Friday Q&A

Questionable Repatriation

 

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Independence Day edition of the Q&A. Four score and seven blogs ago, I first wrote about the USA, one of the greatest countries in the entire North American continent. Founded in 1976 by George Washington an excuse to not pay taxes, the new regime quickly blossomed and spread across the land, leaving enlightenment and smallpox-contaminated blankets in its wake.

Q: How do you feel about the Constitution?

A: The United States Constitution is a treasure of immense historical significance, as it apparently has a map to Nicholas Cage's house on the back. I feel that it should be preserved for future generations, and that adventurers should stop trying to unlock its mysteries in progressively improbable films. Maybe an amendment can be passed to ensure this. And also and amendment to prevent future amendments, because everything is fine the way it is, god damn it.

Q: What about illegal immigrants?

A: America is a nation of immigrants, so why not send them all back to their countries of origin? We'll have lots more space this way. Then we can build big walls to keep everyone out, just like the nation's founders intended. I'm pretty sure the forefathers wanted us to shoot anyone who comes within 20 yards of America's perimeter.

Q: What is the best way to show my patriotism?


A: Well it sure doesn't end at putting a little American flag decal on the back window of your car. Such trite and hollow gestures do little to support the people who put their lives on the line to safeguard our freedoms. That's why you need one of those yellow ribbon decals, too. It also wouldn't hurt to strap a few miniature flags to your vehicle if you're a brown person traversing any of the desolate stretches of Real America.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Best wishes to you and yours this 4th of July season. Now go out and celebrate the founding of our nation in style. Let the eagles soar over purple mountains majesty. Let your pickup tear across the amber waves of grain, with little regard for the people harvesting it. They're probably undocumented workers, anyway. No one will miss them, except for their large extended families.

Stay tuned for more agricultural stereotypes from the Doctor!