Mother's Day Q&A

Questionable Lactation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Mother's Day edition of the Q&A. This annual celebration of motherhood was originally devised by greeting card companies as a way to offload excess card stock after Easter. Somehow along the way, it got mixed up in the women's rights movement.

Q: Why do people relate women's rights to motherhood?

A: No one knows. Women still crapped out plenty of kids when they couldn't vote and spent most days chained up in the kitchen. But then the government realized how ridiculous it was to oppress half of the population when they didn't even have a different skin color or religion. Women's suffrage was born, or achieved, whatever. And women repaid this gracious gesture by helping institute one of the most unpopular policies in American history, Prohibition. So be sure to call mom and thank her for organized crime.

Q: Do women have too many rights?

A: That's the question that our brave lawmakers are hoping to solve. Everyone wants women to have rights, but lets not go crazy and turn America into a tampon commercial. Putting rights in the hands of women can be a dangerous thing. Men have had rights for thousands of years, but we're mostly too dumb to use them. Females, devious and clever as they are, have devised all manner of ways to dodge and shirk responsibility. Tired of working? Just get knocked up, go through the agonizing pain of childbirth and BOOM, free vacation. Where's my free vacation? Where's my epidural, god damn it?

Q: You seem kind of down on women.

A: Hey, question format please. And maybe I'm just a bit sore. Here we go trying our best to roll back the barriers in employment and society that women have faced, and how do they repay us? By breast feeding on Time magazine. What where you thinking, women? Hang your collective heads in shame. Things like breast feeding should be done out of public view, in filthy back alleys where only degenerate hobos and drugged out sex perverts will be made to feel uncomfortable.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed this special look at Mother's Day and women's rights. One right that I rarely see them take advantage of is the right to remain silent. Unless you're in an argument conveniently timed to take place during a long car ride.

Stay tuned for more awkward journeys from the Doctor!