Friday Q&A

Questionable Consternation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This weekly feature serves as a spotlight of sorts for my insane rantings, some of which are tangentially related to Fark's Photoshop community. Thanks for joining me once again. As National Vote Whore Month draws to a close, I'd like to take some time in today's post to reflect upon the damage done.

Q: What kind of damage did NVWM cause?

A: The kind of vast, widespread, catastrophic damage that can only be detected by someone who has intimate knowledge of the inner-workings of our community, and is also kind of a dick. Once again, I'm the right guy for the job! By default perhaps, but it's an impressive feat nonetheless. Maybe you're still confused about what exactly a vote whore is. Well, the term is defined as pretty much anyone who ever entered a Fark contest.

Q: Am I a vote whore?

A: You want the votes, don't you? You don't enable voting by accident, and neither did any of the Golden Age Photoshoppers whom everyone salivates over in wistful contemplation of bygone days. These are contests, and they have winners. But the only real losers are people who let their inexplicable need to control others poison what can be an otherwise enjoyable hobby. If you don't like the crap, rise above it. Don't wallow around in the muck and complain about how much it stinks.

Q: How can anyone hope defeat a cliche?

A: I think the first step is to not suck at Photoshop. This is probably a big leap for some of you. When you think about it, though, it kind of makes sense. You'll never be able to stop every single person from posting a crappy entry. Even if you ran off a few idiots, more would soon arrive to fill the vacuum. What you can do is focus on your own work. If everyone did that, we'd be pretty well off. Of course, this is harder than just bitching about things.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to offer TheSniperZERO my sincerest apologies for not taunting him more in this post. It's just that he's such a tedious person to focus on, I thought I'd break up the monotony a bit. I'll get back to mocking him in earnest next week, by which time I'm sure he will have left at least a dozen spam comments in a desperate plea for attention.

Stay tuned for more accurate predictions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Reconsideration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I take a look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. Thanks for joining me again. I'm glad you're here, even if your opinions have been devastatingly malnourished by ignorance. Think of this blog as a sumptuous intellectual buffet. I know I do.

Q: Why did TheSniperZERO undergo a sudden personality change?

A: Some of my more astute readers may have picked up on certain subtle differences in the way our resident asshole TSZ interacts with the rest of the site. This is by design. I got to thinking, why would anyone give a shit about what that miserable goat-fucker has to say? I've grown weary of his utterly transparent attempts at trolling, and I'm sure you have as well.

Q: Did the two of you reach an understanding?

A: I suppose you could say that. Or you could say the more accurate thing, which is that I've been editing TheSniperZERO's pithy witticisms to insure they contain at least a measure of pith and/or wit. I've resisted doing this kind of thing in the past, but that was before I realized how much it pisses him off.

Q: Wasn't the Clinic supposed to be a bastion of free speech?

A: NO. Well, maybe for me, but not for every random asshole. Like I said before, if anyone cared to read TSZ's hackneyed tripe, they probably would have tuned in to his blog more often than never. I realize he feels like it's his duty to inform me that I'm wasting my time, but those words come across as rather hollow when spoken by the same fool who has been trolling this blog in various uncreative ways since day one.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to take some time here at the end to once again taunt TheSniperZERO, who is stupid and bad at Photoshop. Let's all hope he stops by the comment section to extrude some more of his patented vitriol. I can't wait to see what he has to say.
There's a new Doctor in town.
Stay tuned for more feigned surprise from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Motivation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This regular feature takes a look at Fark's Photoshop community. As usual, I'm glad you're here. Especially if you're my old nemesis TheSniperZERO, the closest thing this blog has to a villain. Luckily, he's of the bungling comical variety of evildoer, more Home Alone burglar than Jason Voorhees.

Q: Why do you keep taunting TheSniperZERO?

A: I know it may seem a bit churlish at this point, so I'd like to propose a compromise. I'll stop mocking TheSniperZERO when he stops being an unrepentant dick. It's always humorous when someone tries to paint themselves as the bad guy, then proceed to cry like a bitch when they receive comeuppance for their miserable actions.

Q: Why has contest participation increased?

A: It would seem that our community's luck has changed. A few recent threads have seen very strong turnout, in both participation and voters. A few misguided individuals have attributed this surge to the nascent FPC Leaderboard. It's just as well that they don't suspect the horrible truth, which involved dark pagan rituals and the handling of more goat's blood than I would care to remember. We should be pretty well fixed until the next solstice.

Q: Is this the beginning of a new Golden Age?

A: Let's not get ahead of ourselves, I doubt there's enough goat's blood in the world to resurrect Fark's Golden Age as it is so often glamorized. And besides, most people can't even afford a golden shower in this economy. I've got my fingers crossed in hopes of a tinfoil age. Then at least I can use it to wrap up some leftovers.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to close this post by once again taunting TheSniperZERO, whom I invite to deface my comments section in his usual puerile, asinine and utterly transparent style.

Stay tuned for more justifiable defamation from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Inundation

Greetings crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This weekly feature takes a look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. I hope everyone's 2011 is off to a great start. There's just something about the promise of a new year! It's a feeling of rebirth, like when you burn your business down for the insurance money. A clean slate, assuming you reminded your janitor to take the night off.

Q: What's the latest threat to our community's survival?

A: Like most threats, it comes from within. I'm talking, of course, about National Vote Whore Month. During this insidious annual tradition, PSers fill their contest entries with gratuitous boobs and cliches. Like most fun activities on Fark, it only took about 15 seconds for the trolls to get worked up about it and start stamping their feet in protest.

Q: What is a vote whore?

A: By definition, a vote whore is anyone who gets more votes than you. If you've ever been beaten in a contest by anyone, needless to say, that person is no better than a filthy prostitute. They only created their image to get votes, unlike you, who created it to break artistic boundaries and also get votes.

Q: When will NVWM end?

A: That's the scary part. No one really knows! There are some who think it will peter out after about four weeks. However, other people say that National Vote Whore Month has been going for the last five years, and shows no sign of letting up. We'll just have to ride it out. If you need me, I'll be in my beautiful woman-proof bunker (aka: my basement).

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to close this post by personally taunting TheSniperZERO, who surfaced again predictably in last week's comment section. He's like a turd who won't stay flushed. Which is ironic, as I'm told he eats his own shit and therefore does not actually make use of a toilet.

Stay tuned for more fecalphilic allegations from the Doctor!

New Year's Day Q&A

Questionable Imposition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to the first Q&A of 2011. As you're no doubt aware, I like to get my new year off to a good start. Usually by insulting anyone who disagreed with me in the previous one. If this applies to you, please note that your opinions are invalid and your mother is a whore.

Q: What are your resolutions for this year?

A: Resolutions are for imperfect people. As I've previously stated, my judgment and moral compass are above reproach. I see no reason to deviate from my previous course of action, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't make some changes in your own miserable routine. After all, I think we've already established that I'm much better than you.



Q: How do you ring in the new year?

A: My annual New Year's bash, where I invite everyone who has wronged me to party down and have a good time whilst being chained up in my basement. If you didn't get your invitation, it's probably just because the post office had trouble forwarding your mail to the correct homeless shelter.

Q: What are you thankful for this year?

A: Mainly that all those doom prophecies concerning the destruction of our community were greatly exaggerated. By some people's account, you'd think Fark Photoshop was as brittle as glass. Everything is a threat, from cliches to the voters themselves. The only real threat to Fark comes from those who would limit our creative freedom, whether by barring the use of an idea they don't like, or by shaming someone who doesn't live up to their particular standards of excellence.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Please accept my best wishes for a happy new year. I value your readership, even if you're only stopping by to see TheSniperZERO and I call each other cunts. Which reminds me, TSZ, you're a huge cunt. All your angst highlights the fact that you haven't had a fresh idea in your miserable life.

Stay tuned for more direct mocking from the Doctor!