Friday Q&A

Questionable Cessation

Greetings, crickets and trolls. Welcome to another edition of the Friday Q&A. I'm glad you're here, because we have important business to discuss. If you're one of those people who bitches and moans about cliche abuse, you might want to sit this one out. The subject of this week's post is everyone's favorite paint huffer (or Krylon-American, if you want to be politically correct).

Q: Why is Pat Tribbett in the news again?

A: Tribbett, who has gained fame for his perennial abuse of gold paint, is quickly returning to his old ways. Say goodbye to the clean and sober Pat of late last year. A report from this week has him suffering a particularly devastating relapse. Shockingly enough, court-ordered sobriety may not be an achievable goal for everyone. At this rate, he's going to have enough mugshots to fill his own calendar. Thank the FSM no one uses those any more.


Q: Is it wrong to huff paint?

A: The media certainly works hard enough to convince us of this fact. I, however, remain skeptical. Our society has a proven track record of demonizing that which it does not understand. For as long as I can remember, inhalant abusers have been stereotyped and ridiculed. If huffing paint was a form of non-violent protest, Tribbett would be the next Gandhi or Rosa Parks.

Q: Is Tribbett really equatable to Gandhi?

A: You're not listening. I said Gandhi and Rosa Parks. The man is obviously a crusader for human rights, specifically the right to turn one's own brain into mush via years of exposure to toxic chemicals. Why is the world so intent on keeping Tribbett from the one thing that brings him joy in life? The man lives in West Virginia. That place isn't exactly bristling with opera houses and vibrant political discourse. The lesson he teaches us is a valuable one: When you love something, do it, no matter how wrong or flammable society tells you it is.

That's all for this time, gentle reader. Thanks again for stopping by. I hope you didn't mistake this week's post as an endorsement of inhalant abuse. Huffing paint should never be practiced, even as a form of civil disobedience. I was simply pointing out that there are some places in America where an abundance of brain cells can be seen as a handicap. I offer my best wishes to Mr Tribbett, and hope to see him back on the road to recovery soon.

Stay tuned for more unrealistic expectations from the Doctor!