Friday Q&A

Questionable Indignation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This regular feature takes a look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. It also answers the immortal question: how much can one blog irritate TheSniperZERO? It turns out, a lot.

Q: Why do you hate TheSniperZERO?

A: This is a common misconception. I most certainly don't hate TSZ. I might regularly lampoon his inferior attempts to troll my blog, but that doesn't mean I hold any ill will towards him whatsoever. His rage has kept me well entertained these past few years. I'll never understand why he wants to be the villain of Fark Photoshop, but we couldn't ask for a more cartoonish foe to fill that role.

Q: What about all the people he shit on?

A: I consider many of those people to be my friends, but they're adults and can stand up for themselves. What's more, just about everyone on his shit list went on to be talented and successful. I'm sure he tries to rationalize his behavior by taking credit for spurring their development, but I think they mostly got better in spite of him.

Q: So are you going to stop mocking TSZ?

A: Hell no! Why do you think I set up this blog in the first place? I'll stop mocking TheSniperZERO when he stops being a complete fucktard, which we all know will never happen. I just wanted to give a little clarification to my other readers. Now back to your regularly scheduled hate blog.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'm glad I had a chance to clear up some of the common misconceptions about my hatred of TSZ. It's really more of a deep-seated loathing. Hopefully, we can now steer the topic of conversation away from this sad individual.

Stay tuned for more unwarranted mercy from the Doctor!

President's Day Q&A

Questionable Aggregation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special President's Day weekend edition of the Q&A. Four score and seven years ago, we had nothing to fear but fear itself. We also had the additional fear of remembering both Lincoln and Washington's birthdays. Seeing that the American people were burdened with too many days off, and fearing an influx of more (should any other President ever turn out to be worth a shit) our benevolent government hit upon the brilliant idea of combining the Presidential birthdays into one holiday of spectacular savings. After all, what's more American than getting 15% off the purchase of a Japanese car?

Q: Is there more to President's Day than a bunch of sales?

A: I honestly don't remember. This may or may not be one of the ones where we grill a bunch of red meat and frivolously shoot explosive ordinance into the sky. I would bet on it, as most of the non-religious American holidays are that way. We do like our grilled meat and explosives.

Q: Who is your favorite President?

A: There can only be one answer to this question. He's a man deeply steeped in myth and legend. A patriot and scholar, he's the only President to also have served as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. If you don't know that I'm talking about William Howard Taft, there's a good chance that you may be an uneducated idiot. Good luck with that.

Q: What makes Taft so great?
He put a bathtub in the White House.
A: I thought you'd never ask. Taft was our largest President, weighing a massive 332 pounds. An avid baseball fan, his extreme bulk is rumored to have created the 7th Inning Stretch. This rumor, like most things you hear about Presidents, is probably not true. Regardless, it beats the hell out of saving the Union, or chopping down a cherry tree. Taft also knew when to leave office, specifically after he suffered the soundest defeat in American history. Give me a one term President any day. I don't care if you're Elvis Christ, watching you on the news for eight years is going to get tedious.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Have a great holiday weekend. And while you're shooting off your fireworks and grilling your meat, do try to have some respect for the office of the Presidency. These are the Presidents who fought and died for our freedom. The Presidents who stormed the beaches at Normandy. Give them the solemn reverence they deserve, should we never forget.

Stay tuned for more confused patriotism from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Revitalization

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I explore issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. Thanks for joining me once again. I'm glad you're here. Assuming you agree with me about Photoshop, of course. But only a big, stupid moron with no sense of humor (and an ugly haircut) could possibly disagree with me about anything. On that note, I'd also like to welcome TheSniperZERO.

Q: Have we entered a new Golden Age?

A: The problem with Golden Ages is that you never know you were in one until it ends. Then, some windy old fusspot is tasked with the responsibility of informing everyone that Fark is dead. Those types have been mercifully silent in recent weeks, thanks to the hard work of some innovative Farkers. The new Leaderboard and Contest Browser have spurred competition amongst some of our community's most talented veterans, and a steady stream of good themes and artistic "O" submissions have inspired many new challengers to enter the fray.

Q: What makes this Golden Age different from the previous ones?

A: I think the obvious difference is that unlike previous Golden Ages, this one abuts the most loathsome era in our site's history: The Dark Age of Photoshop. Even the mildest of improvements are going to be noticeable when compared to that clusterfuck of awfulness. For several months, our community was without a proper Leaderboard/Scrutinizer. Additionally, there weren't nearly as many good contests in the queue as there seem to be now. Even worse, people didn't practice basic hygiene like showering. At least, I didn't.

Q: How can we preserve this new gilded age?

A: Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be possible. I'm sure some embittered loser is already making his own dire prognostications. Just for fun, let me try to beat mister stick-in-the-mud doomsayer to the punch. "Blah blah blah cliches. Blah blah blah low voter turnout. Things were so much better in the distant past! Something something the Paint Huffer." Not my best prose, but I think it fits the theme.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to close this post by praising TheSniperZERO for shutting the hell up. Good move, TSZ. I don't particularly care what you have to say on the subject of anything. Neither does anyone else on the Internet, for that matter.

Stay tuned for more honest truth from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Gratification

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A, your source for Fark-based rumor and innuendo. I'm glad you joined me again, even if your compulsion to do so is rooted in some kind of severe mental imbalance. The more the merrier! This week, I'll be taking a look at an exciting new addition to our community, which many of us have been requesting for years.

Q: They're going to start paying us!?

A: Unfortunately not. The economy is still in the crapper, remember? We'll be lucky if Drew doesn't sell the site to pay his gambling debts. I'm referring to a feature that incorporates a bit of the Leaderboard's functionality into Fark itself. This newly-minted Contest Browser seems quite similar to what many of us have been requesting.

Q: What purpose will this new feature serve?

A: It remains to be seen how the community will make use of this new feature. Photoshoppers will no doubt use it to keep track of which threads have hit the main page. I'm also hoping the browser will serve to draw more viewers into the contests. I'll be monitoring the stats to see if there's any impact.

Q: Why can't we just use the Leaderboard?

A: It's important for Fark itself to do the jobs that various satellites like the Scrutinizer and Leaderboard have been forced to perform. These sites, no matter how well-built, are inexorably tied to their creators. The whole thing falls apart when that person walks away. We've seen it happen several times already, and there's no reason to think the Leaderboard is immune. These changes are necessary to prevent another Dark Age of Photoshop like the one we experienced last year.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to offer my sincere apologies to TheSniperZERO, whose scheduled mockery was cut from this edition in favor of actual news. I sure hope nothing happens next week, because I can't wait to get back to annoying TSZ.

Stay tuned for more planned aggravation from the Doctor!