Friday Q&A

Questionable Medication

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A, Friday's most trusted name in blogging. This week, I'll be taking yet another break from talking about Photoshop to discuss the healthcare legislation upheld this week by the Supreme Court.

Q: What is the Supreme Court?

A: It's apparently one of the highest courts in the American legal system. I read about it on a bunch of blogs. Did you know they want to take away your rights to hunt endangered animals for sport? And now they've fixed their evil gaze on the American medical system, one of the most functional medical systems in America.

 Q: What is Obamacare?

A: I'm beginning to suspect that it might have something to do with this Supreme Court bullshit everyone is talking about. Further study is required, but it entails paying attention to news media for more than five seconds. And modern media, as we all know, is a barren wasteland of uninformed editorial ranting. You know how much I hate that. At least there's some Kardahian coverage to round it out.

Q: Is Photoshop Fever covered by Obamacare?

A: Since Photoshop Fever has yet to be diagnosed as a legitimate medical illness, I have my doubts about it being covered by any of the major Insurance companies. It's too bad the Supreme Court can't be bothered to do anything about that. They're too busy wearing robes and ruling on cases. Way to drop the ball, guys.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed this 100% fact free coverage of the landmark Supreme Court ruling. If I understand correctly, everyone will now be assigned to special Kaiser Permanente death camps, where our blood will be used to lubricate the gears of Obama's socio-fascist regime. So good news, we're moving away from oil dependency.

Stay tuned for more alternative lubrication from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Inspection

 

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. With the upcoming election, I thought I would take a chance to more closely examine the current administration's record on free speech. It's my opinion that a President should be held to account for the actions of whatever protofacist agencies he or any predecessors have propped up. The shady and backhanded dealings of the Homeland Security department under his watch have been disgraceful.

Q: What does the Department of Homeland Security do?

A: All the jobs of the ATF, FBI, CIA, NSA, WNBA, GTA and ABC. Which means they're stretched pretty thin. They can barely oppress, imprison and otherwise intimidate US citizens anymore. Something obviously has to be done, and I have a feeling it will involve me getting a colonoscopy at the airport.

Q: What can be done to shore up our defenses?

A: It's true, there are still some people with dissenting opinions who haven't felt the bittersweet blast of pepper spray. Clearly a new agency must be created to combat this scourge of protest. We'll need to think hard if we're to come up with a name to rival authoritarian overtones of the "homeland" security department.

Q: What will be the scope of this new agency?

A: Slow down, there. Giving it a purpose just pigeonholes it into one area where it can fuck people's lives up. Let's leave it open to interpretation. Department of Stopping People I don't Agree With, Bureau of Thoughtcrime, Corporation Protection Agency, these are just a few ideas. Keep it broad so it can do all sorts of stuff, like seize Internet domains and imprison people without trial for the rest of their lives. We don't need a bunch of mission statements contradicting what the agency is supposed to do when it starts cavity searching grandma before her flight back to Yuma.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I realize that after writing this post, I may not be able to board an airplane again for the rest of my natural life. Which, by the way, I'm fine with. The airlines never pass out peanuts anymore, bunch of cheap assholes. But let's be perfectly clear: I never threatened the Homeland, hell, I'm still waiting for someone to tell me where it is. Must be in an elderly person's underwear, the airport rent-a-cops sure seem keen to take a peek up there.

Stay tuned for warrantless searches from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Election

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another informative edition of the Friday Q&A. I'm glad you joined me, as we have urgent business to discuss. This week, I'm taking a break from commenting on the Fark community at large to discuss the upcoming American presidential election. Any of my readers in foreign countries can use the next few minutes to patch any holes they might find in the roof of their ramshackle huts.

Q: Do politics and Photoshop mix well?

A: I find that the two go together like vodka and milk. Frustration with our political system has driven more than a few disgruntled malcontents to take their first tentative grasps at image mangling. The initial fruits of their labor may be crude and offensive, but so much can develop from there. All it takes is the right inspiration.

Q: Which candidate do you support for President?

A: It's a tough question. As a Photoshopper, I give my support based on a number of factors. For example, I fully acknowledge the legal gray area in which we operate. With the definition of fair use being constantly eroded, how long before the copyright gestapo kicks your door in for all those pics you "stole"? So we want a President who doesn't focus on coloring that gray area. Obama has not performed well in this respect. With his frequent domain seizures and movements toward an Internet "kill" switch, he doesn't leave me brimming with confidence with regards to free speech. Romney doesn't get high marks, either. He's a billionaire, and it makes me think he's always going to side with other billionaires. He's also got kind of a freaky inhuman robot thing going on. It makes me think he was sent from another world to destroy us. I mean, how many times has he run for President? Why does he want to be President so bad? It's a shit job. A billionaire is spending billions of his own and others money to get elected to a job that pays less than a million a year. I'm sure if he ever gets in, his first action will be to give all the poor children of America a free puppy. Which is good, those kids are starving.

Q: So who should we vote for?

A: For fuck's sake, you want me to help you pick out your underwear, too? It's a simple thing to choose. Do you want 4 more years of racist Kenyan jokes, or 4 years of riffing on various robotic gaffes committed by Romney? It's wide open. Personally, I'm hoping to throw my vote away on a ridiculous third party candidate, but I'm still shopping around for who has the most asinine opinions.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. No matter who you choose for President, I think we can all agree that this shitfest has gone on about 36 months longer than it needed to. Jesus Christ, people. The President doesn't even have that much power. The entire news cycle has been focused on this since literally the end of the last election. There is not a reason on Earth why anyone should care about a Presidential election 3 years in advance unless you're the fucking guy running.

Stay tuned for more political advice from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Ingratiation 

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. I'm glad you joined me today, because I have the joy of formally announcing the Fark Leaderboard's upcoming return to operation. That hopefully means an end to the statless dark ages we've been experiencing in the Fark 3.0 era.

Q: Who will be our savior in these dark times?

A: Veteran photoshopper i-dig has agreed to take a look under the hood of the Leaderboard, and maybe poke it with a screwdriver. Maybe he can appease whatever pagan demi-god is responsible for fetching the contest results. There's not a lot that I know about making the Internet work, but I'm happy to share everything I know here. Basically, the Internet comes out of a little black box in my living room. Maybe I can mail i-dig my Internet box and he can see what the trouble is.

Q: Why did the Leaderboard stop working?

A: Because Drew is a sinister and duplicitous person, who wants to deprive our community of the ability to feel better about ourselves because our win percentage is .03% higher than the guy who stomped our carefully-crafted art 'shop with an MSpaint quickie of the Beer Looter. I can just imagine Drew sitting there at Fark Central Command, deep beneath the hills of Kentucky, twisting a pencil thin mustache and cackling wildly as he throws the comically large "on" switch for that horrible voting system everyone hated.

Q: When will the repairs be complete?

A: I have no idea. There's a lot of tedious labor involved in getting the code where it needs to be. I'm thankful i-dig is looking at it for us, because the number of people in the community who know how to do such things seems drastically lower than it once was. People come and go, as you know. Let's hope a few more come that know how to do Internet.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to once again thank i-dig for undertaking the tedious task of fixing the Leaderboard. I know it's a lot of work, but I'm sure the rest of the community will be forever grateful for his sacrifice.

Stay tuned for more moral support from the Doctor!

Questionable Resuscitation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. I'm glad you joined me today, since we have urgent business to discuss. Veteran Photoshopper i-dig, long time friend of the Clinic and founder of Misfit Squirrels, has asked for input concerning the repair of the Fark Leaderboard. Specifically, whether it's worth fixing at all.

Q: Is the Leaderboard worth fixing?

A: There's no question that a lot of work is required to get the Leaderboard up and running again. So before i-dig devotes several hours to the task, it would be nice to know it isn't going to be a waste of his time. So many months have passed since the site went offline, that I think he must assume people have forgotten about it.

Q: Have people actually forgotten?

A: Of course not. We all miss the Leaderboard. Though some of the newer guys might not know what it is. That saddens me, to think of a generation of Fark Photoshoppers not obsessing and fighting over percentages. We need that. It's at least 37% of the fun.

Q: How can I help save the Leaderboard?

A: You have to let i-dig know that this resource is sorely missed. By any means necessary. Singing telegrams, balloon-a-grams, anagrams and holograms. Hire a vintage bi-plane to tow a banner by his house. Leave long, rambling messages on his answering machine. And if you're already doing this stuff, do it twice as much. Or just say something in the PSAEF, he'll probably see it.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I hope that i-dig sees how much the resource of tracking contest entries and stats is to our community. It's certainly going to be a lot of work to fix, and I wish there was more I could do to help. 

Stay tuned for more wishful thinking from the Doctor!