Friday Q&A

Questionable Jollification

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome a special after thanksgiving edition of the Q&A. I'm thankful you stopped by, provided you agree with me and never question my opinions. Thanksgiving has to be one of the greatest holidays ever conceived, after Christmas, Halloween, President's Day, Vice-President's Day, and the Day of the Dead.

Q: Why doesn't the rest of the world celebrate Thanksgiving?

A: True to form, the rest of the world continues to spit in the face of the USA. Who are they to question the actions of our brave Pilgrims, who fought and died so that you could eat a disproportionately large amount of turkey? Someone should get a petition together and make the rest of the world start celebrating Thanksgiving. These colors don't run. We should also sue Canada for holiday infringement because of their ripoff Thanksgiving in October.

Q: Can you share the story of the first Thanksgiving?

A: This really is the kind of thing they should be teaching you in school. But very well. Once upon a time, the Pilgrims set sail for the new world. They had big dreams of forging a new way of life in the harsh wilderness. Where everyone would be free to be forced to worship their scowling interpretation of the Lord. Life was hard in the New World, and the first year took a heavy toll on these devoutly religious new citizens. Luckily some friendly Indians invited the Pilgrims into their casino and taught them the mysteries of planting corn (you have to bury the seeds and pour water on them). The Pilgrims were forever grateful, and responded by going on to only decimate most of the native population.

Q: What about Black Friday?

A: Black Friday nicely balances the sappy goodwill and togetherness of Thanksgiving with some good old fashioned elbowing and Grandma face-punching. A holiday wherein poorly manufactured electronics are priced so low that people injure each other in an attempt to secure the items for purchase. Nothing could be more American than that. The annual trampling and maiming deaths are just part of circle of me getting a cheap laptop.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Now that we've gotten Thanksgiving and Grandma Trampling Day out of the way, I'm looking forward to beginning the Christmas season in earnest. It's time to put my time saving plan of having left the decorations up all year long into play.

Stay tuned for more holiday efficiency from the Doctor!