Friday Q&A

Questionable Portion 

 

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Today is the very first Q&A written with Blogger's horrible new interface. The good people at Google seem to have gone out of their way in finding exactly what works best, and then doing the opposite. It's like blogging in the not-too-distant future. This week, I'll be taking a look at ways to improve your Fark voting average, assuming anyone in the world still cares about that.

 Q: How can I get higher vote totals at Fark?

A: Now that the field has been split into best and funniest, it has become necessary for you to pick a side. Either go for best or funniest. DO NOT just assume you can go for both. You aren't ready. This like the Karate Kid (the real one), which means you'll spend the better part of the film waxing my various cars and painting my various fences. 

Q: Aren't some people good with humor as well as Photoshop?

A: Yes they are, and those types of people should be barred from competing anywhere online. I have written to Drew about constructing a second Internet for these living Gods to partition themselves off in, so that the affairs of mere mortal Photoshop contests can go on unhindered. Also we can stick the Beer Looter there.

Q: How does one appeal to the average Fark voter?

A: Fark voters are insanely bored people, just like us. Give them a laugh or a wow moment, and they might show thanks by voting you up. Never assume that your work deserves a vote, even if you spent a lot of time on it. Effort alone should never guarantee a vote. Think about what a world we'd have if everyone who tried was successful. Find what the voters want, whether it be quality or humor (NEVER mix the two) and give it to them.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you've already picked your side in the great battle of Best vs Funniest. How long until hostility boils over again between these two warring factions? It's sure to be an Internet war to end all Internet wars.

Stay tuned for more dire prognostication from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Emulation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I take a look at the issues that really matter to Fark's Photoshop community. Some of these issues don't even have anything to do with Fark, or Photoshop. This is because talking about the same thing all the time is boring. Thankfully, changes made to Fark this year have insured I will have a steady stream of managerial decisions to balk at.

Q: Why is the contest vote still split?

A: I think it's pretty obvious, despite all he's done for us over the years, and in spite of the fact I still consider him to be a pretty decent guy, Drew just doesn't care about Photoshoppers. Or rather, he cares, but the second we open our mouths then the deal is off. I find it very telling that when the changes debuted earlier this year, no one in particular was asked for their thoughts.

Q: Why didn't we do more to express our displeasure?

A: I think everyone did what they could. Would it have mattered if the Photoshop forum spent another month collectively railing against the changes? I doubt it. The fact is that best v funniest was going to happen whether we wanted it or not. It's tied to another idiotic decision, to let people vote on comments in regular discussion threads.

Q: Why even allow comment voting?

A: Because Fark is getting on in the years, and until now Drew et al haven't really done much to keep pace with the competition. In terms of site design, things are still very much like they have been for the last decade. Think of Fark like a newly divorced middle-aged man. He sees young punks like Reddit running around in their skinny jeans with their Maroon 5s and whatnot, and he says "me too". But Axe body spray and tribal tattoos just don't have the same effect on the older set. Have some dignity for God's sake. Be content with the users you have, and make peace with the fact that the userbase will steadily decline due to things like everyone dying of old age.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'll continue to monitor Fark for any kind of positive effects from the best v funniest voting change. I'm determined to see some. Maybe if I squint REALLY hard when I look at the vote totals, so I can't see how far down they've been driven.

Stay tuned for more myopic contemplation from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A.

Questionable Disposition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me again. Each week, I take a look at issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. For the uninitiated, Fark is a news aggregate site like so many others. It lets the users make sarcastic japes and wry observations at the stories of the day. One thing, however, has always has set us apart. That would be the nature of our Photoshop contests.

Q: How do Fark contests differ from those found elsewhere?

A: There are plenty of sites that permit users to create and submit images to be judged by their peers. Those sites almost always breed pretension and elitism. It can be hard to get started in a place like that. Fark, on the other hand, has a nice mix of participants and casual observers. This results in a different kind of atmosphere. A person who is eager to learn can get started easily, regardless of skill. They can even do fairly well if they possess a certain degree of wit.

Q: Do any sites come close to emulating the Fark contest experience?

A: Not that I've encountered so far. I've seen plenty of places with potential, but nothing really compares in my mind. And I can say that as a person who has looked for alternatives. Fark is not without its share of flaws, most especially the stubbornness of both the users and the site staff. It always amuses me to see people mindlessly parrot "you'll get over it" one minute and then genuinely wonder just where the hell everyone went the next minute. Here's a tip: people often have better success getting over things after a change of surroundings.

Q: Have measures been taken to address Fark's problems?

A: The measures have been too retarded, too late. Tons of crappy changes have been foisted upon the contest users in attempt to shore up what the site admins perceive to be flagging popularity. But people aren't getting tired of Photoshopping, or seeing funny pictures. They're getting tired of dealing with bullshit and being put off when they express a concern. The fact is that there are many more options open these days for those casual observers who gave the contests an extra spark. And that means a diminished pool of potential new Photoshoppers.
Changes like the new voting system do not strike at the heart of the problem. People aren't skipping the contests because they didn't win and got mad. If Drew wants to make a difference, he should go firebomb the Reddit server. But not Digg, gas costs too much and people wouldn't notice anyway.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'll always enjoy how Fark lets the average user contribute comedic elements to what is essentially a vast humor tapestry. Regardless of decline or idiotic changes made to the system, it still remains a singular experience on the Internet. Though I often wish someone else could succeed at emulating it. If only to give us a place to go when the powers that be inevitably decide the best way to get new users is to take the site offline permanently.

Stay tuned for more wishful thinking from the Doctor!

Jesus Day Q&A

Questionable Blasphemization

Greetings crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Easter edition of the Q&A. It truly is a wonderful time of year, as families gather round the old Easter tree to sing their favorite Easter carols. Join me, as I take a look at how we celebrate this curious holiday.

Q: Why do we dye eggs at Easter?

A: Way back in the caveman days, when the first Easter was celebrated, mankind was a very sinful creature. Not at all like now. Back then, Jesus had an idea to civilize society by dying chicken embryos in various pastel colors. As you can imagine, there was much rejoicing. Society immediately became pious and Christian. The ignorant and backwards Roman empire gave way to the enlightenment of the Dark Ages.

Q: How do rabbits figure into the holiday?

A: The Easter Bunny, renowned for his ability to sneak into Children's homes whilst delivering high fructose corn syrup treats, is steeped in Christian mythology. I'll bet you didn't know that many of God's messages to Moses Malone were written on rabbits. In modern times, the bunny visits the homes of all children, though he only leaves gifts for the Christian ones. With the other kids, he just stands menacingly at the end of the bed, then hops away to wipe their tooth brushes on his ass.

Q: Who is more powerful, Jesus or the Easter Bunny?

A: I guess it makes a difference whether it's a street brawl or a sanctioned match. Jesus is naturally going to have the advantage when any kinds of regulations are in play, since He created them all by proxy. The Easter Bunny has much greater stealth ability, seeing how Jesus can't accidentally bump into anything without having it turning into wine or a snake. The Bunny's ears are more sensitive, as well. It's also fairly common knowledge that the Easter Bunny was in 'Nam. Jesus refused to serve in the Vietnam War, because he would have had to get a hair cut. Or maybe it was just a guy that looked like him in some old 1960's protest footage.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by to celebrate Easter with me. I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday. I also hope that this post was enlightening for my non-Christian readers, who now will at least know to put their toothbrushes in a locked drawer.

Stay tuned for more Easter tips from the Doctor!

April Fool's Day Q&A

Questionable Deception

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a very special April Fool's Day edition of the Q&A. Thanks for joining me once again. As an occasional prankster, I take Fool's Day very seriously. This time of year is like what Christmas would be like for me if I was not a heathen. So gather with me around the old April Fool's tree whilst we sing fool carols and exchange wildly impractical gifts.

Q: Why do you enjoy April Fool's Day?

A: It's one day on the Internet where you know things will get interesting. Every webmaster and their brother takes it as an opportunity to sow a little mischief. And whilst so many pranks I've seen over the years fell flat, I'm still interested in what people can come up with. Fark in particular is usually good for a few laughs on this day.

Q: What are some of your favorite Fark 4/1 pranks?

A: The P1gs will always have a place in my heart, but Drew's really outdone himself this year. Staging a fake trip to Vegas was a stroke of genius. Now the city will be flooded with Farkers looking for Drew when he's actually 17 states away, and clutching keys to a "hotel room" they reserved that actually opens the laundry hamper at a run-down Days Inn.

Q: Have you subscribed to the new Fark magazine?

A: It's pretty sad that people are only just now finding out about the thought-provoking periodical that is Fark Magazine. I've had a subscription for many years.


It's a great way to pay for information that you can get for free online. So in other words, it's like most magazines. But with more pictures of memes. We all know how much everyone loves to see that, without exception.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed this special April Fool's Q&A. In keeping with Internet tradition, I have hidden a hilarious prank somewhere within this post. Will you be able to find it? Will you have read this far into the post that you see this information? Did I have a lot of extra questions let over this week or something?
u r dumb. lol I prank u.
Stay tuned for more unanswered questions from the Doctor!