Friday Q&A

Questionable Contamination

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Memorial Day edition of the Friday Q&A. I'd like to start by honoring America's veterans. Whether they served in Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf War, the Cola Wars, or the War of the Roses, these brave patriots deserve only the highest form of respect: not being blogged about by me.

Q: How are you celebrating Memorial Day weekend?

A: The good old-fashioned American way, of course. I won't go into too much detail, but it involves deep frying bacon whilst accidentally setting my neighbor's yard on fire. And like most Americans, I equate "national holiday" with "drink until belligerent." Hopefully I can find some time to Photoshop, because Fark's queue is finally picking up after several weeks of suck.

Q: Why did things suddenly get better?

A: There's really no way to tell, but I can't help but feel completely responsible. Clearly, things that I bitch about have a way of getting fixed. Perhaps I should turn my attention to the ongoing Gulf oil spill. I don't really consider that to be a disaster, but the constant media squawking about it has really started to wear thin.

Q: The oil spill isn't a disaster?

A: Hell no. It's just BP trying to solve America's energy crisis. I'll admit the approach is a bit hamfisted, but they are a British company after all. They're simply using a technique pioneered by us during the Boston Tea Party. Regardless of the delivery method, America's long-lamented dependence on foreign oil has just been solved. There's now plenty of domestic oil. It's practically everywhere! Head on down to the Gulf Coast with a pool skimmer, and you can snag enough petrol to keep your Hyundai running for at least a month. Though you may have to use some sort of strainer to filter out the dead sea birds.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to close this post by once again honoring America's Veterans. Please remember their heroic actions when you're puking on your neighbor's dog. I know I will.

Stay tuned for more unintentional regurgitation from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Digestion

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Saturday edition of the Friday Q&A. My apologies for the late posting. I'm back after a short bout with food poisoning. Did you know that unagi has to be refrigerated? Lesson learned: never buy discounted eels from a cart vendor.

Q: How do you feel about cliche abuse?

A: Cliche abuse is something that we all should learn to live with and tolerate. In my time as a Farker, I've witnessed many failed crusades and campaigns against the use of these so-called cliches. Big surprise, they're all still around. Whilst some memes may individually fall into disuse after a time, new ones quickly come along to serve in their stead.

Q: Does Cliche City proliferate these memes?

A: Absolutely not. Such an assumption is patently ridiculous. Most of the images we claim as "cliches" have storied pasts outside our community. They would show up in Photoshop contests regardless of whether or not Cliche City ever existed. The site merely attempts to catalog these cliches and disseminate their origin stories. You might as well get mad at newspapers for reporting current events (replace "newspaper" with "blog" if you live in certain parts of the United States).

Q: Where do Cliches come from?

A: All over the place. Some originated at Fark, but most have trickled in from other communities and web forums. These are images that have become part of our shared iconography. Many predate the Internet itself. People are still using the HA HA guy, despite having long forgotten what the hell an Insoluble Dry Plate is. Love him or hate him, odds are good that the Paint Huffer and Dolphin Girl will outlast your tenure as a Photoshopper.

That's all for this time gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. Food poisoning is no joke, but it has led me to the serendipitous discovery of how much I enjoy blogging from the crapper. There's a metaphor in there, if you have a strong enough stomach to endure it.

Stay tuned for more irritable bowels from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Excoriation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. This long-running regular feature often appears on the same day of the week. In it, I examine issues facing the Fark Photoshop community. Thanks for joining me again.

Q: Did you make a difference this week?

A: I make a difference every week, and this one was no exception. It would appear that Fark's administrators have answered my call arms concerning the recent drought of Photoshop contests. The queue still isn't perfect, but things are in a lot better shape than just a few days ago. Clearly, the powers that be have taken note of this obscure blog and are currently working towards fulfilling the every whim of its founder. Let it be known that I would also like a pony. I'm told they're delicious.

Q: Why do you give the admins so much shit?

A: It's just a bit of lighthearted ribbing. Fark's administrators are hardworking people, and they deal with a high volume of stupidity. Moronic crap is constantly streaming into the submission queue, so the careful consideration of which Photoshop contests to approve probably doesn't rank high on their list.

Q: What could be more important than Photoshop?

A: Perhaps they're busy deleting spam links and fake newsflashes. We don't really know, since any communication with them in the recent past has been rare. What I can say is that the quality of approved pictures seems to be on the rise. Perhaps the infamous parrot has been retired in favor of a supercomputer or some sort of AI entity. I'm sure we'll get quite a few good years of service before it becomes self aware and wipes out humanity.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I'd like to take some time here at the end to thank the admins for all they do. As the gatekeepers of our community, their contributions are endless. Please remember my praise when the machines take over. As a blogger, I can be useful in rounding up survivors for extermination. Though it's probably safe to say that most people will be dead from the Mayan Deathpocalypse by then anyway.

Stay tuned for more dire predictions from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Ration

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome back to another edition of the Friday Q&A. In this regular feature, I explore issues facing Fark's Photoshop community, and the world in general. What a week! This is truly an exciting time to be vaguely aware of the news. Bomb scares, floods, earthquakes, volcanoes and good old fashioned man-made pollution have conspired to give us years of Photoshop contest fodder. If you don't mind the impending doom of humanity, this is a pretty good time to mangle a few images. At least it would be, if the queue wasn't shorter than my attention span.
or TSZ's penis.
Q: Are we in the midst of another theme drought?

A: It's really more of an everything drought. No themes, Iron Photoshops, or challenges all week. And only a handful of approved images to fill the queue. Despite what the Dick Van Patten vehicle of the late 70's would have you believe, eight is not enough. I know Fark's management must be pretty tied up with the world ending and all, but that's no need to be stingy with the Photoshop contests.

Q: Why can't there be a standard for the length of the queue?

A: I'm afraid I'll never fully understand the mystical processes involved in forming Fark's Photoshop queue. Sometimes quality "O"s abound, other times it's a real wasteland. This week was more of the latter than the former. I hope things clear up soon, because watching our planet's ecosystem degrade into a pile of greasy filth has really worked up my creative juices.

Q: What happened to Google?

A: The forces of unimprovement have been hard at work on Google. You can tell because their search pages are now butt ugly. The whole mess looks like a clone of Bing, which is in no way a compliment. Whilst we can't hope to understand the forces behind such an idiotic decision, a handy tool has emerged which allows us to cope with the aftermath of flawed web design. Add this user-created style to your Firefox browser using the Stylish plugin (same one we use to remove ads from TotalFark). This only applies to Firefox, of course. If you're using IE or Chrome, best of luck to you.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Let me close this post by offering my sympathy to anyone affected by the Tennessee flooding, the Greek credit crisis, or that terrifying unattended cooler that shutdown most of the Eastern seaboard today. Actually, I take it back about Greece. You can't tell me you didn't see their problems coming a mile away. The whole country has been in desperate need of renovation for years now. Have you ever seen the Parthenon? That place is practically falling apart.

Stay tuned for more structural evaluations from the Doctor!