Friday Q&A

Questionable Jollification

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome a special after thanksgiving edition of the Q&A. I'm thankful you stopped by, provided you agree with me and never question my opinions. Thanksgiving has to be one of the greatest holidays ever conceived, after Christmas, Halloween, President's Day, Vice-President's Day, and the Day of the Dead.

Q: Why doesn't the rest of the world celebrate Thanksgiving?

A: True to form, the rest of the world continues to spit in the face of the USA. Who are they to question the actions of our brave Pilgrims, who fought and died so that you could eat a disproportionately large amount of turkey? Someone should get a petition together and make the rest of the world start celebrating Thanksgiving. These colors don't run. We should also sue Canada for holiday infringement because of their ripoff Thanksgiving in October.

Q: Can you share the story of the first Thanksgiving?

A: This really is the kind of thing they should be teaching you in school. But very well. Once upon a time, the Pilgrims set sail for the new world. They had big dreams of forging a new way of life in the harsh wilderness. Where everyone would be free to be forced to worship their scowling interpretation of the Lord. Life was hard in the New World, and the first year took a heavy toll on these devoutly religious new citizens. Luckily some friendly Indians invited the Pilgrims into their casino and taught them the mysteries of planting corn (you have to bury the seeds and pour water on them). The Pilgrims were forever grateful, and responded by going on to only decimate most of the native population.

Q: What about Black Friday?

A: Black Friday nicely balances the sappy goodwill and togetherness of Thanksgiving with some good old fashioned elbowing and Grandma face-punching. A holiday wherein poorly manufactured electronics are priced so low that people injure each other in an attempt to secure the items for purchase. Nothing could be more American than that. The annual trampling and maiming deaths are just part of circle of me getting a cheap laptop.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Now that we've gotten Thanksgiving and Grandma Trampling Day out of the way, I'm looking forward to beginning the Christmas season in earnest. It's time to put my time saving plan of having left the decorations up all year long into play.

Stay tuned for more holiday efficiency from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Reorganization

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This weekly look into the world of Fark Photoshop through the lens of a clearly insane person has been a fixture in our community for several years. This week, I'll be taking a look at the preliminary effectiveness of some recent changes made to the contest structure.

Q: How much do you hate the changes?

A: I'm actually pretty fond of them. That might seem illogical, for as a blogger I am sworn to hate everything. However, the scheduling changes needed to be made. Creating persistent time slots for the contests to go live has given the queue a bit of stability that it had been lacking in recent years.

Q: Has participation increased?

A: Looking for some kind of skyrocketing increase this early on in the implementation would be ridiculous. These are the kind of changes that take years to show actual growth. What I'm looking for, realistically, is any sign of leveling off to the decline in participation we had previously been experiencing. Turnout seems to be fairly consistent throughout the week, with it occasionally spiking for a particularly good contest or dipping for a lousy one. So far, it looks as if there's no true "best" time slot, but you still don't want to get stuck going live on the weekend, especially Sunday.

Q: How can we shore up the weekend losses?

A: There are two barriers to our success: the standard work week and organized religion, especially the ones who pester their respective sky wizards on Sunday. People aren't viewing contests on the weekend, because they are home from work and doing other things that interest them (numismatism, kite flying, building mоdels of 16th century prisons, reenacting The Great Gatsby with an all squirrel cast, praying to various sky wizards, etc). So, all we need to to is tear down any and all institutions of organized religion, and destroy all forms of leisure activity. Don't worry, there will be plenty of time to mess around with Photoshop when you're supposed to be working.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'll be closely watching the contests over the next few months to see if these scheduling changes bear fruit. Unless I get distracted by other leisure activities (historical recreation, wine tasting, macrame, glue sniffing, taxidermy. etc). We'll just have to see.

Stay tuned for more potential distractions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Sensation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I examine issues related to Fark's Photoshop community. This time, I'll be giving you a rare inside look at my creative process. Be warned, you might not want to look directly at my creative process, in fact you'd be well served in shielding your eyes like you would during an eclipse.

Q: Do you use a Wacom or a mouse?

A: Any serious Photoshopper will tell you that a Wacom stylus is a necessity for image mangling. This is because most serious Photoshoppers have been paid off by the Wacom corporation to help move several warehouses filled with unsold Bamboo Funs. No one wants to tell the ugly truth: your newly-purchased Wacom will most likely gather dust, while you continue to use the mouse. Or trackball, if you're stuck in 1993.

Q: What use are Wacoms best suited for?

A: Like I already said, they have a flat surface that's great for gathering dust. And the stylus pen is small enough that it will easily become lost in between the times that you actually use it. I have made good use of mine for detail work, but the process of retraining my hand to use the stylus instead of the mouse was something that I never took to.

Q: What is the future of Photoshop peripheral devices?

A: Hopefully not stuff that requires you to use your hands like a cavemen. There are many technologies currently in use by disabled people that could be easily repurposed for individuals who are just really, really lazy. I'm eager to see what the future brings. Unless it brings stuff like authoritarian police states and robotic overlords. In which case I will likely throw my disused Wacom at them whilst I attempt a courageous retreat.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed this excitingly informative look at the world of Photoshopping peripherals. Maybe it will inspire you to dust off that old trackball, or to pour dust onto your Wacom. Be forewarned, doing so most likely voids the warranty.

Stay tuned for more maintenance suggestions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Rejuvenation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special after-Halloween edition of the Q&A. This week, we're going to play a fun game called "don't agitate the Doctor's hangover". The festivities for last week's celebration were a complete success. A little bit too much of a success. I've decided to stay in bed until Thanksgiving arrives, and I can hopefully get some decent cobbler.

Q: Why do people drink so much on Halloween?

A: That holiday suffers from the law of diminishing returns once you start to get older. Tons of free candy doesn't seem like enough of a justification to don a cheap mask made from lead-bearing extruded plastic. Especially when all of the candy comes in so-called "fun size", which is apparently less than a third of normal size. As we grow into adults, it becomes a game of consuming large amounts of alcohol and leering at women in overtly-sexual costumes. Still sub par compared to the prospect of free candy, but it's a start.

Q: How do you get rid of a hangover?

A: Hangovers rarely strike me due to my intense medical training and knowledge of human physiology. I know, for example, that a woman's menstrual cycle is actually a sign of demonic possession. I know that laughter is the best medicine, after Vicodin. I know to drink somewhere between zero to 100 glasses of water a day. And most importantly, I know that if you have a headache THIS BIG, it has Excedrin written all over it. Or more likely, some horrible store brand knockoff that tastes like chalk.

Q: Does binge drinking help your creative process?

A: As a Photoshopper, I'm always looking for new ways to get my creative mojo working. My years spent as a medical professional have taught me that the human brain is a complex and beautiful thing, which needs to be drowned in mind-numbing intoxicants at all times. It's bound to give you a few good ideas, but I would strongly recommend you suppress any impulses to punch cops and eat at Arby's. That never ends well.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. It looks like I've got a lot of work ahead of me if I want to get my place cleaned up in time for next year's Halloween. Actually, I might leave things the way they are until I can borrow a ladder to get those puke stains off the ceiling.

Stay tuned for more home improvements from the Doctor!