Memorial Day Q&A

 Questionable Resolution

 Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Memorial Day weekend edition of the Q&A. I'm on a much-needed vacation this week, but I was happy to have my old friend i-dig stop by to tell me that the war over Fark's inane dual voting system has finally come to a close. No more best vs. funniest. We may never know which is truly better, but I think that might be for the best. Or funniest, whatever.

Q: Why did the dual Photoshop voting system get removed?

A: Because it was probably the shittiest idea that anyone ever had in the history of Fark. Which is a monumental accomplishment. Voting on regular comments still remains, a vestigial element that will probably disappear quietly the next time the site is redesigned.

Q: Is the Leaderboard finally going to be repaired?

A: It could happen, assuming the parties involved aren't too put out with Fark management or have moved on. We'll just have to wait and see. It's been almost half a year since the Leaderboard stopped tracking stats. And frankly speaking, a lot of damage has been done to our community due to this dual voting fiasco.

Q: What should we do to rebuild?

A: Maybe a system of voting that lets you vote for THREE options. I'm sure it would be mildly unpopular at first, but over the months, people would begin to despise it. And isn't that what Photoshop is all about? Being outraged at some managerial decision that has nothing to do with Photoshop at all?

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by, and a big thanks to i-dig for ending my self-imposed Fark boycott. Blogging about a community I no longer visited was getting to be difficult.

Stay tuned for more tearful homecomings from the Doctor!

Friday Q&A

Questionable Perception

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. Each week, I take a look at the most pressing issues faced by Fark's Photoshop community. Then, oftentimes, I disregard that crap and talk about something else. Let's face it, there isn't a lot of new ground to cover here. Move a few pixels around, the Beer Looter is bad, mix with nostalgia and you have the recipe for most Fark-related Photoshop community outrage blogs.

Q: What are you currently outraged about?

A: The current source of my consternation is the same one I've been carping about for several months now. At the beginning of the year, the voting system was changed to a namby pamby dual category setup, apparently in an attempt to appease those forces who have long complained about the lack of quality at Fark.

Q: How does having two categories improve quality?

A: I think we can all agree that it hasn't. All it's really done has make things more difficult for the various Fark satellites that track averages and entries. Which in turn devalues the community. Therefore, it is my conclusion that this hair-brained dual voting system has done nothing but make our situation worse.

Q: What is the real reason that dual voting was added?

A: The same reason that it will remain: laziness. Drew and company wanted to keep pace with Reddit by adding comment voting to all the threads. "Smartest" and "funniest" were the categories they wanted to use, since they apparently haven't actually visited any Fark comment threads in the last decade. But rather than go to any effort to keep Photoshop as it was, they threw in categories there, too. The fact that Photoshop 2.0 wasn't given any kind of presentation by Fark staff when it premiered is a pretty big tell that they knew it would be unpopular.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. When the hated new voting system premiered, there were calls to "wait and see" if any positive consequences would result. Kind of like when your house is on fire, and you wait to call 911. Just in case the flames will sweep into the kitchen and cook your dinner. At this point, I'm thinking we should just order pizza.

Stay tuned for more culinary flexibility from the Doctor!

Mother's Day Q&A

Questionable Lactation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Mother's Day edition of the Q&A. This annual celebration of motherhood was originally devised by greeting card companies as a way to offload excess card stock after Easter. Somehow along the way, it got mixed up in the women's rights movement.

Q: Why do people relate women's rights to motherhood?

A: No one knows. Women still crapped out plenty of kids when they couldn't vote and spent most days chained up in the kitchen. But then the government realized how ridiculous it was to oppress half of the population when they didn't even have a different skin color or religion. Women's suffrage was born, or achieved, whatever. And women repaid this gracious gesture by helping institute one of the most unpopular policies in American history, Prohibition. So be sure to call mom and thank her for organized crime.

Q: Do women have too many rights?

A: That's the question that our brave lawmakers are hoping to solve. Everyone wants women to have rights, but lets not go crazy and turn America into a tampon commercial. Putting rights in the hands of women can be a dangerous thing. Men have had rights for thousands of years, but we're mostly too dumb to use them. Females, devious and clever as they are, have devised all manner of ways to dodge and shirk responsibility. Tired of working? Just get knocked up, go through the agonizing pain of childbirth and BOOM, free vacation. Where's my free vacation? Where's my epidural, god damn it?

Q: You seem kind of down on women.

A: Hey, question format please. And maybe I'm just a bit sore. Here we go trying our best to roll back the barriers in employment and society that women have faced, and how do they repay us? By breast feeding on Time magazine. What where you thinking, women? Hang your collective heads in shame. Things like breast feeding should be done out of public view, in filthy back alleys where only degenerate hobos and drugged out sex perverts will be made to feel uncomfortable.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoyed this special look at Mother's Day and women's rights. One right that I rarely see them take advantage of is the right to remain silent. Unless you're in an argument conveniently timed to take place during a long car ride.

Stay tuned for more awkward journeys from the Doctor!

Drunk Day Q&A

Questionable Libation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Cinco de Mayo edition of the Q&A. I'm glad you took time out from celebrating the richness of Mexican culture in order to join me. It's time to take a closer look at this curious holiday, which I first learned about from a Corona commercial.

Q: Why do Americans celebrate Cinco de Mayo?


A: It's important for all Americans to have pride in at least one of the neighbor countries. Call it your safety country, if you will. Just in case shit hits the fan. You exhibit this pride by picking one of their major holidays and drinking on it until you vomit into a sombrero.

Q: How is Cinco de Mayo celebrated in Mexico?

A: Having never visited that country, I can only speculate blindly. I assume they celebrate it by participating in their national pastime, brutal drug cartel-related killings. From the Corona commercials I've seen, Mexico is a beautiful land of beaches, so I assume the cartels must be hiding behind those palm trees.

Q: What is the most respectful way to honor this holiday in America?

A: My experience has always been drunk in a bar that serves nachos. The aforementioned sombrero is required attire, as the brim is large enough to catch any errant vomit that may ensue from the discounted margaritas you will no doubt consume. The Mexican people were very thoughtful in their choice of traditional head wear.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by once again. I hope you celebrate this, and all alcohol-centered holidays responsibly. Which, according to the average beer commercial, consists of partying with swimsuit-clad women.

Stay tuned for more accurate generalizations from the Doctor!