Friday Q&A

Questionable Incantation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A, your source for all the hearsay and conjecture that's fit to print. Like a lot of bloggers, I long ago realized that the truth is what I make it. But unlike a lot of bloggers, I know you're not interested in whether or not I cut the crust off my peanut butter sandwiches (yes), or what my position on government is (burn it). So I try to stay on target as much as possible without getting bogged down with a bunch of talk about my day (it was lovely, thanks for asking).

Q: How can I win at Photoshop?

A: Throughout the years, many have sought to give themselves a competitive edge in Fark.com's Photoshop contests. What some might call "practice" and "effort", I call blatant cheating. If one person actually spends time working on their entry, then we'll all have to start doing it. Thankfully, these busybodies are rarely rewarded for their actions. They are usually the ones you see crying over their hard work going ignored.

Q: Doesn't practice breed perfection?

A: Indeed it does, but perfection does not necessarily guarantee success, especially in the shoot from the hip world of Fark Photoshop. There, it's not so much about dazzling the voters with your skills, it's more about creating a connection with them. This is why references to cliches do so well. People say "I remember that" and vote for it. Not a glamorous path to victory, but Fark contests are one of the few places where the ends justify the means. Or in this case, the memes.

Q: How can I shed unwanted perfection?

A: This is the hard part. I suggest lots of rot-gut liquor to calm your nerves. If you're still having problems, your best bet is going to be some kind of voodoo and/or hoodoo. The Black Arts are not usually used for self-sabotage, but it should work in a pinch. You don't have to sacrifice a chicken, but keep in mind that there are plenty of image manglers unafraid to spill some blood, especially if it gives them a better chance of attaining a brief moment of recognition in a Fark contest.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed this quick primer on how to possibly gain a slight edge at Photoshop, whilst simultaneously losing all self-respect, which I think we can agree is a creative barrier that simply must be knocked down. Possibly by calling upon cheap spirits or dark forces who could potentially devour your immortal soul. Assuming such things actually exist.

Stay tuned for more arcane superstition from the Doctor!