Gameday Q&A

Questionable Interception

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special Superbowl edition of the Q&A. The teams are ready. The grass on the field glistens with the fresh dew of a new morn, or if it's astroturf, has at least been vacuumed. At this point I am contractually obligated to ask, are you ready for some football?

Q: Are you excited about the big game?

A: I'll admit, I don't normally follow football (or as it's known abroad, American soccer), but you just can't help getting swept up in the excitement over famed quarterback Tim T-bone. I understand he won't be playing for either team, but there's talk of him fighting Madonna to the death during her half time performance for being such a blasphemous slut. The teams that actually are playing have a storied rivalry, and I should probably go Google their names at some point.

Q: Who's your pic for this year's Superbowl champ?

A: Tim Teeball by 100 points. No, 200 points! With God on his side, there's nothing he can't achieve! If there's one thing the Almighty cares about, it's fixing the scores of professional sporting events. That must be why we have so many plagues and disasters in the third world. God is too busy making sure the Broncos cover the spread. He would have been better off picking an easier task, like making a rock so big even he couldn't lift it.

Q: Do you have any tips for the opposing teams?

A: They don't need my help. As previously stated, all professional sporting events are rigged by either God or Satan himself. Since the Patriots are playing, you can assume Satan has this one locked down. Personally, I hope God stays out of it for once. The last thing we need in 2012 is a battle between Good and Evil. At least not so early in the year.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Have an awesome Superbowl Sunday. I'd like to digress for a moment here at the end, so that I can offer my appreciation to i-dig for his tireless work in helping build our community. I'm sorry the powers that be wouldn't listen to reason.

Stay tuned for more sincere gratitude from the Doctor!