Questionable Libation
Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to a special Cinco de Mayo edition of the Q&A. I'm glad you took time out from celebrating the richness of Mexican culture in order to join me. It's time to take a closer look at this curious holiday, which I first learned about from a Corona commercial.
Q: Why do Americans celebrate Cinco de Mayo?
A: It's important for all Americans to have pride in at least one of the neighbor countries. Call it your safety country, if you will. Just in case shit hits the fan. You exhibit this pride by picking one of their major holidays and drinking on it until you vomit into a sombrero.
Q: How is Cinco de Mayo celebrated in Mexico?
A: Having never visited that country, I can only speculate blindly. I assume they celebrate it by participating in their national pastime, brutal drug cartel-related killings. From the Corona commercials I've seen, Mexico is a beautiful land of beaches, so I assume the cartels must be hiding behind those palm trees.
Q: What is the most respectful way to honor this holiday in America?
A: My experience has always been drunk in a bar that serves nachos. The aforementioned sombrero is required attire, as the brim is large enough to catch any errant vomit that may ensue from the discounted margaritas you will no doubt consume. The Mexican people were very thoughtful in their choice of traditional head wear.
That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks for stopping by once again. I hope you celebrate this, and all alcohol-centered holidays responsibly. Which, according to the average beer commercial, consists of partying with swimsuit-clad women.
Stay tuned for more accurate generalizations from the Doctor!
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