Labor Day Q&A

Questionable Contribution

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Labor Day weekend edition of the Q&A. Thanks for taking time to join me. In this week's post, I'll be taking a closer look at this peculiar celebration of labor, an activity most Americans go out of their way to avoid.

Q: Why do we still celebrate Labor Day?

A: Americans love any excuse to take time off from work, and the irony of not working on a day that celebrates hard workers is almost certainly lost on most of us. And when I say workers, I don't mean in a communist way, so don't get all Fox Newsy about it. Given that the whole thing was started to honor the sacrifices made by labor unions, maybe it's best that FNC be left out of the loop this time, given how much of their 24 hour schedule is devoted to branding any trade union as evil socialist communazi liberal tax and spend abortionists. Who are coming for your guns and freedom.

Q: What is the best way to celebrate Labor Day?

A: Like any good American, by not working. And by grilling various animal organs that have been compressed and formed into meat tubes, purportedly fit for human consumption. Mmm, that's good eating. 

Q: What if I don't eat meat?

A: I realize a number of people in this country are vegetarians, and my only request to them is that they cut the shit and eat a few hotdogs this weekend. The cows, pigs, chickens and occasional stray rat who fell into the grinder all worked hard to taste that delicious. Is it too much to ask for you to honor their sacrifice?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you have a safe and productive labor day, free from communists and all other malefactors who wish to harm this great nation. We can only hope the hotdog production facilitates are locked up tight this weekend, lest our supply of rat meat become tainted.

Stay tuned for more appetizing imagery from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Commendation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A, Friday's most trusted name in blogs. Each week, I discuss issues facing Fark's Photoshoppers. Or, more often than not, I just rant like a crazy person. This hard-hitting approach to complaining about stuff is what has kept me on top of the blogging world since day one of me knowing the blogging world existed.

Q: What can Farkers learn about voting from the American political system?

A: A couple of things, I suppose. Mainly, that most of the normal people have important stuff going on in their lives, and consequently don't vote. And the people that DO vote have a very special list of things they want to see. I believe an image an African American flood victim absconding with some mid-tier lager might be high on that list. Do what the politicians do: Give the people what they want. Or you can be like one of those high-minded politicos who actually stick to their convictions. There must be one, but I'm drawing a blank. At any rate, it doesn't matter. Those people can't even get elected dog catcher in the modern political system.

Q: Isn't that actually pretty terrible advice?

A: Hey, hey. Hey. Whoa. You want to answer the questions? It's a fact that Fark has always been comprised to two equally important elements: the people who take themselves too seriously, and the people who don't take others seriously enough. As a charter member of the latter camp, it's my opinion that the other side is stupid and deserves to lose. And I have a blog, which makes my opinion fact. Check mate. King me.

Q: Haven't a few Photoshoppers gotten by while still taking the high road?

A: Here's the problem: They're probably all better than you. They had this thing called talent, try reading a Wikipedia article or something if the word seems unfamiliar to you. Luckily, there exist retarded memes for people like you and I to use, ad nauseum, with no negative impact other than having everyone else want to strangle you.

 That's all for this time, gentle reader. Remember to take a play from our political friends, and give the voting public what they want. Otherwise, don't be surprised if no one votes for you. People want their hair-brained opinions to be validated. They want to laugh at the same joke a hundred times. All sad commentary on the human experience aside, it's a fact that creators and politicians alike both face.

Stay tuned for more depressing suppositions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Defibrillation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Thanks for joining me again. Each week, I examine the issues facing Fark's Photoshop community. Recently, I've been discussing a few of the new changes made to our contests. They all seem to be an effort at stemming some perceived exodus. And as usual, they stop short of being effective in any way other than to annoy. That's MY job!

Q: What can actually make the contests better?

A: More of them, especially more themes. After all these years, it's ridiculous to still see this problem in the queue. After all the management's attempts at ginning up participation, they continue to ignore the frequent requests by various PSAEF members for more themes. It makes you wonder why they ignore that sector of the Photoshop population, or Photoshopulation.

Q: Why ignore that segment of the Photoshop population?

A: Photoshopulation. Maybe it's just fewer people who enjoy these special freestyle Photoshop contests, but they always seem to drive more entries, and attention from the general Fark population. Why then, is the queue frequently so sparse with them? It's been an ongoing problem for the past few years. Maybe we ran out of ideas, or the admins don't like the ideas submitted for review. Fark submission can be a tricky game, and getting attention for a potential good theme is hit or miss.

Q: Why is it so hard to get a theme approved?

A: I have no idea what steps the approval process consists of, but I assume each admin is hogtied in front of a computer, with two buttons and each potential contest scrolling in front of them. If they hit the red button, a powerful electric shock is delivered to the genitals. But if they hit the green button, badgers come out and gnaw off their fingers. Why hit any button at all, you ask? Well, Fark admins have a thing for being electrocuted in the genitals with occasional badger gnawing. Don't judge them for it.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. Hopefully the Fark admins will see fit to toss a few themes our way. But regardless, the fact remains that theme submission/approval has been a constant problem in this community for several years now. There's really no solution other than to submit more ideas, and hope they get through.

Stay tuned for more hopeful submission from the Doctor!

Questionable Suppression  

 

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A, your source for hard-hitting informative commentary and insane ranting. Or maybe just the second part. Either way, I've taken it upon myself to answer questions in the interest of Fark's Photoshop community. For the uninitiated, Fark's PS contests are a place where talent and humor are both on display. Luckily, you don't need them to win. My storage locker filled with fabulous prizes obtained from Fark can attest to this.

Q: Is Fark facing a crisis that puts it on a collision course with self destruction?

A: Probably not, but it looks good to have some alarmist bold text in a blog article like this. "Everything's fine, no need to panic" just doesn't have the same punch. I'd say Fark is actually doing pretty well in spite of this year's disastrous voting experiment, and useless code changes that resulted in the loss of offsite resources. 

Q: What can Fark learn from the upcoming Presidential election?

A: Not a whole lot. It's like the two things aren't even remotely related to one another, and I'm just trying to gin up extra page clicks to please my sponsors, who are in no way affiliated with the Russian mafia. Of course, since it's Fark, there is, as always, the ongoing perceived problem of the Beer Looter existing and being popular as a meme. Maybe Fark should move to pass tough new voter ID laws. That was Pennsylvania's response when the populace, against all decency and logic, voted for a black guy. If it's good enough for Dracula, it's good enough for us.

Q: How do you feel about the decision to hide non-voting comments?

A: When the changes were rolled out, I commented that taking the non-voting comments and entries out of the thread made everything look rather sterile and boring. I stand by this claim. It certainly makes the thread look more professional, but a pro look is not one of the things I require from a Fark contest. At any rate, it's a feature I will leave disabled.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Regardless of how you feel about the issues at hand, I think we can all agree you're wrong if you disagree with me. Please try to work on correcting that.

Stay tuned for more helpful reminders from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Competition

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to an exclusive Olympic edition of the Q&A. The awe and excitement of watching the world's athletes compete on a national stage is something I should probably get around to experiencing at some point. People certainly never seem to shut up about our bi-annual proxy war with China over who can successfully not fall off a pommel horse.

Q: What is your favorite Olympic event?

A: Biathlon, the one where they ski and then inexplicably shoot a rifle. What the hell is up with that? Is it a dry run to assassinate the Yeti? That event must be hard to pull off in the summer games, with all the snow. And even harder this year, since England has no guns. Maybe they can just hurl cutting British sarcasm at Paddington Bear during a downpour of frigid rain. Close enough. 

Q: How should Olympic cheaters be punished?

A: I think they should be applauded. After all, it's a proxy war against other, shittier countries. We have to show these foreign bastards up, and make them look like the garbage they are. Sometimes a few corners have to be cut. Blood has to be doped. How else are we going to win the proxy war and gain proxy control of the proxy world? Foreign athletes who cheat, however, should face stiff penalties and brutal crowd-based beatings. It's only fair we be given an advantage. 

Q: What is the best part of the Olympics?

A: I would have to say the closing ceremony. I've never watched it, but it always gives me relief that we can stop caring about the Olympics for another two years, and that my regularly scheduled programming will soon return to the lineup. Hooray for ancient re-runs of Dharma and Greg.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Let us now begin the closing post ceremony. I award the gold medal to you, for sitting through another insightful and relevant edition of the Q&A. I award myself the silver, for publishing it in nearly the same week as Friday. No one cares about the bronze, so we can melt that down to deal with the world's mounting financial crisis, which is in no way caused by everyone standing around giving each other medals.

Stay tuned for more fiscal alleviation from the Doctor!