Friday Q&A

Questionable Devaluation

Greetings, crickets an trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q%A. Each week, I take a look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. As a licensed pretend medical professional, I feel it's my duty to share my vast insight on the subject of image manipulation. Photoshopping is one of the first skills they teach you in pretend med school. It's useful for chopping "before and after" type photos to make it look like your patients have lost weight, improved their posture or still have all their various extremities.

Q: Has the voting crisis at Fark resolved itself?

A: I suppose it depends on how you look at it. If you mean in the sense that people's concerns were addressed and proper adjustments were made to the system, no, that does not appear to be the case. If you were hoping for everyone to get ignored and eventually stop complaining because it's just a waste of time, then I have good news.

Q: Are you surprised with how quickly this feat was accomplished?

A: Fark Photoshoppers have had ample opportunity to "get over it" in the past, as the kids say. As always, practice makes perfect, whether it be in Photoshop or reacting to the capricious will of the community overlords. I find even my own level of interest in this subject is in decline. I may only complain about it for another four or five years.

Q: Why is changing the structure of the contests such a big deal?

A: Because I'm on the Internet, and I have a blog. I admit that my initial reaction to the idea of split voting, when I learned of it so many years ago, was almost entirely positive. But the more I thought about it, the more I saw it as pandering to the whiny set that always complains about losing to cliches. And in my mind, best is funniest, and funniest is best. So making a distinction is asinine in my perspective. It dilutes what little personal enjoyment could have been derived from winning, and generally makes things more confusing to follow.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you've already given up hope of changing Drew's mind about how ridiculous it is to have two winners per contest. As previously stated, I'm already horribly bored by the whole series of events. But given that the mantra used to calm everyone earlier this year seemed to be "let's see how this plays out" I actually wanted to chronicle any unforeseen benefits. I'll certainly let you know if that ever happens.

Stay tuned for more heavy sarcasm from the Doctor!

St Patrick's Day Q&A

Questionable Intoxication

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special St Patrick's Day edition of the Q&A. I'm glad you took time from your busy schedule of vomiting into a trashcan to check in. St Patick's Day is one of the few religious holidays where dying of alcohol poisoning is a high likelihood. But really, what do we know about this annual debauched celebration? Today, I'll be sharing some of the secrets about St Patrick's Day that you won't find in the history books, or any other sources steeped in "facts".

Q: Who was St Patrick's Day?

A: Saint Patrick Day was a man with a very strange name. His mother knew he was destined for great things. That's why she named him Saint. Day was born into the Dark Ages, I'm not sure of the century but it was one of the ones where we still burned witches. Life in the Dark Ages was arduous to say the least. Back then, you couldn't just strap your self to a blog and claim your fortune, a man had to work for a living. But Day had a plan. One that would make a name for him and drive all the snakes from Ireland.

Q: Ireland had snakes?

A: Snakes aren't a big part of the Irish ecosystem, but Saint Patrick Day didn't let petty things like scientific fact get in the way. That tenacity was what made him destined to become such a renowned religious figure. His first step was to find some snakes, so I assume he put an ad on Craigslist, or whatever people in the Dark Ages used for Craigslist. Ebay Classified pages maybe.

Q: What did he do with all those snakes?

A: Saint Patrick Day did a lot of depraved things with those snakes that I won't mention in a family blog like this. Needless to say, religious figures could get away with a lot more back then. Which is saying a lot. But at some point there comes a time, as the old saying goes, that you must discard your semen-filled snake carcasses into the sea. And that's just what Saint Patrick Day did to become famous and be declared a saint (the Dark Ages equivalent of a People's Choice Award). I guess people were more easily entertained back then.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Here's hoping you enjoy your Saint Patrick's Day responsibly. According to the beer companies, this involves dancing with bikini-clad women at raucous parties. I think that's the kind of responsibility we can all get in on.

Stay tuned for more responsible drinking from the Doctor!

Questionable Rescission

Greetings crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I bitch endlessly about the new voting system for Fark.com Photoshop contests. I have distant memories of covering issues tangentially related to the PS community, but that was in the past. Almost seems like another life at this point.

Q: Have you gotten over the new change yet?

A: Absolutely, that's why I keep bringing it up week after week. Over the years, our community has faced a lot of problems. Stagnation in the queue, infighting, and a rash of angry blogs that, um, someone was responsible for. Every time, some idiot convinced himself it was the worst thing we would ever face. Well, I'm here to tell you that this is the worst thing we will ever face, at least for the next few months. After the Mayan Death Gods attack us in December, cannibalism will probably be the worst problem. I've seen enough History Channel to know we're doomed.

Q: What can we do to fix the voting?

A: Nothing at this point. The powers that be are dead set on this idea, so we just have to ride it out. I have no idea who locked them into making such a dumb change, but he must have made one hell of a case for it. If I ever go to trial for all the images I've mangled, I want that magnificent bastard to speak on my behalf. Unless he isn't a trained lawyer, that sounds like a tricky legal situation that I would want to take seriously.

Q: Is TotalFark still worth paying for?

A: I've stated in the past that paying 5 bucks a month is probably the smallest regular expense that any of us have. I've also said that it's considerate to help maintain a place you consider to be your home. In the same respect, 5 bucks a month isn't shit. Every single PSer could leave and it would make no difference in Drew's pocketbook. Don't expect spectacular results from any kind of boycott.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed this opportunity for me to beat a dead horse without exerting the slightest bit of effort to make a positive step forward. Join me next time, when I will probably talk about the same thing because of how much it pisses me off.

Stay tuned for more accurate predictions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Defenestration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me once again. Each week, I take a look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. 2012 has been a rough year for us so far, with the implementation on split voting. The unpopular new feature doesn't seem to be going anywhere, despite massive outcry. On the upside, it gives me something new to complain about.

Q: Is it worth complaining about?

A: I'm only complaining because it's retarded. This is something that no one asked for, and it fundamentally alters the structure of the contests. But why? That's the question I kept asking when this unpopular new feature was foisted upon us. It seems to be tied to the comment voting outside of the contests. Someone had the bright idea to turn every news thread into a sort of mini-contest. People can vote on what they feel is the smartest or funniest comment. It's a new craze that isn't sweeping the nation!

Q: How many people vote on comments?

A: Slim to none. Take this thread from last week. Over 300 comments, and the smartest thing that all of Fark can bring is a one sentence comment that ends in ellipses? They screwed up they way things had worked in our contests, for years, so that less than 20 people could vote on what sounds like something an angry person would mutter under his breath whilst waiting for public transit. Brilliant.

Q: Has the quality of comments fallen that far?

A: That's not really the point. Out of the hundreds of people who commented on that story, out of the thousands of lurkers, a grand total of 14 people took advantage of the comment voting feature. It would seem that the public has spoken, roundly rejecting what many see as a misguided attempt on Fark's part to keep pace with younger sites. I don't understand why they're forcing something so unpopular. Fark is not Reddit, just like it isn't Worth1000.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed hearing me bitch for the hundredth time about something that Fark management obviously has no intention of changing. At this point I'm mostly curious about why. The new feature is about as popular as New Coke. Bring back Classic Voting!

Stay tuned for more dated references from the Doctor!