everyone has the option of letting their Ecuadorian maid buy all the Christmas gifts. You might be able to get by with a Guatemalan or Jamaican maid, but be prepared to deal with fuck ups. Please note that regardless of nationality, they will become upset if you fail to reimburse them. Just say they broke a lamp and take it out of their pay.

Q: Have you ever seen a Christmas ghost?

A: I'm glad you asked, because I needed a third question to round out the Q&A. It just so happens that I was once visited by three spirits on Christmas eve. They told me I should change my evil ways, and even suggested that I start paying my employees with actual money. Luckily, this happened during the mid 1980's, and I was able to promptly dispatch the Ghostbusters to the scene. That trio of preachy holiday phantoms were no match for a backpack-mounted particle accelerator.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Regardless of your beliefs, I hope you have a happy holiday season. Whether you gather around the Christmas tree or the Hanukkah bush, here's hoping your family shares the most love money can buy.

Stay tuned for more season's greetings from the Doctor!